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Why do you play hard to get?


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Posted

1. To increase you value? In his eyes? In your eyes?

2. Weed out guys with little interest level?

3. To provoke some action? What action?

 

 

...and why? Can you give some explanation?

Posted

Quite simply, at this point in my life, I AM hard to get.

 

Maybe when I was younger I played hard to get, but I lost a lot of guys who thought I wasn't interested in them.

 

I show my interest, but I'm busy and a guy does have to work a bit to get my attention and time.

 

I suppose that makes guys chase harder, so maybe that's why some women play hard to get.

 

If I were you, I would let the girls go who you think are playing hard to get. Focus on the ones who act interested. That's half the battle anyway.

 

If a girl is interested, but truly busy and can't see you all the time, she will offer an alternative date. If you ask a girl out several times and she doesn't do this, then forget her.

 

I guess it's the same thing as when guys play their little games about how many women are after them so we will feel competitive and try to "win" him.

 

If a guy says that to me, I always decline playing. I tell them that I don't compete with other women for a man. Then I back off. The guy then usually pursues me like crazy....but it's not a game. I mean what I say.

 

So, I don't know if this helps you or not. Just don't play games yourself. If a woman plays hard to get and acts cool towards you, then don't play into it. Back off and see if she comes running to you...

 

In other words, don't reward someone who plays games by reacting with MORE attention. Less attention will teach them games don't work with you.

 

Good luck!

Posted

I think some women need the self-esteem boost of feeling pursued. Makes them feel good about themselves to know that even when they show minimal interest the guy is still persistant.

 

Personally I think if a woman needs that much affirmation and attention she should get a dog. Actually I think everyone should get a dog, they're fun and fuzzy, but I'm biased.

Posted

I have never been the type to play hard to get, but my guess would be that some of each choice would be a reason why someone would play hard to get.

 

I also agree that we all should have a dog.;)

  • Author
Posted

Yep, nicely put. Thanks for your time :)

 

It just bothers me why they do it. It is no brainer that guys with backbone will withdraw sooner than later, when you let them wait like some kind of princess.

 

Sometimes I think they are very interested but simply afraid (waiting for the right time or what)....like I am intimidating them. It doesnt matter why after all.

 

Telling someone you have so many girls/boys after you is bragging and it is turn off.....it is immature, I agree.

 

You know....I dont have to say a word and girls just premise Im a player (they told me several times)....so maybe I repel your type of 'non-competitive' girls as well :) omg :D

  • Author
Posted
I think some women need the self-esteem boost of feeling pursued. Makes them feel good about themselves to know that even when they show minimal interest the guy is still persistant.

 

Personally I think if a woman needs that much affirmation and attention she should get a dog. Actually I think everyone should get a dog, they're fun and fuzzy, but I'm biased.

 

HARSH but certainly TRUE :)

 

Unfortunatelly I dont like dogs...they love you and respect you for no qualified reason :bunny: ...Hey it doesnt mean Im bad person!!!:D

Posted
Hey it doesnt mean Im bad person!!!:D

 

We can't all be perfect.

 

;)

Posted

I play hard to get with women for two reasons:

 

1. To increase her interest level

2. To annoy her enough to leave me alone

 

It works a lot especially with a new girl. She calls I don't answer. She emails I don't respond. It drives the girl crazy so they try twice as hard. The funny thing is if I'm not interested in a girl, I naturally act in such a way that turns her on to me. Thus the key is to act that way too when I am interested to get the other girls.

 

Do remember there is a fine line between hard-to-get and impossible. I am sure to let them know where I stand on them - up to a point. I don't profess my love easily but I will say "I miss you and want to see you", etc if the time is right. Just say enough to leave them wanting more.

Posted

Daniel, if women are telling you that seem to be a player, then it could mean a few things:

 

1. You are good-looking, hot, etc...and they figure a lot of women want you.

 

2. You are confident and sociable, able to handle yourself with women

 

3. You look at/flirt with other women in front of them (I doubt you do this!):p

 

Anyway, I bet if I met you in real life, I would like you based on your posts and your perspective on life. So, I'll reason that many non-competitive women would not run away, unless you went on and on about how many b*tches you have in your harem! :laugh:

  • Author
Posted
Daniel, if women are telling you that seem to be a player, then it could mean a few things:

 

1. You are good-looking, hot, etc...and they figure a lot of women want you.

 

2. You are confident and sociable, able to handle yourself with women

 

3. You look at/flirt with other women in front of them (I doubt you do this!):p

 

Anyway, I bet if I met you in real life, I would like you based on your posts and your perspective on life. So, I'll reason that many non-competitive women would not run away, unless you went on and on about how many b*tches you have in your harem! :laugh:

 

Thank you :)

 

They probably play the game with me because they think the same way user MOMAN (up there in thread) does. Sad. Because I would feel like leech ask them out more than 3 times:o

  • Author
Posted
The funny thing is if I'm not interested in a girl, I naturally act in such a way that turns her on to me. Thus the key is to act that way too when I am interested to get the other girls.

 

Man is consistent....he treats girls all the same. But I dont ask out girls I am not interested in.

 

Do you know why the girls you dont want, want you? Because you act confident, you have control (not nervous, needy etc.). It is important to stay confident and in control with girls you are interested in....not faking it by not answering phones, I think.

There is another problem. Lot of girls look only for validation of their looks. Thats why they stay "interested" until they get it. But it has nothing to do with you. Just another insight...maybe Im wrong...I think am not....because majority of girls wont call you under any circumstances. You can be Brad Pitt and they wont call you....you have to call. And honestly girls you have to chase or ignore to get them? Come on. Some challenge is OK. But too much is too much.

Posted

people of both sexes will play "hard to get" when they have many options. For example if I'm some nerdy dude i'll have zero options so I take what I can get (which is basically table scraps).

 

If I'm some good looking successful dude with women chasing me all the time then I won't care that much about any specific female.

  • Author
Posted
people of both sexes will play "hard to get" when they have many options. For example if I'm some nerdy dude i'll have zero options so I take what I can get (which is basically table scraps).

 

If I'm some good looking successful dude with women chasing me all the time then I won't care that much about any specific female.

 

Yeah right but

1) Guys are not chased....it is rare and very subtle or you are hollywood movie star

2) Yes you would care about good looking, intelligent, fun to be with girl....it is rare commodity. Being handsome nad successful, you wouldnt be out of your mind for her but....almost ;)

3) Most of "hard to get" is conscious PLAY...it is about control and fear...way to protect your ego from the pain of rejection...shielding your heart...that kind of cr*p :)) When you chase girl she has control and vice versa.

Posted

Did you ever think that maybe some girls don't want to come off as being easy?

 

So why are you having trouble finding girls. Is it because they think your a player? If so then I can see why.

Posted
Man is consistent....he treats girls all the same. But I dont ask out girls I am not interested in.

 

Do you know why the girls you dont want, want you? Because you act confident, you have control (not nervous, needy etc.). It is important to stay confident and in control with girls you are interested in....not faking it by not answering phones, I think.

There is another problem. Lot of girls look only for validation of their looks. Thats why they stay "interested" until they get it. But it has nothing to do with you. Just another insight...maybe Im wrong...I think am not....because majority of girls wont call you under any circumstances. You can be Brad Pitt and they wont call you....you have to call. And honestly girls you have to chase or ignore to get them? Come on. Some challenge is OK. But too much is too much.

 

Daniel,

 

I agree with you. I am almost always confident and in control with women, and the times I am not it's easy to tell because the girls lose interest quickly.

 

I don't have a problem calling girls. The key is to call them just enough to peak their interest but not too much that they expect it. The last girl I dated - I would tell her what I was doing for the weekend and she would call me when I got home to find out if I had fun. I might make her wait a day or so and she would call again. I didn't always do it but if I always answered the phone I Might seem needy. See what I"m saying?

Posted

Well I have a kitty and she's all warm and furry snuggled up next to me right now.

 

Get a kitty or a dog.

 

They don't play games :)

Posted

I have to agree, get yourself a dog, they are warm and fuzzy and give all the attention you could require.

 

But for the rest of the trend, no wonder there are so many confused people out there, with all the games being played you never know what is going on. Does he/she like me or doesn't he/she, why is he/she not calling, is he/she calling to much? Should I give him/her another call, would that make me seem desperate? Why hasn't he/she called back, is that the end, am I being over sensitive.

 

Its not a wonder no-one has a clue! Sometimes I wonder if this would not be a lot easier if the games came down a nothc.

 

Don't get me wrong, games makes the whole thing fun, butterflies and all, but too much games just sucks!

Posted
I might make her wait a day or so and she would call again. I didn't always do it but if I always answered the phone I Might seem needy. See what I"m saying?

 

I don't see how you might come across as needy by just answering the phone. Actually I think not answering deliberately is somewhat rude. If anyone is needy, it is the one who calls, not the one who answers.

  • Author
Posted
Well I have a kitty and she's all warm and furry snuggled up next to me right now.

 

Get a kitty or a dog.

 

They don't play games :)

 

At least cats are very good in hard to get ;)

 

And they cant fix you a sandwich.....and other things ;)

Posted
Quite simply, at this point in my life, I AM hard to get.

 

Maybe when I was younger I played hard to get, but I lost a lot of guys who thought I wasn't interested in them.

 

I show my interest, but I'm busy and a guy does have to work a bit to get my attention and time.

 

I suppose that makes guys chase harder, so maybe that's why some women play hard to get.

 

If I were you, I would let the girls go who you think are playing hard to get. Focus on the ones who act interested. That's half the battle anyway.

 

If a girl is interested, but truly busy and can't see you all the time, she will offer an alternative date. If you ask a girl out several times and she doesn't do this, then forget her.

 

I guess it's the same thing as when guys play their little games about how many women are after them so we will feel competitive and try to "win" him.

 

If a guy says that to me, I always decline playing. I tell them that I don't compete with other women for a man. Then I back off. The guy then usually pursues me like crazy....but it's not a game. I mean what I say.

 

So, I don't know if this helps you or not. Just don't play games yourself. If a woman plays hard to get and acts cool towards you, then don't play into it. Back off and see if she comes running to you...

 

In other words, don't reward someone who plays games by reacting with MORE attention. Less attention will teach them games don't work with you.

 

Good luck!

Yes, I am hard to get, also. No playing here. I just know what I want. I won't settle for less then that. I am scared to be alone, yes. BUT, I won't settle for anything less than a guy that knocks my socks off!!

  • Author
Posted
Yes, I am hard to get, also. No playing here. I just know what I want. I won't settle for less then that. I am scared to be alone, yes. BUT, I won't settle for anything less than a guy that knocks my socks off!!

 

So its 'I play HTG because I want to appear more valueable' option. OK.:D

Posted
So its 'I play HTG because I want to appear more valueable' option. OK.:D

Yea, DanielM...whatever you say. :rolleyes:

  • 1 month later...
Posted

no....girls who are hard to get aren't insecure or unsure of themselves. i have guys chasing after me all the time and i have a healthy sense of self worth. i have very high standards and dont want to settle on anything less. so many guys use flattery but they use it on everyone...so they are only words...so i've learned to wait for the ones who actually mean what they say/follow it up with action. i dont think guys who pursue girls are without a backbone, on the contrary, it shows they are strong leaders who know what they want, are willing to risk rejection for something worthwhile. it also shows their strength of character that they dont just go after whatever is easily obtainable. i dont want a guy who just settles for whatever is easily available. girls do all the chasing nowadays and guys know it. no, i want a guy who is man enough to prove he really wants me. that proves HE's really worth My time, as well.

Posted

I think Daniel's just annoyed because a woman turned him down and he's looking for answers.

 

Look, Daniel, sometimes she just doesn't like you. It doesn't have to be a game. There's not always all this plotting.

 

I know you're having a hard time with this concept, but seriously - sometimes, she's just not that into you.

 

That's not game-playing, that's honesty. Accept it and move on already.

  • 2 months later...
  • Author
Posted
no....girls who are hard to get aren't insecure or unsure of themselves. i have guys chasing after me all the time and i have a healthy sense of self worth. i have very high standards and dont want to settle on anything less. so many guys use flattery but they use it on everyone...so they are only words...so i've learned to wait for the ones who actually mean what they say/follow it up with action. i dont think guys who pursue girls are without a backbone, on the contrary, it shows they are strong leaders who know what they want, are willing to risk rejection for something worthwhile. it also shows their strength of character that they dont just go after whatever is easily obtainable. i dont want a guy who just settles for whatever is easily available. girls do all the chasing nowadays and guys know it. no, i want a guy who is man enough to prove he really wants me. that proves HE's really worth My time, as well.

 

Sounds reasonable. Not very humble but you are honest. Problem is the part you want a guy to prove himself to you. Too much of it and it is disrespectful. Why should a quality guy prove himself to anybody? When you want him to prove himself to you, you are actually telling him....Im so much better than you and I dont think you are worth ma attention....prove yourself. Can you see it?

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