Woggle Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Right now my house will be paid off by next year and I don't aske my wife to contribute a dime to the mortgage. She is living here rent free and she only goes half on the utilities and the groceries. The reason for this is that if we get divorced I want the house to be mine. Our prenup already says that I get ths house unless I cheat on her or abuse her which I won't do anyway so this is my way of insuring that it is all mine in court. A female coworker thinks I am being too paranoid with this. Is she right?
Snowfall Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 You are generally paranoid about this kind of thing. However what matters is your wife's opinion. Frankly, if I were her, there's no way I'd pay any money towards some guy's mortgage if the house was never to be mine. So if she's fine with that arrangement, then it's nobody else's business. I'm not sure why you think it necessary to speak of your private business with other people anyway.
whichwayisup Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Yes, I think you're being abit paranoid and worrying about something that probably won't happen (as long as you and your wife are communicating and loving eachother then chances of divorce are so so SO so slim Wog) and if it does, you've got the bases covered. Problem with what you're doing is, your wife may feel in her mind that the house is "yours" and she may not feel comfy down the road. You don't consider the house "ours", you say my house. I'm sure that doesn't make her feel secure...I could be wrong, but if I were in her shoes, that's how I'd be feeling. What happens if you two move?
typical Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 A female coworker thinks I am being too paranoid with this Are you in the habit of asking female coworkers advice about your personal life? is that if we get divorced awful lot riding on that tiny word "if" What is more important? Love or a house?
bab Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 You're 27 and 1 year away from paying off your house? Impressive! I think that you are paranoid about alot of things concerning your relationship, but in this case I think your actions are fine. If you've already written it into the prenup that the house is yours, then I think it's quite appropriate that she not help you pay it off. On the other hand, your wording seems a bit strange. You allow her to live there "rent free"? She's your WIFE. Husband's and wives do not pay each other rent. Do you refer to the house as "yours" in everyday situations? Sure, the paperwork ensures that in the case of divorce it's yours, and I see no problem with that. But in my opinion as long as you are still married the house is both of you's home. You are a partnership, a team. You've gotten the legal implications taken care of, but live life like divorce isn't going to happen.
Author Woggle Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Yes, I think you're being abit paranoid and worrying about something that probably won't happen (as long as you and your wife are communicating and loving eachother then chances of divorce are so so SO so slim Wog) and if it does, you've got the bases covered. Problem with what you're doing is, your wife may feel in her mind that the house is "yours" and she may not feel comfy down the road. You don't consider the house "ours", you say my house. I'm sure that doesn't make her feel secure...I could be wrong, but if I were in her shoes, that's how I'd be feeling. What happens if you two move? If we move we will probably go half so things will then be equal. I am just trying to protect myself. We have discussed keeping this house and renting it out to people visiting the Jersey Shore and using it as a place to stay when we went to come back down here so I want this to be one thing that I own.
typical Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Originally posted by Bab: On the other hand, your wording seems a bit strange. You allow her to live there "rent free"? She's your WIFE. Husband's and wives do not pay each other rent. That was the other thing that kinda left me with a funny feeling. Sounds more like a corporate merger to me.
Author Woggle Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 I don't mean to sound like I am her landlord and she is my tenant but she is certainly saving some money by sharing this house with me. The reason I am so close to paying it off is that it was sort of a dump when I first bought it though ten times better than where my ex and I were living before. After the divorce I fixed it up real nice to take my mind off of things and the house looks so much better now. When we get a new house wherever that is it will be ours but this is something I put my blood and sweat into and I want it to be mine.
Art_Critic Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 She is living here rent free Hate to point this out... a wife doesn't pay rent.. every month you make the mortgage payment half of that payment is hers already.. so she does pay her half of the mortgage.. You don't have to like it.. but your income is marital property and you are using your/her income to make the mortgage payment RENT ??? WTF is wrong with you... She is your wife for gods sakes... RENT !!!!!!!
Moose Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 This is why I believe pre-nups don't belong in a marriage. This is all it causes.......insecurities... I don't know about ANYONE else......but my wife is THE most important object in our marriage, and out of anything else I own, (and I do have ALOT), I get the most SECURITY from her. Woggle, do you plan on sharing the monies for rent if you do rent it out?
whichwayisup Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I don't mean to sound like I am her landlord and she is my tenant but she is certainly saving some money by sharing this house with me. The reason I am so close to paying it off is that it was sort of a dump when I first bought it though ten times better than where my ex and I were living before. After the divorce I fixed it up real nice to take my mind off of things and the house looks so much better now. When we get a new house wherever that is it will be ours but this is something I put my blood and sweat into and I want it to be mine. I had to read this twice. So, as husband and wife, she is your tenant, not your partner when it comes to 'your' house? It should be "our" house! Does she know you think this way about how you two live? I understand in one sense about you wanting the house to be yours because of all work you put into it, but she is your wife and that house now is partially hers. She needs to feel comfy and make sure it feels like home...Hope that makes sense to you.
Author Woggle Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 I had to read this twice. So, as husband and wife, she is your tenant, not your partner when it comes to 'your' house? It should be "our" house! Does she know you think this way about how you two live? I understand in one sense about you wanting the house to be yours because of all work you put into it, but she is your wife and that house now is partially hers. She needs to feel comfy and make sure it feels like home...Hope that makes sense to you. I meant to say that she is not my tenant. Right now it is our house but if she decides to divorce me I will not leave because I will consider it mine.
whichwayisup Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 OK, that I get because it is 'your' house on paper. Honestly though, who's to say that IF you two divorce, she is going to get nasty and try to take that house away from you?? If she were to do that, it would have to be with reason - Meaning like if you hit her, abused her or cheated on her...But, I know you wouldn't do such a thing... Woggle - These types of thoughts are unnecessary. She loves you, you're married to her and things will be fine. Trust what you have with her and enjoy life.
littlekitty Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Woogle, I do kind of understand your view point. It was my house that my Fiance moved into. I had worked for it, put my blood, sweat and tears into it. And I wanted to protect that. For that reason I had a legal document drawn up called a 'Living Together Agreement'. This stipulated that my F was not contributing to the mortgage and had no claim to the house in the event of a break down of the relationship. It also protected him by stating that he was not due to pay any large amounts towards maintenance, and that in the break down of the relationship would be allowed to stay in the house for 30 days. I felt this was necessary, not only because I've been stung before, but because I saw it as my fall back, plus it was and is one of my biggest achievements and something I am vastly proud of. He was fine with the agreement. The agreement of course does become null and void on our marriage, and I am yet to investigate the legal implications of our marriage. On our marriage I am happy to make the house legally ours. My only concerns originally about doing this were some unpaid debts on his behalf, but we are now dealing with those. I've always ensured he feels it's 'our home'. And it is, and I know he feels it is. He's very house proud and does much diy and bits around the place. But there is a tiny part of me that feels some sadness at letting go of my big achievement and sharing it!! Only a bit though!! But I can relate to how you are feeling. When you've worked so hard for something and been stung before, you're inclined to hold on to what you've got with a vice like grip!
Author Woggle Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 OK, that I get because it is 'your' house on paper. Honestly though, who's to say that IF you two divorce, she is going to get nasty and try to take that house away from you?? If she were to do that, it would have to be with reason - Meaning like if you hit her, abused her or cheated on her...But, I know you wouldn't do such a thing... Woggle - These types of thoughts are unnecessary. She loves you, you're married to her and things will be fine. Trust what you have with her and enjoy life. I know she loves me and I love her very much but I am not an idiot. Too many men fall victim to this and it won't be me. It's like riding a motorcycle. Yeah it is fun but you should wear a helmet. This is my helmet.
Moose Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Too many men fall victim to this and it won't be me. It's like riding a motorcycle. Yeah it is fun but you should wear a helmet. This is my helmet.There lies the insecurities. People who enjoy a fullfilling marriage have to give it their ALL. Physically and mentality. "I won't fall victim to divorce, so I'll protect my assetts", is the SAME thing as saying, "I know for a fact that I'm not going to spend the rest of my life with this person, so I'll set my up an, "out". What kind of a commitment is that??? And you haven't answered my question about sharing the rent money either....
a4a Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I know she loves me and I love her very much but I am not an idiot. Too many men fall victim to this and it won't be me. It's like riding a motorcycle. Yeah it is fun but you should wear a helmet. This is my helmet. Oh Woggle maybe you should not have even gotten on the motorcycle..... I mean how can you enjoy the ride when you are constantly worried about crashing? But if you are not willing to really risk it, you have your prenup, what else do you need? I don't think you are being controlling but I think that you are being way overly insecure about your entire M. I don't know why you did it. How is therapy going?
Author Woggle Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Oh Woggle maybe you should not have even gotten on the motorcycle..... I mean how can you enjoy the ride when you are constantly worried about crashing? But if you are not willing to really risk it, you have your prenup, what else do you need? I don't think you are being controlling but I think that you are being way overly insecure about your entire M. I don't know why you did it. How is therapy going? Women like my wife are one in a million and I did not know if I would ever meet somebody like that again. I am perfectly happy single but why pass up a great thing when there is chemistry. Therapy is going well. I feel like I am progressing and when I come out of the other end I will be a healthier person.
PussInHeels Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting the house for yourself. You paid for it, you worked on it, she agreed to it, so it's yours. That said, what is the problem? In the case of divorce, you know you will get the house, so why are you still concerned about it? You aren't divorced yet, so this isn't something that should be in the foreground of your thoughts. You should be focusing on your marriage. It sounds like you are a bit financially paranoid. If you did a prenup, you should leave at that and forget about it until it is needed. Mulling it over can introduce unneeded stress in your marriage. If you are happy with your marriage, don't endanger it by worrying about divorce.
a4a Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Women like my wife are one in a million and I did not know if I would ever meet somebody like that again. I am perfectly happy single but why pass up a great thing when there is chemistry. Therapy is going well. I feel like I am progressing and when I come out of the other end I will be a healthier person. She is one in a million to you, just like I am to my H and he is to me. So if she is one in a million, truly is, why would you even worry about her being like other women and taking you for a ride? Do you not really believe that she is THAT different from all other women? You really have to stop thinking all women are out to get all men. I mean come on now, the only thing men want from women is a piece of ass. We all know this, men are pigs, they should be burnt on a BBQ. :p Glad therapy is coming along for you. So great you are sticking with it!
whichwayisup Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I know she loves me and I love her very much but I am not an idiot. Too many men fall victim to this and it won't be me. It's like riding a motorcycle. Yeah it is fun but you should wear a helmet. This is my helmet. That's fine, but you don't have to wear the helmut all the time, especially when you're just sitting on the bike. Gotta take it off so you can enjoy the wind in your hair. (Being on a dirt country road ofcourse, not a highway!) Remember too Woggle. You are NOT other men and your wife isn't other women. Stop comparing yourself and her to other people!! Everybody is different and has different baggage, different reactions to situations. What happens to one person may not happen to you!
hyjacked Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 If this is the only issue you have which I doubt but the one your concerned with. The extra feeling of security ie; the home for you "in case" something happens has to be gained from someone in the partnership. Sounds like your wife doesn't get so you can have it all. Did you not remember or really understand a marriage is a partnership? Paranoid? Dont know if that covers it all. Sounds like the words selfish, selfcentered or stingy fits as well. Woggle you might be thinking...I wonder if the idiot's been through what Ive been through. Answer is I lost 100% of assets of home and business to my 1st wife that didnt bring in a paycheck and had to start all over again...so ya I think so. Should I put up some self promoting protection within my 2nd marriage? Answer: Nope not me, rather look out after my best friend to the best of my ability and have the all out freaking fun marriage Im having. (not a newly wed, just feel like it, been together 10 yrs now)
Mr. Lucky Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I don't mean to sound like I am her landlord and she is my tenant but she is certainly saving some money by sharing this house with me. What does she do with the money she "saves" under this arrangement? Mr. Lucky
Moose Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Woggle must have me on, "iggy"......(I feel soooo special)...... Would someone else ask him if he'd share the rent money with his wife if they decide to rent the place out???? It's driving me crazy!!! lol!!
Enema Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I think you're doing the right thing. Always important to have a safety net because you just never know. and to use the motorcycle analogy: just because you're wearing a helmet doesn't mean you're always thinking about crashing, it's there in case of the unexpected. btw Woggle, what will you do with the rental money?
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