Butterflying Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I've been dating this guy long distance for 3 months. He's an XBF and we broke up several years ago. Since we've gotten back together, he has been trying to convince me to take our relationship to the exclusive level. But I'm uncomfortable with that. I feel like I need to spend more time getting to know him, because a lot of things have changed in our lives. For the past 3 months, I've been happy with him. The time we've spent together and talking on the phone has been great until recently. Last week, I spent the weekend at his home. After I left, he called me Sunday night to tell me how much he loved me and enjoyed our time together. That made me very happy. I felt like I was falling in love with him. We usually talk once a day. I was concerned when I didn't hear from him Monday. I called him Tuesday night around 10pm when I realized that he wasn't going to contact me. He didn't answer my call. I left a message. He called me back Wednesday, but he was a work and couldn't talk. He just wanted me to know he got my message. Thursday, Thanksgiving day, I didn't hear from him until he sent me a text message at 11:30pm saying "Goodnight." I called him a few minutes after I recieved the text message. He didn't answer his phone. I didn't leave a message. Friday afternoon, I called him again. He still didn't answer. But he called me back 10 minutes later. I didn't answer because I was at work. He knew I would be working. He left a message to say he missed me and he hoped everything was okay. I didn't call him back because I didn't think he would answer. Why has he stopped calling me? Why doesn't he answer when I call him? This is strange to me because the last time we actually talked, he was telling me he wanted us to be more serious. He seemed okay with the idea of us taking things slow and knowing each other better. The only way to do that is to communicate and spend time together. But his actions right now are preventing that. I don't know what to do from here. I want to talk to him, but it seems I have no way to do that since he doesn't answer my calls and he doesn't call me. I don't know if I should forget about him, or not. My feelings were just starting to grow and now I'm mixed with hurt, confusion, and anger because I don't know what is going on with him.
IpAncA Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I don't know. Maybe he really was busy. He is texting you. I would be worried if you didn't hear from him at all. It is strange though because it seems like he would call you back instead of texting. Or if he did text he would want to call and talk to you anyway.
alphamale Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 why did you two call it quits several yrs ago?
Author Butterflying Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Back then... we broke up because he cheated. He lied about it. There was never any closer, really. For the past 3 months, we've been talking about the past and resolving it. I think he understands why I have a difficult time trusting him. I have forgiven him and I'm willing to trust him now. But I can't do that overnight. So far, I haven't questioned him on anything that seemed suspicious. Like when we are together and his cell phone rings. He doesn't answer certain calls and he says they are from an annoying co-worker. I don't question him. I don't even ask for details when he tells me about other women. I'm confident and always feel satisfied with him. My positive attitude is the main reason that we are able to have the relationship we have right now. It just seems this sitiation makes it difficult for me to be positive.
alphamale Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Back then... we broke up because he cheated. He lied about it. There was never any closer, really. For the past 3 months, we've been talking about the past and resolving it. I think he understands why I have a difficult time trusting him. I have forgiven him and I'm willing to trust him now. But I can't do that overnight. . historical behaviour is a pretty good predictor of future behaviour...
Love2share Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 He cheated on you before. You broke up. Now he wants you to TRUSTand COMMIT to him. And he still hasn't gotten his act together. You have every right to be suspicious. Realize that this isn't the way someone treats you when they love you. He sounds like a selfish jerk. Otherwise, he definately has something going on in his life that is more important than you are. If he hasn't told you what that is, then you have to suspect it's something he doesn't want you to know about. If I were you, I would cut my losses now before things get too serious again. When you're dating, and you're really into each other, this doesn't happen unless someone dies. He's not that into you if he hasn't contacted you in over a week and he isn't concerned about you.
Mary3 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 These are * Classic * signs that he is playing GAMES with you and the reason is usually not a good one. He either is A ) Messing around B ) Is BS'ing you about all of this and does NOT want to commit C ) Game playing is exhausting and he is trying them all. D ) Reread your post carefully and you will see it all right there .
Parmalat Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 "he has been trying to convince me to take our relationship to the exclusive level. But I'm uncomfortable with that. I feel like I need to spend more time getting to know him, because a lot of things have changed in our lives." Here is a question, could his reaction and sudden busy behaviour be directly related to you putting him on the slow track. That he's now trying to act aloof so that you'd want him more and want to move faster? Men do strange things, but if he's not reacting to you wanting to take it slow I'd be suspicious as to what is up.
littlekitty Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 "he has been trying to convince me to take our relationship to the exclusive level. But I'm uncomfortable with that. I feel like I need to spend more time getting to know him, because a lot of things have changed in our lives." Here is a question, could his reaction and sudden busy behaviour be directly related to you putting him on the slow track. That he's now trying to act aloof so that you'd want him more and want to move faster? Men do strange things, but if he's not reacting to you wanting to take it slow I'd be suspicious as to what is up. My thoughts were going down the same sort of track on this one. You asked to take it slowly and it seems to me, he might be reacting to that. Backing off a bit. Perhaps you didn't fully communicate what your idea of taking it slowly was? Perhaps his take on it is to back off of the relationship a bit? That aside, the prior cheating incident will leave you with some mistrust. And it's going to make the relationship more difficult when things like this happen. However, if you are happy to forgive, then that's your choice to do so.
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