Author aeren944 Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Awesome advice, Headless, about being Alpha to the boys and mushy to the girls. Never really thought of it that way before. But, that brings up another question. To the female, is the alpha male just the alpha male (in a relationship) because he's stronger and more dominating than her (the female in the realtionship) or because he's stronger than everyone in general? See, my GF is pretty strong on her own... very strong willed, very "alpha" in her own respects. So, when I act "stronger" than her, or am being more "alpha" than her, I'm wondering if she likes that only because I'm outdoing her, or just because I'm being stronger in general. Now, don't everyone panic... I'm not saying I bend my will over her or whatever... but, you guys now the sexual power plays and the power plays in flirting. It's kind of how far you'll push eachother flirtaciously (sp?) and how far you'll let someone push you back. Does that make any sense?
DanielMadr Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Awesome advice, Headless, about being Alpha to the boys and mushy to the girls. Never really thought of it that way before. But, that brings up another question. To the female, is the alpha male just the alpha male (in a relationship) because he's stronger and more dominating than her (the female in the realtionship) or because he's stronger than everyone in general? See, my GF is pretty strong on her own... very strong willed, very "alpha" in her own respects. So, when I act "stronger" than her, or am being more "alpha" than her, I'm wondering if she likes that only because I'm outdoing her, or just because I'm being stronger in general. Now, don't everyone panic... I'm not saying I bend my will over her or whatever... but, you guys now the sexual power plays and the power plays in flirting. It's kind of how far you'll push eachother flirtaciously (sp?) and how far you'll let someone push you back. Does that make any sense? Caution. You can be Mushy with her, when she is "yours". If she doesnt know you she would think you are another wussy. Women are feminine, submissive in nature....some more, some less and some not at all. You got an awesome advice.....at least be dominant in bed Dont go to playing...'Lets se who is more aplha' in ordinary life.....either you are or you arent. If you have capacity to lead, make decisions etc. but you dont do it, because you wanted to be "gentle", then DO IT now. It is absolutely OK to be strong, she wont get scared. Dont be arrogant or control-freak or jerk. Is she bossy to you? Let her know in a fun way you are not that type
Author aeren944 Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Yeah, I'm not saying I push her around or I'm dominant just cuz I feel the need to be. I'm not a jerk at all to her. She's not bossy... I mean, she's headstrong sometimes, but when I disagree, I'm not afraid to speak up. Communication is the key to any relationship. You can't just lie down and shut up when something you don't like is said, or felt. That's not healthy at all. By saying that sometimes I come out as more "dominant" than her, I'm just saying that I speak up when I disagree... I back my points with what I believe, and we get on with life. She knows I'm not a "yes" man and our relationship is based on the fact that we trust one another to help steer it in the right direction. Sure, it leads to fights sometimes, but not earth-shaking, end the relationship-type fights. But we find that it's better for us to get things out in the open so we can start tackling them. Anyway, I guess my question is more related to the sex, anyway. Just re-interating that it's not a problem right now, more of a curiosity question.
shawn_68 Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Anyway, I guess my question is more related to the sex, anyway. Just re-interating that it's not a problem right now, more of a curiosity question. Related to sex, and "romantic attraction" for that matter, women DO respond to male characteristics: strength, confidence, leadership, etc. It's no big secret. Just as men respond sexually to feminine qualities. So, what I think your wondering is true. But it sounds like everything is going just fine for you, and so I wouldn't change anything.
riobikini Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 re: Alphamale: " well you can start in the bedroom. have rough sex with her, boss her around, smack her on her ass, pull her hair, call her your dirty slut, make her get down on her knees while you stand up and give you oral." Aeren944, *be sure* that change is what she's looking for before you rock the boat. And get her to *specify* what kind of change(s) she wants. If you suspect she wants to spice things up a bit, you might want to *talk* to her to find out exactly what things she thinks might enhance the sex between you. As far as the *romance* goes, it sounds as if things are working just fine on all cylinders -the projected outcome of the goal should be to keep it that way. But I understand the question mark that's in your mind as to just how appealing/exciting you are to her, and whether or not you have become too "vanilla" (doing the "expected" things; keeping the same routine) in regards to the sex between you. Keep in mind that nearly everyone experiences some sort of a lull in the sex dept. during a relationship and with most there comes a time when you are faced with this nagging thought in the back of your mind that things probably do need to be shaken up a bit (a little unexpected spice) to revive some of the lost verve. Still, because it's a more aggressive approach you want to try, communicate with her, to be certain that your partner is willing to participate in the new stuff you're offering. It should go without saying that your *approach* with the introduction of anything new and different with sex between the two of you is very important; a crucial part of your goal is not to offend your partner, damage your relationship, or give her reason to start thinking she's inadequate in any way. Perhaps, she's been wanting to spice things up for a long time (the same as you) but may be looking for *you* to take the initiative. Here's another pointer: even if she gives you the green light to be more aggressive in bed, don't let your new, (agreed upon) more aggressive, "alphamale" approach in the bedroom extend beyond the sheets into your everyday routine: keep it in the bedroom. I think indulging in a little fantasy of this type is OK -but only if both partners are *all for it* and, as long as you are both clear on *where* *when*, and *how* it should take place. Hope this helps. Take care. -Rio
alphamale Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 I think indulging in a little fantasy of this type is OK -but only if both partners are *all for it* and, as long as you are both clear on *where* *when*, and *how* it should take place. I disagree RIO...he shouldn't "discuss" it with her beforehand or ask for her permission and green light. He should just do it. If she doesn't like it she'll tell him to stop. In you above comment you're asking him to ask her for her approval. That is so lame and totally contradictory. He should be a man and take charge.
BARBGURL Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Personally, It seems to me that the alpha male type tends to exude confidence and strength. That's the attraction for me - as long as he actually is confident and strong and not just a poser. I've been on dates where some random guy has approached me and started dancing with me. If my date does nothing, it's just him and his hand that night. If my date gets confrontational, that's good. If my date beats the crap out of him, that's hot! It makes me feel secure and protected. ( I'm not advocating violence, I'm just saying.....) As far as sex, communication is so important. I have many moods. One night I may want a lot of foreplay etc..... The next I might want to break out my leather bustier and whips. Find out what she likes and go from there. She may surprise you. Not everybody is upfront with their sexual desires no matter how well you think you know them. Open communication can make a world of difference. She may have a French maid costume tucked away somewhere and secretly likes to play master-servant!!
Guest Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 There's no need to adopt some alpha male persona. People who have to advertise their alpha maleness aren't really alpha males anyway. Why not watch bdsm porn together first and see how she likes it? Start out with the light stuff and see where it goes from there. Discussing possible sexual scenarios at length tends to drain the anticipation out of it. Just don't force her in the rope harness until you're both on the same wavelength about what constitutes 'good' rough sex.
Recommended Posts