aeren944 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I'm in a great relationship, but I just wanted to find out people's opinions on this. I was reading another thread about an overly affectionate male that was suffocating his girl (thanks, luvtoto!) and how it killed sex-drive, so it really made me think. In my relationship, I'm very honest with my GF about how I feel. I'm not overly affectionate at all... I don't give her tons of kisses and hold onto her all the time. I'm not clingy. But, sometimes, I tend to say cheesy stuff. I'm a very laid back guy, and I don't enter into confrontation often. I'm wondering if she'd like it more if I was more assertive, or more of the "manly", cave-man, alpha male type. Don't get me wrong, our relationship is fine. But, I was reading that some women like that... it gives the relationship passion. Sometimes, I open up to her and I sound like Shakespeare... all dramatic and stuff. Back when I was younger, I was one of the "bad" boys, but I've chilled out since then. I'm wondering if I should start being more assertive in order to turn her on a little more. I can definately do it, but I also read on here that women need to feel loved and beautiful and all that good stuff. How do you find a balance? Sometimes, when I tell her how much I love her or how beautiful she is, I don't want to come off sounding needy or cheesy. I do love her, with my whole heart. I'm pretty sure she knows that. I think if I were more of an alpha male type, though, it might turn her on a bit more. It might get her a little bit more excited at times. Also, if I start being more assertive, how would I go about doing that? What are some things that you ladies find in a man that makes you see their strength? Yeah, I know, I'm putting way too much thought into this. But it kind of fascinates me, in a way.
Meggedy Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I read that post too, and I think that she's referring to clinginess, not being romantic. Yes, some girls don't like the romantic type...but honestly, I don't know any woman like this. Clingy is acting needy, insecure, etc. Romantic is telling your woman she's beautiful, giving her the attention she wants without playing games, etc. Don't try to be a big tough guy if this isn't you. She's with you for a reason...because she likes who you are. Don't go changing who you are, or her feelings for you may change. I know that if I was with someone who was all romantic and then turned "Alpha male" as you put it, I would wonder what the hell happened. You sound like a nice guy who is putting way too much thought into this...
Spinderella Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I agree. I have been with the alpha male types, and yes, they did turn me on for sure, but, when it comes to having a long term relationship, then the lovely honest guys are what I go for. Meggedy got it right, being sweet and romantic (provided it is sincere) is completely different from being clingy and needy. It sounds as though you are the former, rather than the latter.
My Fair Katie Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Find a happy medium. Be attentive and kind. Then if you think it'll get her more excited in the bedroom, be a little more aggressive. I'm all about the happy mediums. I want (and have) a man who can be respectful to me and caring but then in the bedroom knows what he wants and how to get it.
Moose Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Ummm here's a thought.....talk to your girlfriend about it...... I've found in the going on 20 years of marriage that there is a place and time for all three types being discussed here. (Clingy, Romantic, Alpha - Male) But only your girlfriend / wife would know if you're being sincere about it.... Basically, I think that is what it all boils down to. Being sincere about your, "walk and talk".....
luvtoto Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I'm all about the happy mediums. That's all I'm looking for, too. Because there was a reference to my thread, I will add one thing here. I was never wanting NO affection from my guy whatsoever. But, because things have been so off-balance, that I don't want any now. Don't be just the giver...don't be just the taker. Balance is the key to a healthy relationship, IMO.
luvtoto Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 What are some things that you ladies find in a man that makes you see their strength? Yeah, I know, I'm putting way too much thought into this. But it kind of fascinates me, in a way. By knowing who you are. Don't go telling her a bunch of things about yourself that are untrue. She will figure it out, and then think way less of you. (sorry, second post in a row)
whichwayisup Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Don't get me wrong, our relationship is fine. But, I was reading that some women like that... it Don't change things up too much. It sounds like you have a good thing going! Good idea maybe to talk to her, ask her if she is happy as things are, or if some little changes should happen to make things even better. But, other than that, if it ain't broke, don't go looking for issues!
alphamale Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 the "manly", cave-man, alpha male type. Also, if I start being more assertive, how would I go about doing that? well you can start in the bedroom. have rough sex with her, boss her around, smack her on her ass, pull her hair, call her your dirty slut, make her get down on her knees while you stand up and give you oral. Don't be just the giver...don't be just the taker. Balance is the key to a healthy relationship, IMO. Agreed LUVTOTO...but few people can pull this off. Generally what happens over time is one becomes mostly the taker and one becomes mostly the giver.
luvtoto Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Agreed LUVTOTO...but few people can pull this off. Generally what happens over time is one becomes mostly the taker and one becomes mostly the giver. I said 'healthy' relationship.
alphamale Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I said 'healthy' relationship. so what percent are "healthy"....10%? 15% tops maybe?
luvtoto Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 so what percent are "healthy"....10%? 15% tops maybe? Lower. haha! (message too short)
Author aeren944 Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Awesome. Thanks, guys & girls, for the replies. I appreciate it. I guess what I'm kind of worried about is that the romantic stuff will get old to her and that she'll want me to be more assertive in the future. You're right that I shouldn't try to fix what's not broken, and I'm not really trying to "fix" anything... I was just curious about how it's percieved. I understand about the give and the take, and that's a challenge to find that medium, but I think that's what's best. You're right, I shouldn't change myself to fit her needs... but I just don't want to be a pushover or a clingy person, and I get a slight bit uncomfortable when it feels like I love her so much. Being hurt in the past forces the feeling of love to come with mental disclaimers, cuz you don't want to be hurt again, you know?
luvtoto Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Awesome. Thanks, guys & girls, for the replies. I appreciate it. I guess what I'm kind of worried about is that the romantic stuff will get old to her and that she'll want me to be more assertive in the future. You're right that I shouldn't try to fix what's not broken, and I'm not really trying to "fix" anything... I was just curious about how it's percieved. I understand about the give and the take, and that's a challenge to find that medium, but I think that's what's best. You're right, I shouldn't change myself to fit her needs... but I just don't want to be a pushover or a clingy person, and I get a slight bit uncomfortable when it feels like I love her so much. Being hurt in the past forces the feeling of love to come with mental disclaimers, cuz you don't want to be hurt again, you know? Well, I guess try to stay true to yourself...and who you are. If you try to be someone you are not...then contradictions happen. That's what stirred up my thread.
DanielMadr Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 It is bullshyt to say...'stay who you are'....people are evolving, maturing etc. Find the balance, thats right. I think it is better to be more to the right to the so called alphamale type.....assertive, leading etc.... be a MAN (sligtly to the right from the centre) not a WOMAN/wussy(to the left) or Shaolin MONK (centre). Dont push it if you dont feel it inside yourself. Dont act...acting can get you killed in real world.
luvtoto Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 It is bullshyt to say...'stay who you are'....people are evolving, maturing etc. Well, that's obvious. What I meant was "stay *true* to who you are"...not stay who you are. Before calling my advice "bullshyt"...maybe you should ask me to explain myself better.
DanielMadr Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Well, that's obvious. What I meant was "stay *true* to who you are"...not stay who you are. Before calling my advice "bullshyt"...maybe you should ask me to explain myself better. Im sorry for the insult. Stay true to who you are....hmmm sounds a little like cliche.....not an advice. Advice is more accurate and helpful. Cliche is just a bull.... Dont be so hard on yourself (Im certainly not)...everyone say some bull.... time to time:D
luvtoto Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 It is bullshyt to say...'stay who you are'....people are evolving, maturing etc. Find the balance, thats right. I think it is better to be more to the right to the so called alphamale type.....assertive, leading etc.... be a MAN (sligtly to the right from the centre) not a WOMAN/wussy(to the left) or Shaolin MONK (centre). Dont push it if you dont feel it inside yourself. Dont act...acting can get you killed in real world. Im sorry for the insult. Stay true to who you are....hmmm sounds a little like cliche.....not an advice. Advice is more accurate and helpful. Cliche is just a bull.... Dont be so hard on yourself (Im certainly not)...everyone say some bull.... time to time:D Ok. I will try to be slightly to the right from the centre next time I give any advice.
HeadlessZebra Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Also, if I start being more assertive, how would I go about doing that? What are some things that you ladies find in a man that makes you see their strength? Well, one dear boyfriend I had recently, he was 100% alpha male, totally hawt and sexy, but at the same time totally lovey-dovey and mushy and sweet. The two things can co-exist 100%, it doesn't have to be 50-50 because the two things are not mutually exclusive. Example, he used to be at bars with his friends and see a guy treating a girl like crap, maybe physically or verbally abusive with her, and he would just go up and punch the guy's lights out, or he and his pals would jump the guy outside in the alley. Then he'd come home and smother me with kisses and mushy words. Because he just loves us women that much. If a guy pissed him off he would totally let the Irish out, (he was a tall and strong one too!) but with women it was always smiles and flowers and hugs and kisses. And no, he was NEVER a womanizer either, very much a one-girl guy. So I guess my answer is you should be alpha with the boys, and flowery with the girl, I think that rocks our boats more than anything else! We like that dichotomy of tough and tender. It's like, "Yeah, my man's a total he-man, but when he comes home to me, you should see!"
DanielMadr Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Ok. I will try to be slightly to the right from the centre next time I give any advice. Wise choice, madam.
DanielMadr Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 So I guess my answer is you should be alpha with the boys, and flowery with the girl, I think that rocks our boats more than anything else! We like that dichotomy of tough and tender. It's like, "Yeah, my man's a total he-man, but when he comes home to me, you should see!" Yeah but he was asking HOW DO YOU KNOW? If he starts bragging about beating some guy in alley....he is just bragging. I mean when you dont know the guy, how you can tell he is alpha....that was his question probably. My advice....dont take and give any bullshyt from men or from women even if you date them ...dont beat them or get angry...just let them know, you are not that type who can be disrespected (sort of)
HeadlessZebra Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Yeah but he was asking HOW DO YOU KNOW? If he starts bragging about beating some guy in alley....he is just bragging. I mean when you dont know the guy, how you can tell he is alpha....that was his question probably. It's easy to tell, these kinds of guys just have a certain thing about the way they act around other males, you can tell they're at the top of the pecking order, and the other guys kind of defer to them. Their word is "the" word, with only minor, joking argument from the others, if any. They cop a bit of a rough attitude with the guys, who in turn just grin and bear it, kinda...
DanielMadr Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 It's easy to tell, these kinds of guys just have a certain thing about the way they act around other males, you can tell they're at the top of the pecking order, and the other guys kind of defer to them. Their word is "the" word, with only minor, joking argument from the others, if any. They cop a bit of a rough attitude with the guys, who in turn just grin and bear it, kinda... I am ALPHA after all:cool: Thank you my headlessprincess:love: ...with one exception....I try not to cop around and I dont have rough attitude with guys.........unless they behave bad:confused: I tell you it is not a fun. It is great responsibility (no one helps if you dont and no one helps you) and every actor/*******/alpha wannabe tries to throw you off balance(physically or mentally) and grab your "crown":lmao:, which is riddiculous. Thats why we are gentle with women....please no drama in the home-cave;)
HeadlessZebra Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I am ALPHA after all:cool: ..... Thats why we are gentle with women....please no drama in the home-cave;) Now THERE'S a smart man!
DanielMadr Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Now THERE'S a smart man! Thanks:love: When I visit California I will drop by with flowers I hope I get visa....ohuh....have to work now....if I lose the job I certainly wont get any visa:D
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