Meggedy Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I am soo lost on a couple levels. I haven't been around for a little while but you guys have been soooo helpful in the past. I'll try to keep it brief. So I met this guy through an online site. He had a profile up (I didn't, on any site) and I emailed him. This was about a month and a half ago. Since then we have gone out several times, and we slept together on the last date. (Thanks for no lecture, I don't regret this, it was fabulous. ) We talk on the phone at least an hour a day. I haven't talked to someone this much on the phone since I was a 14 y/o girl, and I really enjoy our conversations. This guy is frickin amazing. Honestly I am a little freaked out because I am so taken with him. I have been dating a lot lately, and my world has pretty much stopped after meeting him. I haven't felt this way for a long time, and I realize this is new & exciting, but I have been around the block long enough that this guy stands out. So - here are the problems. 1. I have never - ever! - had to bring up the whole exclusivity thing with a guy. All of my past boyfriends have brought this up within a few weeks/dates, and I just agreed (or didn't, depending on the situation). I don't know how to broach this with him - or if I should even do this at all. He has hinted that he'd like to be exclusive (I think?) by telling me that he's a one-woman guy, that he doesn't date around, etc. (Should I be reading into those comments?) And I know I should probably have done this before sleeping with him, so please don't give me that answer, I need to know what I should do now... 2. Okay I totally snooped, so shoot me. I was curious, went back to the same site I met him on, not only has he been on there since, he's tweaked his profile since then. I have never (really, never) met a guy online, I don't know if this is normal or if I should run for the hills. 3. I don't want to freak him out by asking for exclusivity or asking about the online profile. But he's calling me every day, assuming we have a date for every weekend, and acting like my boyfriend. He has made it clear that he's at the point in his life that he's looking to settle down. If we're dating and not exclusive, that's fine. If we're exclusive and this is going somewhere, that's even better. But the last thing I need is some guy that thinks he's free to keep his options open while acting like I'm his new girlfriend. I feel like I am 16 trying to figure out how to date again. I am so clueless. Please help me...
melodymatters Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 yeah, I can relate ! All my ex's were the ones to bring up the exclusivity thing, so I don't know how I would go about it either. I guess I would use the sex as an excuse, once your lying around in bed, all happy and getting along, I would say something like " remember you said once about being a one woman man, well I'm a one man woman, especially when things get sexual because there's so many gross diseasas out there, so I'm just going to come out and ask if you are sleeping with any one else". Hopefully he'll say no way, and that he doesn't even want to and he's crazy about YOU, but this way you can preserve your ego, cause your not talking about your heart, but your HEALTH !!!
monkey00 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 3. I don't want to freak him out by asking for exclusivity or asking about the online profile. But he's calling me every day, assuming we have a date for every weekend, and acting like my boyfriend. He has made it clear that he's at the point in his life that he's looking to settle down. If we're dating and not exclusive, that's fine. If we're exclusive and this is going somewhere, that's even better. But the last thing I need is some guy that thinks he's free to keep his options open while acting like I'm his new girlfriend. ... Since he's practically treating you like a gf, maybe you should give him the benefit of the doubt and assume you're exclusive as he might already be doing. There are couples that 'assume' and there are couples that verbalize exclusivity. if you want to get it out in the open, just ask 'what are we?'
Author Meggedy Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 So from the replies so far, it seems like you guys wouldn't worry too much about him tweaking his online profile? I dunno, here's how I think of this....If I meet a guy in a singles bar, and then we start to get more intimate, I would feel an obligation not to go back to the singles bar. And especially not to get a new haircut and a fabulous new outfit and go back to the singles bar. I mean, these dating sites are for dating - right? Or am I just old and clueless about this new scene?
tanbark813 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 He might be hinting at being a one-woman guy because he wants to see if you'll say whether or not you're seeing anyone else (you didn't really say if you made that clear to him or not). As for him being on the dating site, he could just be checking to see if you've gone back on. I wouldn't worry about that. As for changing his profile, that might be suspect but he also might just be covering his bases just in case you bail on him. Girls from dating sites tend to do that a lot. At any rate, if you want to be exclusive with him then stop beating around the bush and just bring it up.
ddnnee Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 girls really ask for exclusiveness? since when?
Guest Posted December 9, 2006 Posted December 9, 2006 Just flat out ask him. Seriously. Otherwise, you'll find out only after he's not exclusive, flip out on him, and he'll have no idea what went wrong. You'll feel like he was unfaithful, when he had no idea he was breaking the rules, and the whole thing will be over before it began. Just tell him, probably over dinner. Just say: "Hey, this has been really great. I really like you, I don't even find myself wanting to see anyone else, I hope you feel that way too." If he doesn't take the hint at that and say "I do" then work it back into conversation and ask: "So, is it just me? Or do you feel this going somewhere special too?" Seriously women, if you want guys to open up about their feelings, ASK them about their feelings. That's the only way you'll know. If the guy freaks out about it then you have your answer. If he wasn't ready by the point you're describing to atleast talk about it, then he's not really that guy.
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