fooled Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 So, I finally had enough with the new girl. We have been arguing a lot. She lives an hour away and goes out, gets wasted and doesn't go back home until morning. Says she's at a friend's. So, she doesn't come over for Thanksgiving, as she has previously committed to looking after a friend/business partner's dog while he is out of town for the holiday (she bitches about it the whole time - how this is so inconvenient for her). So she is staying at his place. Says she is coming over the next day, but this friend left a VM that his flight has changed and he needs her to pick him up from the airport. I say, why her - why can't he take a cab? And she replies she doesn't know if she has his only set of keys. She ends up not coming over that night, either - as she's too tired and sleeps "on his couch." I see her the next night - at her place - we watch a movie and hang out and it's nice. This friend calls and says they have a meeting with some out of town folks on Sunday (which is a little fishy to me). But she says it's at 1PM and she can come over and spend the night with me afterwards (as it's been weeks since we've been intimate). Well, you guessed it - at 5PM she calls and says they just got done with dinner and are over the friend's house and it's impolite to leave. She told me she'd call me when she got home. I told her "I love you" and she said "Okay." I flipped. This is the 2nd time she has not responded to this in as many weeks. We hang up. She calls back. I ask why can't she leave - since we have plans. And she says "What plans? To just hang out?" I was terribly insulted and feel if "just hanging out" with your boyfriend isn't good enough - it's over. I didn't hear from her all night. She called at 11AM yesterday morning. I did not answer and will not return. I have entered NC. Does she give a damn? Probably not. But I don't need the drama and certainly deserve someone who values being with me. Man, I can't believe I found 2 bad ones in a row. This has got to be a wake-up call.
Art_Critic Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Sorry Man... Keep up the NC to heal from her... You are on the right track.. her friend isn't just a friend... She said "Okay" to your I love you because someone was in the room that she didn't want to hear it..
Kamille Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 hmmm. to answer your title question, no I don't think you broke up with her. I think if you just launch into NC without first having a conversation as too why this relationship doesn't work for you, you are setting yourself up for a long game of 'what do her actions mean'. Perhaps you are doing this as a way to keep the door open to the relationship, that is, as a way not to give up a relationship in which you are obviously not happy. Does she care? most likely. Does it mean this is a relationship you want? probably not. You have two choices: 1) decide you want to work on building the type of relationship you can be happy in. Ask her is she is willing to work on the relationship with you. Assess what you feel the issues are. Ask her what she feels they are. Hear each other out. She may not want to invest in the relationship. In which case, you have your answer. 2) If you really know you want this to be over, own up to breaking up. Have the break up conversation. Then go into NC. good luck!
Author fooled Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Sorry Man... She said "Okay" to your I love you because someone was in the room that she didn't want to hear it.. Oh, I know - and I called her on it. It was the 2nd time it happened. There won't be a third.
Speedo Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I feel you man. I think I could just cut/paste your story and post it as mine. Almost exactly the same. Here's what I've learned. Trust your gut, always. If you think there's something fishy going on, the chances are high that you are right. Even if it isn't as bad as you think, the problem is that her actions/non-actions make you feel a certain way and that you cannot trust her. That feeling alone is gutwrenching and intolerable, and will destroy your relationship regardless. I have alot of respect for what you're doing. Unlike me who went crazy on her voicemail and gave her a solid reason to get out. good luck, and keep us posted.
Author fooled Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Sorry Man... She said "Okay" to your I love you because someone was in the room that she didn't want to hear it.. Oh, I know - and I called her on it. It was the 2nd time it happened. There won't be a third. Camille - She knows I was upset on the phone. She said she'd call when she got home. She didn't. I know what her actions mean. I think she knows what's she's doing/done and the reason for my NC. I don't want to speak to this person again. I certainly don't want a confrontation because it will result in dramatic screaming on her part. I don't need it. She has chosen alcohol / other men over me. I'm done and working on moving on. She is obviously not the woman for me. Doesn't mean I don't hurt. I miss calling her.
Kamille Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 My thinking goes along these lines: it sounds like your decision is made. It's over. Now that you know it's over, you could have the break up talk as a way for you to assert yourself. By ending it and saying it is over, you gain some sense of power, and closure, over the situation. So the point of the talk is not to discuss why she does the things she does. It would be to say, listen, we had some god times, we both know it's not working out. Bye. Avoid delving into emotional issues, or any we are breaking up because you did/do this and that. If she starts screaming or tries to go into these topics, leave. It's part of letting go of the anger and disapointment you might feel about this failed relationship. K,
Author fooled Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 My thinking goes along these lines: it sounds like your decision is made. It's over. Now that you know it's over, you could have the break up talk as a way for you to assert yourself. By ending it and saying it is over, you gain some sense of power, and closure, over the situation. So the point of the talk is not to discuss why she does the things she does. It would be to say, listen, we had some god times, we both know it's not working out. Bye. Avoid delving into emotional issues, or any we are breaking up because you did/do this and that. If she starts screaming or tries to go into these topics, leave. It's part of letting go of the anger and disapointment you might feel about this failed relationship. K, Whoops, sorry I misspelled your name earlier, Kamille. I do not feel the need to assert myself. I do not feel the need for closure with someone who has so little respect for me. I made it clear to her the week before I that I was tired of not knowing where my girlfriend was spending the night. She made the decision to spend the night elsewhere again. Regarding the title of my post - I know it's over. She must know it's over from my voice the last time we spoke. She knows she's been misbehaving and knows that I know. As always - I thank everyone here for their support. I'm hurt, but not nearly as hurt as with Heidi.
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