Is it all mine or yours?

[Equality]

My fiance and I are getting married in two months. He owes a lot of money on a car and student loans. I own a house and he has an apartment. He does not want to move away from his family and he loves where he lives. I don't want to lose the financial security of my house. If we combine everything together all the money and credit is coming from me. He has no credit as he has only lived in this country a year. Would you ask him to move into your house. Gross inequality here because it is all mine...my bills, my furniture, my life, etc.

 

If we rent something together like a two bedroom apartment and rent out my house w/ a property management company then I could always go back to it. I would always have that house. If we buy something new right now It would be a great strain on my financially. Advice please. This is a big issue to us.

[Ed]

How far do you live from each other now?

 

Does he live on his own now or with his family?

 

Does he have a job?

 

If he has only lived in the country for a year, I guess that means you have only known him for year. I would consider a longer engagement period if I were you.

 

Financially, this is not a good move for you. It would be better if you waited until he has reduced his debt and built a good credit rating before taking this on.

[Equality]

He lives by himself, but his family has co-signed for things like his apartment and car. He lives 2 miles from his family. We live 40 miles from each other. Which is not long except in Los Angles...where it can take 2 hours. I would still have my house and could rent it out w/ a property management company. Basically there I could break even. I don't want to be engaged longer. We have a wonderful relationship. It is risky for sure! However, we are both in our mid/late 30's and I want a child. If I wait....anyway. We want to get married now. Any thoughts?

 

I figured if we rent together I could help him establish credit and he would be doing better for himself. Any other thoughts. It is a bad deal for me either way, but I am trying to not be unequal in our relationship. If someone feels that way they will never be happy.

[Guest]

Whether I think it is fair or equal means nothing. That is something you have to work out with him.

 

It is very nice of you to want to do all this stuff for him. I really think you are going to far with it. I don't know you or your guy and I don't know how well you know each other. All I can go by is what you type here.

 

You two may have a great relationship, but it is going to take more than that to make a marriage work. I assure you he can build a good credit rating without you marrying him. He can also get out of debt by himself without being married and retire that debt a lot quicker without having a child. Nothing you have said here indicates he is capable of handling his own debt.

 

I understand you are feeling the pressure from your biological clock. You are ready for kids, but how do you feel about being a single parent? You need to make sure you have a good, solid, stable (financially and otherwise) relationship before entering into marriage or becoming a parent.

 

Although some people would disagree with me, a marriage license does not make or break a good relationship. What's wrong with waiting a little longer to see if he can build and maintain a good track record on his own or would you rather he feel indebted and dependent on you?

 

I would love to see you live a happy, fulfilling life and I hope you do. Just make the best choices you can with the information you have. At the same time, don't make major life decisions without having enough information to base them on.

[Ed]

two hours and thiry miles does not sound very far to live away from one's parents.

[Angel]

Your post sounded a little frantic. I suppose that biological clock is more like a time bomb for you, nevertheless my gut reaction to your problem is that you are going to do tooooo much for this man------he may resent your emotional and financial strength later on once all his problems have been solved. A man has to feel like a man and be able to feel he can at least hold up his end of the relationship. I think you are feeling desperate and decisions of this magnitude should never be made when you're feeling desperate. Whatever you do DON'T SELL YOUR HOME and don't let him have any of it (loans etc). Don't be foolish and allow him to use your credit in any way shape or form. Either find a man that can give you what you need emotionally and financially or wait until he is on is feet. And good Lord, don't have a baby with him if he is that flimsy. Good luck and take a deeeep breath before you do anything.

[Tony T]

You have the makings of a beautiful romance here!!!

[BeReal]

You own a home, so why would you want to throw your money away on rent? Why not sell your house and buy something similar or less expensive in a different location?

 

I think it would be a good idea for your fiance to take advantage of your financial independence for a few years. I think he could pay off his debts faster that way. You could live in your house until he gets financially secure. 2 hours doesn't seem too far to me either. You could visit his family every couple weeks at least and they could also make the trip to you.

 

Is your fiance responsible with money? From what you said it sounded like your problem was that he had no credit as opposed to bad credit.

[Angel]

Bad credit or no credit---let him get it on his own. You'll love yourself for it later on.

 

Sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me----you sell your house, he pays off his debts, and you "hope" he establishes good credit. I wouldn't do it, most women wouldn't do it. Good luck with your decision.

[jimthzz]

not to be a buzz kill, but are you sure it's time to marry this guy?

 

You point out, rightfully so, your concerns about his financial stability and his strong apron strings.

 

Either you live with him somewhere else or move into your house or his apartment.

 

if you don't end up living in yor house, do not sell it. Try to rent it out and keep the proceeds separate from your community property.

 

I am concerned that he will drain yor assets.

 

what's the rush to marriage anyway?

 

I'd want him to show financial viability before tying the knot.