Greenfrog Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 A guy I dated briefly years ago is back in my life. This is the second guy from my past who has popped up in the last two months. It is bizarre, surreal. Am I under a bad moon right now ? Am I throwing off a weird scent ? Strange that two guys from ancient history suddenly turn up looking for me......... When we dated it was innocent, no sex. He lives in my hometown like the other guy who looked me up. He didnt know that I havent moved home yet but am about to in next two months. He keeps taking about us being friends and getting to know eachother as friends. But he's brought up being friends with benefits several times. I know he's single and is looking for a serious girlfriend. (My family knows his and he apparently keeps saying how he wants to find and marry someone) Hes 32, owns a house has cats and very stable job. So this is not a guy who is unsettled. Should I feel insulted by his suggestion ? I told him point blank that I have self respect & that would never interest me long term. Told him Id like to be friends first and if that leads to dating great, but not random sex mixed with friendship and no other strings. He didnt protest or acknowledge what I said. Should I be insulted by his suggestion ? Does that mean he doesnt see me in the girlfriend category ? If it does than Im annoyed. If so Im just going to move on, I have good self esteem and won't waste the pretty on lamo friends with benefits forever. And I really hate that expression. P.S. - I guess the problem is that I really like him so much and can see myself falling hard for him. Ive had enough heartbreak and want to avoid it even if means not talking to this guy again. (Cept to tell him I can do friends with benefits)
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Since I also don't do FWB, I would also be disinterested in someone who expressed it to me. It's not terribly flattering, is it?
Author Greenfrog Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Since I also don't do FWB, I would also be disinterested in someone who expressed it to me. It's not terribly flattering, is it? No I am sitting here brooding and slightly incensed. I pretty much know that him just uttering those words one time too many has turned me off of even being friends. In fact I may go MIA and not even speak to him again. I dont want to hear him weasel out of his words and try and convince me otherwise.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 No I am sitting here brooding and slightly incensed. I pretty much know that him just uttering those words one time too many has turned me off of even being friends. In fact I may go MIA and not even speak to him again. I dont want to hear him weasel out of his words and try and convince me otherwise. Well, you have the right to do that. If I might inject a little humour, you could always see him, eye him up and down, laugh softly and then say, "no, definitely not friends with benefits".
Author Greenfrog Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Well, you have the right to do that. If I might inject a little humour, you could always see him, eye him up and down, laugh softly and then say, "no, definitely not friends with benefits". I could but that would a be a lie. Problem is I already know I find him very attractive. Which is why I guess it's better not to even try and be friends & just get frustrated or tempted.
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I could but that would a be a lie. Problem is I already know I find him very attractive. Which is why I guess it's better not to even try and be friends & just get frustrated or tempted. Hmmm...that is a problem. Let him know one more time how insulted you are with being propositioned and that you now find it difficult to even be friends, nvm with benefits. Sometimes guys need you to smack them upside the head before they really understand.
Author Greenfrog Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Hmmm...that is a problem. Let him know one more time how insulted you are with being propositioned and that you now find it difficult to even be friends, nvm with benefits. Sometimes guys need you to smack them upside the head before they really understand. Here's conversation tonight. It went from him sounding caring to being horny and bringing up FWB for the 4 or 5th time. him~~~: hope u have been thinking of me though ~~~selkie: yes of course i have. him~~~: thinking of u too ~~~selkie: him~~~: you have such a pretty smile him~~~: i have the feeling u could use a big hug ~~~selkie: aww thx. him~~~: a long one him~~~~: u r stressed out him~~~~: and although f__king u might help him~~~~: u need reassurance right now dont u him~~~~: that everything is going to be ok ~~~selkie: yes him~~~~: that this move is going to work out for u him~~~~: that u will make freinds him~~~~: that financially u will have clients ~~~selkie: that the sellers will finally move out. him~~~~: that u will be happy and feel like u didnt lose out him~~~~: that things happen in a reasonable time him~~~~: imagine a big hug ~~~selkie: thx J~~~ him~~~~: >< him~~~~: there u go him~~~~: we may not be lovers but i will be here for u as a freind ~~~selkie: appreciated him~~~~: but if we are freinds we have to f__k at least once or twice him~~~~: maybe we will be freinds with benefits him~~~~: if i was your freind and f__ked u when u needed it good him~~~~: what would that be like? ~~~~selkie: lets see how it all unfolds. i do think youre cool. I do want to get to know you as a friend. him~~~~: u want to f__k me at least once yes? him~~~~: we have unfinished business ~~~~selkie: Yes lol
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Yes...I would smack him upside the head.
Author Greenfrog Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Im sad but I am going to have to just ignore him for now. Ill consider it fitting punishment. I have so much other stuff going on right now. Perhaps when Im calmed down and stronger Ill explain why that kind of situation would never work for me: I found a great article online that reinforces my resolution.......... snippet: Humans need love, care, sympathy, and a sense of belonging, all of which have no business whatsoever in a “friends with benefits” relationship. But as a human, one will naturally yearn for something more than a physical relationship, because it is not holistically satisfying enough. Even the toughest people need emotional comforting from time to time. People want someone they can relate to on a personal level, someone they can talk to when times are tough. At some point people will grow out of their physical-only shells, and begin to search for a deeper emotional attachment to someone they were initially only physically attracted to. Now, who begins to feel emotions is up for grabs, but one will eventually feel something more than physical for the other person. Emotions will always get in the way of a “friends with benefits” relationship. Sorry to burst your bubble people. Maybe if you are someone who does not care for feelings at ALL (which is quite hard), the “friends with benefits” may work. And even so, you cannot guarantee that the other person will feel something more than physical. Ideally, this situation would be the best. No fuss, no worries, no feelings, no strings attached. Do what you gotta do, and then get out. Literally. No heartache, no responsibilities associated with a relationship, no being tied down. Wouldn’t that be nice. But for now, people will have to stick with the one-night stand, the occasional make-out session, or an actual relationship. Decide for yourselves.
Author Greenfrog Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 So I get home tonight and log on to Yahoo Messenger & when I signed off last night, pervy predator sent me offline messages. (11/28/06 12:33:36 AM) u r so sweet (11/28/06 12:33:41 AM) so beautiful (11/28/06 12:37:57 AM) xxxooo (11/28/06 12:38:06 AM) i really like u a----- Was he trying to charm me after he already showed his true colors ? I am going to stay offline anywhere he could find me for a while. 2-3 months. I am so happy he doesn't know my last name or the exact street Im moving to. Does he seems stalkerish or will he probably lose interest when he figures out I'm incognito ? :(
norajane Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 A guy you dated doesn't know your last name? Reading those messages, I'd say he's flirting with you, badly. He thinks you're hot and would like to have sex with you, and he's trying to get you to say the same about him. He's throwing out all the sexual stuff, and you're not responding...but you left the door open for him to continue talking about f*cking you. Whenever it was that you told him point blank that you have self respect and wouldn't be interested in fwb long term, you left the door open for fwb in the short term. I'm not entirely clear on what you want, so you definitely need to spell it out for him even more clearly. I think you want to date him, as a girlfriend. I think if you give in to the tempation to be fwb, you won't ever get to the part where you're his girlfriend. It just won't work that way - you'll be stuck in fwb wasteland for a while and get more and more frustrated. He won't see you as a girlfriend if you just agree to f*ck him. Tell him that you're either friends, or you're dating - fwb isn't acceptable to you - it's all or nothing.
Author Greenfrog Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 I'm just going to vanish on him. He can wonder all he wants and then maybe figure out he shouldn't have dared suggest Friends with Benefits. Just an incredible insult. It does not matter if I am still attracted to him, he set off my internal alarm and I can not trust him whatsoever.
magichands Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 he shouldn't have dared suggest Friends with Benefits. Just an incredible insult. That really depends on how many frequent flyer points are sanctioned for each of the empty, hollow acts of "friendship." What's love got to do with it? Everything.
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