Sylky Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I have been going out with my boyfriend for 6 years and 2 months ago he went away indefinitely. We were on a break and then a month later he told me he couldn't live without me and said he was coming back. On his farewell drinks he met another girl and there was a deep connection and he became all confused on his feelings towards me. He has come back and we have basically broken up. He says that he is unhappy in his life in general and is not in the state of mind to be in a relationship. He tells me he loves me and talks about the future but is not able to make a decision on whether he wants to get back together with me. We hung out last weekend as friends but it's too hard for me as I can't just be friends with him as I love him so much. He's told me not to give up on him. I am so confused and can't understand how he could have met someone else when he told me that he loved me so much... My worst nightmare has come true, my boyfriend possibly in love with someone else...
Trialbyfire Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Much sympathy. In this scenario, just remember to take care of yourself and that you matter more than he does right now. Give him the space he needs because pushing him won't do your relationship any good. It's unfair for him to tell you not to give up on him though. It's sounds as if he wants to continue stringing you along.
silentcharon Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I feel for you, I really do. I'm in the same situation right now too. I went NC the first time because there was too much confusion when we tried to be friends. He broke NC by saying he wanted to try being friends, then a couple of weeks later, he proclaimed that he was still in love with me, but that there was another girl in the picture. I was with him for 7 years, we broke up nearly a year ago now. Basically he saw how the grass wasn't greener on the other side and isn't sure. I knew this had to happen- that we both had to date other people to find out what it was that we both wanted. The crux of the situation has arrived, of the last eight years, the break up included- everything is at a standstill now. I still intend on moving on with my life, and you should too. For sure, give him his space, yes, even to pursue the other girl if he wants to. My mistake was that I didn't go NC in the first place at the time of the break up like I should have. Why? My ex told me, "If you had left sooner, I would have realized my feelings sooner than later." So give him a wide berth.
amerikajin Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I hope this doesn't sound like I'm being a smart ass, as it's an honest question, but...can I ask why you dated for 6 years without getting married? There's no rule, but for me, I think at the end of a year is when I'd start thinking about whether I should or shouldn't marry someone; otherwise, I think you just end up setting a pattern in which you live together but the relationship doesn't grow. I think the relationship stopped growing because without a commitment there was no motivation to grow together. People living together for 5 or 6 years without getting married or at least engaged is indicative of a couple that doesn't really know what they want or expect from each other. It's easy for one or the other to drift over time. That's my take.
ely Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I have been going out with my boyfriend for 6 years and 2 months ago he went away indefinitely. We were on a break and then a month later he told me he couldn't live without me and said he was coming back. On his farewell drinks he met another girl and there was a deep connection and he became all confused on his feelings towards me. He has come back and we have basically broken up. He says that he is unhappy in his life in general and is not in the state of mind to be in a relationship. He tells me he loves me and talks about the future but is not able to make a decision on whether he wants to get back together with me. We hung out last weekend as friends but it's too hard for me as I can't just be friends with him as I love him so much. He's told me not to give up on him. I am so confused and can't understand how he could have met someone else when he told me that he loved me so much... My worst nightmare has come true, my boyfriend possibly in love with someone else... You have given yourself to him for six years, and never received a firm commitment (marriage proposal) and he breaks off the relationship and met someone else? Why did you allow yourself to be in a relationship for too long...... You did not mention if children are involved....
silentcharon Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Why are you even bringing up marriage? Couples drift apart whether they're married or not. It doesn't mean all of the couples don't know what they want from each other, perhaps they're content with their significant others that they don't need a piece of paper proclaiming their commitment. Some do, either way, crap happens. The poster probably had reasons for not mentioning marriage, obviously because it's not the issue for the poster.
Author Sylky Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Thanks for your comments and it's nice to hear from someone who is going through the same thing. It's so hard to deal with as there is some other girl in the picture and I think he is confused because he has given it a proper chance with her to realise. Also he musn't have been 100% on me if he was still open to having feelings for this other girl who he has only known for a week and has been with me for 6 years!!! That's what really does my head in, as he was telling me there's nothing else in the world that he wanted than to be with me and then he meets this girl... I'm 26 and he's 30 and there's no kids involved. I'm not ready to get married just yet, maybe in a couple of years and I'm kinda glad that this has happened now and not further down the track...
Author Sylky Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Much sympathy. In this scenario, just remember to take care of yourself and that you matter more than he does right now. Give him the space he needs because pushing him won't do your relationship any good. It's unfair for him to tell you not to give up on him though. It's sounds as if he wants to continue stringing you along. That's what all my friends are telling me that it was unhealthy for us to keep hanging out and by spending time together it may take him longer to make a decision. At this stage I can't just be friends with him as I want so much more than that and he isn't ready to give me that. I toss and turn at night thinking about him and this other girl and it makes me sick to the stomach...
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