I want him sooooo bad!

[Guest]

I am a married woman bored out of my mind!

 

Met a married man a few months ago. Instantly attracted to him and vice versa. Problem is we have not acknowledged our true feelings for each other, out of respect for our spouses, and I assume not wanting to start something that would also cause lotsa trouble!

 

MM gives me mixed signals. One day he is attentive and hanging on to my every word and other days it's like I'm not even there. I shouldn't even bother with worrying about that, but I can't help it. He has my heart.

 

I haven't gotten physical with him, but yet I feel he has had me, I turn to putty whenever I am around him.

 

I have never been physically attracted to my husband. My husband has always been a sweet caring person and I guess that's why I fell in love with him, but like I said before the attraction has never been there and it really bothers me that I can't see past that, because I know he deserves better.

 

Can anyone see past not feeling physically and sexually attracted to their spouse? and maybe just learning to live with all the other good qualities the person might have? Or am I missing out in the physically good looks and body category? Gosh, I sound so shallow! I dislike that of myself, but can't help what I feel.

[Trialbyfire]

If I were to take a guess, I would guess that you're going through infatuation and on the edge of doing something you might regret for the rest of your life.

 

Your husband is a nice guy. Does he deserve this?

[Anka]

Dont do this.

 

You may be bored in your M but guess what??

 

Your marriage is YOUR responsibilty as well as his. If you are not happy in your M, its partly your fault.

Your hubby may be bored to. Maybe you should go to him with this, try to spice things up alittle.

Its normal and very human to get these feeling for someone besides your spouse, but when you took your vows, you swore to be in it for better or worse. YOU made these promises.

If you go through with this, you will horribly damage your M and you not be happy with it.

Why croos the line?

How long have you been M?

[outofdarkness]

I am a married woman bored out of my mind!

 

Met a married man a few months ago. Instantly attracted to him and vice versa. Problem is we have not acknowledged our true feelings for each other, out of respect for our spouses, and I assume not wanting to start something that would also cause lotsa trouble!

 

MM gives me mixed signals. One day he is attentive and hanging on to my every word and other days it's like I'm not even there. I shouldn't even bother with worrying about that, but I can't help it. He has my heart.

 

I haven't gotten physical with him, but yet I feel he has had me, I turn to putty whenever I am around him.

 

I have never been physically attracted to my husband. My husband has always been a sweet caring person and I guess that's why I fell in love with him, but like I said before the attraction has never been there and it really bothers me that I can't see past that, because I know he deserves better.

 

Can anyone see past not feeling physically and sexually attracted to their spouse? and maybe just learning to live with all the other good qualities the person might have? Or am I missing out in the physically good looks and body category? Gosh, I sound so shallow! I dislike that of myself, but can't help what I feel.

stop living in a fantasy world, take care of your marriage and act like a mature woman.....We ALL wish for things that we don't have at one time or another, but that doesn't mean it's OK to act on the feelings! Get into marriage couns. right away...You said vows to him and it is YOUR responsibility to care for and nurture the marriage too. As far as being ually attracted to your H, I think that MC should help that too...Good luck...

[Romeo Must Die]

Right now you are in a flighty, selfish mode & I'm probably just wasting my time writing this since MM has your heart but here goes nothing.

 

You have this ideal relationship with MM going on in your head, but since you havent even consummated the relationship yet, its just a fantasy you created for yourself as far as I'm concerned. The reality would be more like your husband finding out. There would be alot of screaming & name calling and wanting to beat MM to death and more. Divorce court. Selling the house. Living on a maintenance check. You risk losing your support and the existance as you now know it. Will your lover be there to support you? Would he leave his wife for you?

 

In every married life there will always be temptation, but you would be a fool to give in to it. When you see or hear from the MM, go NC with him now before it is too late. It might sting a little bit at first, but it will fade.

 

You dont get 20 years of marriage kind of love and commitment from an affair. It takes twenty years to build that kind of life. The idea is that you have to build on it together, taking the bad with the good. That is what a family does for one another and thats how I see married life. Its a family, not just in name only, it's so much more deeper and intimate and more private than any affair.

 

The only commitment you have with the MM is when you get together next to blankety blank. Why else would a MM be interested in you. Then your lust will fade, the lies will be revealed and you will be left with the disaster you created. Your sin will betray you, your lover and everything that is meaningful to you, and by then it will be too late.

 

My advice is that you spend a little of your free time thinking about why you need so much attention and whats missing or broken inside you that you need this kind of attention from a MM. Start counting your blessings in life, and spend some time making that life a better one and focus on that. And stop re-writing history, thats the first thing a cheater will say about their spouse, Im not attracted towards them. We dont blankety blank. Its cliche and boring.

 

[Guest]

Right now you are in a flighty, selfish mode & I'm probably just wasting my time writing this since MM has your heart but here goes nothing.

 

You have this ideal relationship with MM going on in your head, but since you havent even consummated the relationship yet, its just a fantasy you created for yourself as far as I'm concerned. The reality would be more like your husband finding out. There would be alot of screaming & name calling and wanting to beat MM to death and more. Divorce court. Selling the house. Living on a maintenance check. You risk losing your support and the existance as you now know it. Will your lover be there to support you? Would he leave his wife for you?

 

In every married life there will always be temptation, but you would be a fool to give in to it. When you see or hear from the MM, go NC with him now before it is too late. It might sting a little bit at first, but it will fade.

 

You dont get 20 years of marriage kind of love and commitment from an affair. It takes twenty years to build that kind of life. The idea is that you have to build on it together, taking the bad with the good. That is what a family does for one another and thats how I see married life. Its a family, not just in name only, it's so much more deeper and intimate and more private than any affair.

 

The only commitment you have with the MM is when you get together next to blankety blank. Why else would a MM be interested in you. Then your lust will fade, the lies will be revealed and you will be left with the disaster you created. Your sin will betray you, your lover and everything that is meaningful to you, and by then it will be too late.

 

My advice is that you spend a little of your free time thinking about why you need so much attention and whats missing or broken inside you that you need this kind of attention from a MM. Start counting your blessings in life, and spend some time making that life a better one and focus on that. And stop re-writing history, thats the first thing a cheater will say about their spouse, Im not attracted towards them. We dont blankety blank. Its cliche and boring.

 

 

No, you did not waste yor time with me and I sincerely thank you. I read your post about 5 times and I think I finally get it. Meaning- I really need to work on myself and my marriage.

 

I like to run and when I go running it's usually the time when I can think the most clearly. Today I went for a long run and as I was running I came to the conclusion that my needing so much attention probably stems from childhood issues.

 

 

My father cheated on my mother many many times, and as a result of that I have many half siblings roaming around the country. He is still with my mother and has never expressed remorse to her, me, or any of my siblings. A lot of these women my father cheated with worked for him and he even had the audacity to have them live with us for long periods of time. (very disturbing!) So, I guess it's safe to say I have a lot of anger issues and they are just resurfacing now.

 

My poor husband has been unaware of these issues. I feel I have to tell him, but it is not that easy to tell someone when it's hard to admit it even to yourself.

 

As far as MM is concerned, I think I can somehow manage to slowly but surely wean myself from him. Today I realized he wasn't all that I thought he was. You and others who posted were right, he has most likely been a fantasy dream guy I made up.

 

Thanks again for your advice. I think I am on the right track for now. Anymore advice would be appreciated.

[Romeo Must Die]

I had a mom who drank tremendously, I just make it a point not to drink (not religuously of course, occasionaly I will but nothing like she did) and I have made sure that history dies with my mom's generation. A hundred years from now, nobody will have remembered that but me. Not even her, she was too stupid drunk to recall which daughter I was half the time, alright.

 

You have a choice, to make good choices for yourself, or bad choices. You have the ability to drop this emotional affair and do a 180 on MM like I do on alcolholics. You could write your dad a letter and get your old feelings out in writing (unless you are in the will, otherwise forget what I just said okay, lol) but dont re-live your dad's mistakes just to fix them.

 

Peace