mark1210 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 So, as of Friday the girl I've been dating for a month and I made it official and we are now exclusive. Now in the beginning I only called and txt'd her twice a week. However as of two weeks ago we talked everyday...at my doing of course. So I talked with one of my friends today and he has the following concerns that haven't really crossed my mind: 1. She is still on several dating sites, and I mentioned this a week ago. She indicated they were gone. However, one of my other friends spotted her on another site that she has never mentioned. It reflects she was active 3 days ago. 2. She has been engaged twice, her most recent engagement ended 7 months ago. My friend is concerned I'm a "shoe in" and that she has basically removed her ex and inserted me in his place. He feels she still is wanting marriage although she never has mentioned it to me. 3. She met my friends Sunday at a fancy restaurant. When I was gone to the bathroom she apparently opened the book that had the bill. Closed it and put it back. My friends commented to me that it was rude of her. 4. She had a boob job a while back, claims it wasn't for superficial reasons (it really makes no difference to me) but my friends say I'm a fool to believe that based on how she always dresses. 5. Monday morning we were going to eat breakfast at the Waffle House, I put on Sweatpants and a t-shirt...after all its not a fancy place. She refused to leave the house unless I changed into something more appropriate. I changed clothes and my friends now call me a floppy c*ck because of it. 6. As one of my friends pointed out, it seems I txt or e-mail her far more than she does. My friends think I should greatly increase the response time in responding to her messages since she does with me. They also think I should not call her...go a few days and see if she calls me. If she doesn't call by Friday then they feel odds are she isn't happy or really doesn't want this. When I tell her I miss her via txt she never says she misses me back but she responds to the other comments. Is this a ploy? 7. I overheard one of her girlfriends on the phone saying she heard wedding bells between her and I because she is so happy. Of course, this didn't sit well with me. 8. She claims she loves for her man *in this case me* to shower her with attention. However, I rarely get any from her unless I set up the dates, call, txt, etc. Seems very one-sided. And finally, my friends pointed out to me today that apparently she is "Alpha" because of her rant on the Waffle House and that she has no inclination to respond quickly or call me because she knows I will be there waiting and not going anywhere. As for my thoughts, I adore this woman, she is amazing, but I question if I am really valuable to her. She never txt's me saying she misses me, she only txt's in response to mine...hours later. The personal ads still up make me wonder if she is still shopping around. I know its a very new relationship but I have been burned so many times in the past so I am very observant on these signs. I'd like everyone's thoughts here on how to proceed. Thanks!
Marielle Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Ok, first of all, why are your friends opinion so important, the word "friends" is repeated all over your post. SOme points are valid, some are not, however I can't get past the "friends tell me this, friends tell me that" stage to be able to give you advice. Let's see what others say (I agree the "bill thing" was not very proper)
gfto Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I hate to say it, but it doesn't sound to me like this girl is very into you. How exactly did you two become "official"? Who brought it up first? Did she specifically ask you to be her boyfriend, or to be exclusive with her?
Author mark1210 Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 I brought it up and did some whole elaborate deal at a park, candles, etc. She cried and said she was thinking the exact same thing.
johan Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 My thoughts: You may be relying on the judgments of others. Consider an alternative. You can judge for yourself how to dress to go to Waffle House. You don't need her to tell you how to dress, and you can let her know that. You can judge for yourself whether to change because she complains. And your frinds need to understand that you made a decision. You can judge for yourself what her emails mean and whether your relationship is too one-sided. You don't need your friends to tell you whether she's what you want. You know in your heart whether her fake breasts are a superficial thing or not. You can decide for yourself whether that represents the character of the woman you want to be with. You don't need people here at LS to help you evaluate the situation. You're in it. Is it what you want? Do you want to wait and see? It's for you to decide, and what anyone else thinks of it shouldn't matter a bit. Just have faith that if you realize that it isn't what you want that you'll move on and do the right thing for yourself. If you make a decision and show that you know in your heart it's the right thing for you, then everyone else will trust that. If you show doubt and seek advice and consider what others think too much, then they won't respect you. Maybe what I picked up on isn't really what's going on. But it never hurts to be reminded that you can figure this stuff out just fine for yourself. There isn't anyone with more, better information on how to live your life than you.
gfto Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I brought it up and did some whole elaborate deal at a park, candles, etc. She cried and said she was thinking the exact same thing. Honestly, Mark, and with all due respect, I don't necessarily think this makes you two exclusive. It's always better to play it cool, keep it light, and let HER bring up exclusivity. That's how you find out whether she really likes you, or if you're wasting your time. From the tone of your post, it sounds like you have that uneasy gut feeling that something isn't right with this girl. (After all, that's why you're posting here!) That kind of gut feeling is usually correct. It could be that she's just not that into you. Or, it could be that she's into you, but she just has a lousy attitude. Either way, you might be subjecting yourself to lots of misery. The only thing I can suggest to find out where you really stand with this girl is to pull back a little. Cut out the text messages completely. Call only to set up dates. Does she laugh at your jokes? Kiss you goodnight? Touch your when you're out on the town? Or, does she seem distant?
Author mark1210 Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Thanks for the advice everyone. I didn't call or txt her at all last night. When I was asleep at 11:45 she txt'd me saying "I'm surprised I haven't heard from you, my bed still smells like you xoxo" Then at 5:00AM (when I get up for work) she calls asking how my night was, etc. Kinda surprising she set her alarm and did that. Perhaps me pulling away shocked and/or surprised her. Whatever happened she now wants me to go with her out of town. She pointed out again that she had a great time at the fancy restaurant and can't believe I spent as much as I did. In fact, she told her friend about it. I guess I don't understand a woman's logic here. If its my money, and I invited her, whats it matter the cost? The topic of the online profiles came up during conversation, she indicated to me that I shouldn't be concerned with them, that she spends practically everyday with me, is intimate with me, and talks to everyone about me. She also pointed out that if I can't trust her then I shouldn't be with her. That is a valid point I suppose. Yet, she made no mention of removing them. I know from my own perspective, until they are gone there is no chance I will ever take things to another level if we ever get to that point.
littlekitty Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Genuine concern from friends is wonderful, but yours seem to be nit picking every tiny point about her! Are you happy?! You don't sound miserable. That would be MY main concern if you were my friend. Either way, as Johan said, it is up to you to decide these things. Not your 'friends'. Have you tried asking her why she feels the need to keep these profiles going? I have to admit, to me, that is a red flag. Much of the other stuff wasn't particularly worrysome IMO.
Walk Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 The dating web sites would be a big red flag for me too! I'd be upset if my bf told me what to wear when going out to a really casual breatfast place. That would really bother me. I guess take it slow. Talk to her and keep the lines of communication open, and if things start hitting you the wrong way, then re-evaluate what you want in a partner and see if she is still it.
gfto Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 The dating web sites would be a big red flag for me too! Definitely. And, the restaurant/bill thing is a yellow flag. Proceed with caution.
Author mark1210 Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Well i still felt very uneasy about things and that site. i called her to express my feelings and she basically blames me and tells me the profile will stay up because she paid for 3 months and taking it down would be a waste of money. with that being said i broke up with her 2 freaking days in a relationship. i guess expecting honesty and trust is just too much to ask for. im so tired of breakups and dating i just dont know what to do. my friends of course are making fun of me that i cant keep a relationship for 2 days even. all my posts on this site should give some background info on prior events. Sent from a mobile device.
tanbark813 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Good for you, man. This is messed up: i called her to express my feelings and she basically blames me and tells me the profile will stay up because she paid for 3 months and taking it down would be a waste of money. She's either keeping her options open or is f**ked in the head.
gfto Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Excellent work Mark. This girl wasn't into you. Don't get discouraged. It's a numbers game. Think how much worse you'd feel if you had let this drag on for two more months and then gotten dumped by her. Get back out there and get five new phone numbers this weekend (it's easier than you think!). And, remember, next time, just focus on making her laugh and let HER ask you to be exclusive. Good luck!
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