Guest Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Back in March I found out my husband cheated on me. We hadn't been getting along well and were contemplating divorce. 2 days later I found out I was pregnant. I stayed with him and we have been working on it, but I still can't get the thoughts of what he did out of my head. I was told it only happened once, but it is still killing me. I had our daughter 2 weeks ago and am now going through a sort of depression because of this. It has been almost 9 months now and it feels like it just happened yesterday. His family knows about it because the person he cheated on me with works for one of his brothers. His brother found out and told my husband that either my husband tell me or him and his wife (my sister-in-law) would. Now, I have two questions.... 1) I want to tell them that they should have minded their own business because I wish I never knew about it. My husband came home the next day after it happened and has been committed to our marriage ever since. Should I say something to them? Also, they bring this girl up quite often (she is now engaged and pregnant, and I was told about it). Should I ask them not to even bring it up because it bothers me? 2) Will these thoughts about my husband and this girl together ever go away? Sometimes I feel like I will never stop thinking about it. Thanks for your help. This is my first post. I have been looking for a forum where I can get some advice on this.
JadeStar Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 ) I want to tell them that they should have minded their own business because I wish I never knew about it. My husband came home the next day after it happened and has been committed to our marriage ever since. Should I say something to them? Also, they bring this girl up quite often (she is now engaged and pregnant, and I was told about it). Should I ask them not to even bring it up because it bothers me? 2) Will these thoughts about my husband and this girl together ever go away? Sometimes I feel like I will never stop thinking about it. IMO I don't think you need to tell them you wish you didn't know. Its to late for that now, you know and its best to deal with the info that was given to you. The only thing I would say is you could ask them to stop referring to this girl or at least in your presence. Tell them you feel its disrespectful of your feelings. The thoughts will probably and hopefully become less and less over time. Although, I would venture to say the thoughts might not ever truly go away. Even though your husband seems to be committed to the marriage since this happened, you all still might want to get into marriage counseling. Jade
bab Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I agree with Jade. You already know, so it is water under the bridge. If they minded their own business, your husband might not have gotten the wake up call that he really needed. On the other hand, it is totally inappropriate that they ever bring her up. This you can definitely ask them to stop doing. As far as forgetting, you probably never will. On the other hand having a child is a very emotional experience and so it is probably heightening your hurt. As you see the change in your husbands committment level, and as time progesses, the pain will decrease. Best of luck to you.
whichwayisup Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Does this girls husband know what happened? I think that he has a right to know. And, hate to ask, but how far along is she in her pregnacy? I really hope to heck there's NO chance of it being your husband's child... You and your husband may need some marriage counselling, just to strengthen your bond together, and it sounds like some one on one counselling could be good for you as well. Should I say something to them? Also, they bring this girl up quite often (she is now engaged and pregnant, and I was told about it). Should I ask them not to even bring it up because it bothers me? Yes, out of respect, they shouldn't be dicussing her with you or your husband around. That woman shouldn't be part of your lives in any sort of way! Keep posting and I hope you that you feel better.
iforgavehim Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I am the person who originally posted this. I decided to register to this forum. Thank you for your responses. As far as I know, this girl's fiance doesn't know. I don't know him, or else I would tell him. Also, she just found out she is pregnant, so I know it is not my husband's. I do hope that my feelings are heightened because of the recent birth. Thanks again.
Guest Posted April 12, 2007 Posted April 12, 2007 I am the person who originally posted this. I decided to register to this forum. Thank you for your responses. As far as I know, this girl's fiance doesn't know. I don't know him, or else I would tell him. Also, she just found out she is pregnant, so I know it is not my husband's. I do hope that my feelings are heightened because of the recent birth. Thanks again. let me get this right, youd tell her fiance? even though you yourself didn't want to be told about your husband and her? congratulations on your new baby! enjoy her! She is your priority. why blame your brother in law and his wife for what you are going through? they didnt do it to you, YOUR husband did. they probably had your best interests at heart. his brother probably didn't want your husband causing such trouble in the workplace either. take your little girl and leave find some honesty and dignity. you dont need to be stressing out over him when your baby needs you to be happy.
FireandIce Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 I have been in your situation but as the old saying goes "don't shoot the messenger". They felt you had a right to know and like someone else here said, if you didn't find out then maybe your husband wouldn't have gotten the wake up call that he so obviously needed. I'd maybe mention to the sister in law that you don't feel comfortable when they talk about the other woman in front of you. I'm sure she'll understand. I wouldn't give them crap about telling you (or wanting to tell you) because honestly IMO it sounds as if they were trying to look out for you.
Trialbyfire Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 I would be grateful if someone had told me. You never know what he might have brought home if he wasn't caught. As for bringing her up, yes, I would discuss it with them so they understand that it hurts you when you're constantly reminded of her. They might be bringing her up to force your husband to continue toeing the line.
Sup Posted April 14, 2007 Posted April 14, 2007 I am the person who originally posted this. I decided to register to this forum. Thank you for your responses. As far as I know, this girl's fiance doesn't know. I don't know him, or else I would tell him. Also, she just found out she is pregnant, so I know it is not my husband's. I do hope that my feelings are heightened because of the recent birth. Thanks again. If I were you, if you found out who she is marring, I would tell him what she and your husband did, just to give him a heads up. They could've been together for a long time. It's time for him to know too.
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