angelwings_72801 Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 My husband and I are sepperated, after a day of running errands he calls me up and tells me...... I fixed the 18 wheeler I fixed the brakes on the car I am on my way out to the house to empty the trash off of this trailer and I'll bring you the dogs kennel over to your apt, I'll be there in about an hour. I said o.k. and we hung up, a little while later I received a phone call from a friend that said....Hey I say you today coming from Delaware, I said it wasn't me, they said it was your car I saw your vanity plates ....I said Oh, it was probably my husband. My husband showed up on time and I asked him if he was out at a certain friends house and he said "Yes". I asked why he left that out when he told me everything else he'd did all today...His answer was because I knew you don't like this person and you'd be upset. I consider this a lie, Guilt by omission... he say it not because when I asked him he admitted it. I say its a lie because , he made the decision to make sure I didn't find out that he was there, he said he left it out on purpose only to spare "my feelings". I also asked if I would not have asked him about someone seeing our car, would he have told me. His answer was "No". He said its not a lie because when I asked him about it he told me the truth. I say it became a lie when he made the "choice" to make sure I didn't find out he went there. Not the fact that he told me yes when I asked him. He thinks that because he said yes when asked its o.k. therefore not a lie. The main reason we aren't together at the moment is lack of trust and his lying. Please reply to this post.......We both are curious to see if this would bother most people. I say "Yes" he say "No".
melodymatters Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 depends on who the " certain friend" is !! If its somone he cheated with, or say, his drug dealer, thats not OK. If it's just some guy pal of his that you don't care for , no big deal. I guess I would have to vote that it's not technically a lie. I'm sure he also ate and pissed and didnt meantion that either, but if there's a history of lies, that makes it tough to ever believe anything they say. Good luck !!!
dgiirl Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 eek... i had this exact debate with my exh right before he left me for another woman. yah he kind left out the fact that he made a new "friend" and had lunch with her. When I asked him if he went to a certain resturant because he stank like the food, he'd deny it, then tell me he wasnt lying. He just wasnt giving out information.
Romeo Must Die Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 The issue at hand is that your husband is a conflict avoider and he chooses to lie, or, simply omit the important details to avoid confrentation with you. That is how he copes with a bad situation and he has a problem & he cant quite admit that to you. It is selfish of him to do that, and it tells me that his need (to visit this friend) were that much more important than you and your needs. He made two mistakes. He betrayed your trust going to this friends, and he lied to you to cover-up for it. He even gave you some details about how hard he worked on the vehicles to distract you (so he spent time thinking about this) and thats just deceitful. Also, he has you babysitting his dogs and taking your car out at his convinience, so he is capable of using you, too. He has gained something from that. A free babysitter. He probably saved himself 100 bucks from a kennel. What a good deal. Why are you helping him. When my husband was cheating, he said he had to go to the shed, which I am assuming he did that, but he also spent the entire day with the other woman, and that part he left out. He got his tires slashed for that one (and all the lies in between) because I finally caught him there parked up against her garage. Why jack me around and lie to me. If he insisted on having this woman for company, why didnt he just confont me and tell me the truth? That way I would be out of the picture and he could do whatever he wanted with whomever he wanted, free and clear. After that, he was also seeing her the entire time we were seperated. It was lie after lie after bloody lie. Why do people lie, because its seems easier for them. It's always harder to do the right thing so they work ten times harder to try to make up for the one lie. Honor does not come easily, it's hard earned for alot of hard work and self sacrifice as a human being. Its earned respect for giving the basic respect to another person above and beyond you and your own personal needs. Nobody respects a liar. A liar has no honor, no self respect.
outofdarkness Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 My husband and I are sepperated, after a day of running errands he calls me up and tells me...... I fixed the 18 wheeler I fixed the brakes on the car I am on my way out to the house to empty the trash off of this trailer and I'll bring you the dogs kennel over to your apt, I'll be there in about an hour. I said o.k. and we hung up, a little while later I received a phone call from a friend that said....Hey I say you today coming from Delaware, I said it wasn't me, they said it was your car I saw your vanity plates ....I said Oh, it was probably my husband. My husband showed up on time and I asked him if he was out at a certain friends house and he said "Yes". I asked why he left that out when he told me everything else he'd did all today...His answer was because I knew you don't like this person and you'd be upset. I consider this a lie, Guilt by omission... he say it not because when I asked him he admitted it. I say its a lie because , he made the decision to make sure I didn't find out that he was there, he said he left it out on purpose only to spare "my feelings". I also asked if I would not have asked him about someone seeing our car, would he have told me. His answer was "No". He said its not a lie because when I asked him about it he told me the truth. I say it became a lie when he made the "choice" to make sure I didn't find out he went there. Not the fact that he told me yes when I asked him. He thinks that because he said yes when asked its o.k. therefore not a lie. The main reason we aren't together at the moment is lack of trust and his lying. Please reply to this post.......We both are curious to see if this would bother most people. I say "Yes" he say "No". I remember that one of the things my H used to do while cheating was to make sure that he was VERY aware of my schedule and that I was VERY aware of his. This eliminated any "run ins" or "slip ups". As far as leaving our info being like telling a lie, I am VERY big on this. I believe that omitting info is just as bad if not worst then telling a lie...Hope this helps and good luck to you...
PoshPrincess Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Not that I haven't lied by omission myself in the past but looking at it from your point of view, no I wouldn't like it either. I DO think it's lying. I had an XBF (the current BF) who had a very good female friend at work, who he knew I was slightly insecure about, because she was stunning and most importantly 'slim' which at the time I was not. Anyway, they had a falling out at work and a few days later she left him a little note on his desk offering the olive branch. I found the note in his sock drawer a few days later! I didn't mind that she'd given him the note - I knew SHE wasn't interested in HIM - it was the fact that (a) he hadn't mentioned it and (b) it must have meant something for him to keep it in the first place. So, basically, I can see why you would be hurt by your husbands 'omission'. I would be interested though to hear who this 'friend' is and why he felt the need to hide this visit from you.
silktricks Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Lying by omission is still lying. It's getting you to believe something that isn't true. His was even a little more than omission, as he could have just not said anything about anything he did. But noooo, he told you about a bunch of stuff that he did, to imply that was all he did. Definitely a lie.
Recommended Posts