puddleofmud Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I have an issue about what has been discussed: (and perhaps this was only spoken of for "funnies" and not seriously--and I am reading into this with my own personal issues?) If so, please excuse my misunderstanding. As a person who would like to eventually go forward and hope the best about having another relationship; I am confused about "locking up the cake"... Why? Does this mean that that we as women should make ourselves literally responsible for a cheater? That we are to blame for their bad behavior? And that if we lock them down we think that will provide us security? As well, if the cake is locked up that may also mean that he would not be available to other women. Does that mean that it is soley women who would lead the cake astray? And, if one should be a good baker does that also mean that we as bakers are responsible for the cake's behavior? If that should have been what these post were about then I respectfully disagree! I want tasty cake that I don't have to worry about. I want cake that is frosted to the gills and gives me and only me sugar. I don't want to lock it up, down, or feel the need to care about what it's around!
Guest Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Here's a question why don't these married men just pay for sex.I know alot of them do. Hwever, It seems like all they want is to have sex with no hassles. Why would anyone including my mm put up with the constant arguments and discussions if in the end all they wanted was not to be committed and have sex whenever they wanted. So in the back of their mind they must want more. More being what?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 POM, Actually I was being very silly. I was sort of implying that cakes left out will be eaten not that they should be locked up. My issues, I know. This week 3 friends of friends and my best friends sister found out there H was having an A. Myself, I question daily whether their is a man out there capable of fidelity. Kinda where I was going with that. Sorry didn't mean to offend, really was just blowing off steam. Guest, It truly isn't about sex - its about having your ego stroked, being wanted by many woman, the chase, juggling the W and OW successfully (they take pride in this), as well as the adrenaline rush - Don't believe it, just ask how many BS's were having sex with their H's atleast once a day. With cakemen especially (I do realize that there are other types of affairs) it's not at all about sex.
herenow Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I have an issue about what has been discussed: (and perhaps this was only spoken of for "funnies" and not seriously--and I am reading into this with my own personal issues?) If so, please excuse my misunderstanding. As a person who would like to eventually go forward and hope the best about having another relationship; I am confused about "locking up the cake"... Why? Does this mean that that we as women should make ourselves literally responsible for a cheater? That we are to blame for their bad behavior? And that if we lock them down we think that will provide us security? As well, if the cake is locked up that may also mean that he would not be available to other women. Does that mean that it is soley women who would lead the cake astray? And, if one should be a good baker does that also mean that we as bakers are responsible for the cake's behavior? If that should have been what these post were about then I respectfully disagree! I want tasty cake that I don't have to worry about. I want cake that is frosted to the gills and gives me and only me sugar. I don't want to lock it up, down, or feel the need to care about what it's around! OK, so first of all I really was just rambling, but they say that even a joke has truth in it. What I really believe is, if there is communication, honesty and trust in the mix of a marriage, neither the W or the H should need to worry about leaving the "cake" out, whatever that means. But, if those things start to falter, then problems arise and those problems need to be fixed to be able to re-build the marriage again, hopefully into a better tasting cake. I'm not sure the cake analogy really works, but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
herenow Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 POM, Actually I was being very silly. I was sort of implying that cakes left out will be eaten not that they should be locked up. My issues, I know. This week 3 friends of friends and my best friends sister found out there H was having an A. Myself, I question daily whether their is a man out there capable of fidelity. Kinda where I was going with that. Sorry didn't mean to offend, really was just blowing off steam. Guest, It truly isn't about sex - its about having your ego stroked, being wanted by many woman, the chase, juggling the W and OW successfully (they take pride in this), as well as the adrenaline rush - Don't believe it, just ask how many BS's were having sex with their H's atleast once a day. With cakemen especially (I do realize that there are other types of affairs) it's not at all about sex. I wonder of the cake I baked last night had anything to do with this thread. I will say that it was delicious! I even let the kids decorate it, profound isn't it?
NoIDidn't Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I wonder of the cake I baked last night had anything to do with this thread. I will say that it was delicious! I even let the kids decorate it, profound isn't it? You are NOT supposed to share the "cake"man with the kids. Let alone let them decorate him. Now that's just gross! LOL.
pricillia Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 not sure if my MM is a cake eater or not... How does one judge?
frannie Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Here's a question why don't these married men just pay for sex.I know alot of them do. Hwever, It seems like all they want is to have sex with no hassles. Why would anyone including my mm put up with the constant arguments and discussions if in the end all they wanted was not to be committed and have sex whenever they wanted. So in the back of their mind they must want more. More being what? Are you saying that MM want only sex with no hassle? Or that they want more than that?
frannie Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 not sure if my MM is a cake eater or not... How does one judge? Well, that's exactly what I was asking earlier in the thread. It's all very well to say what's (supposedly) in the mind of a cake-man, but how can one tell from behaviour that you're dealing with someone who needs two (or more) women, rather than someone who wants a relationship with just one woman, but doesn't see an (easy?) way to achieve that?
IfWishesWereHorses Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 I would think that history would be the best indicator. Has he done this before. Are their other, other woman involved or have their been. Another good indicator would be ego or attention. Is this man an attention hound? (don't remember whether you are/have been around him in social situations) Another good indicator is humility. Is he capable of it? And I don't mean the excuse of staying for the kids or what I'm doing is wrong (that could be mere justification and seeking of sympathy), but in other areas of his life does he have humility and is able to admit that he has a possibility for improvement. How does he handle shame, that's a big one. You are right that there is a definite difference in cakemen and someone who happens to have fallen in love with another person - though as I've stated, I find NO respect in not accepting the consequeces for your decisions.
frannie Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 I would think that history would be the best indicator. Has he done this before. Are their other, other woman involved or have their been. Another good indicator would be ego or attention. Is this man an attention hound? (don't remember whether you are/have been around him in social situations) Another good indicator is humility. Is he capable of it? And I don't mean the excuse of staying for the kids or what I'm doing is wrong (that could be mere justification and seeking of sympathy), but in other areas of his life does he have humility and is able to admit that he has a possibility for improvement. How does he handle shame, that's a big one. You are right that there is a definite difference in cakemen and someone who happens to have fallen in love with another person - though as I've stated, I find NO respect in not accepting the consequeces for your decisions. Oooh. Those sound like very good suggestions. We have the makings of discovering the behavioural habits of 'the cakeman' perhaps..! Though I still suspect that 'cakemen' are very similar to NPD people...
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