guest Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 7 years ago i was in a marrage that lasted 2 months. he was very abusive, both mentally and physically. when i got away from him i swore that i would never bring that part of my life up again, that i just wanted to forget everything and move on in a normal life.... i live in a small town so people naturally know about the situation. my boyfriend lives an hour away. we've been together for a little over a month now. we have a good thing together so far, we're doing everything right. i could see myself being with him for awhile the question i'm asking is: should i tell him that i've been married before? or should i just let it go like i said i was going to do 7 years ago and not say anything? i wasn't going to worry about it with casual dating, but with my bf this has become much more than that. what should i do??
Moose Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 If you don't have any permanent ties with your ex, then I don't think you need to say anything. If you are harboring any thoughts, or resentment, you might go ahead and let him know so he can be your helpmate through it.
norajane Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 I don't think you need to bring it up now after only a month of dating. However, if you become serious in the future, maybe heading toward marriage, then you need to let him know about it. Certainly if you're planning to marry, he needs to know about your previous marriage and about the abuse as well.
Art_Critic Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 I think it depends on whether or not the impression you have given him is accurate.. If you met him online and had that you had never been married on your profile then you need to tell him. But if you just met him and he has never asked then you don't need to tell him until things progress to the point that you feel you need to.. sooner or later it will come up and you just need to tell the truth.. don't be ashamed of the truth.. I can't believe anybody would hold a 2 month marriage against you..
climbergirl Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 I can understand not spewing your life story on casual dates, but if you're serious about this guy, my opinion would be to start this relationship on the right foot and be honest.
socialight Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 if not questioned directly in the first month, no, but after that, you need to get it out there whether asked or not. A great relationship is going to require trust and understanding and think of how this person will feel if they somehow found out another way w/o you having been the one to tell. Just get it out there.
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 If the two of you have never had the conversation about both your pasts before, it would be a good way to break into it. Ask him if he's ever been in a committed situation such as being engaged, living with someone or being married before. After he's finished telling his stories, he will either ask you about yours or you can insert your story into the conversation. It's always better to be honest upfront. If he has an issue with it, it might also give you a better understanding about his character. The first few months are when people tend to be on their best behaviour in a relationship.
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