greyskies Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 I am a 43 year old woman. I basically raised myself and as far as self esteem and will power I have none. I am not the prettiest thing to walk this earth, but I am concidered HOT. Per friends, partners etc. As far as looks go Im cool with my looks. But what I have a problem with is self worth. I just can't seem to love myself enough to get my rear end out of this life long stupper. I am seeing a man whom is a total jerk to me. Basically we get a room party and have sex all night long sometime for days at a time. We have never done anything but that. He works and so do I and he usually comes over after work. I have caught him three times with this ex of his at the same motels we have stayed at. He is 45 btw. Very very HOT and the best lover ever. Although I enjoy the time we spend together. And its very cool because we talk alot and explore one another and laugh and stuff. I am hoping for more but I doubt Im going to get it. The last time I caught him with her I was very hurt because he told me about their past and how ugly it was and how she had him jumped and arrested and stuff. He said he just cant stop himself from seeing her. She cons him into it every time. He has even had me call her and tell her to stop calling him. The other night she called him while I was with him and he answered and told her he didnt want to see her anymore that he was sorry and that it was really hard for him to do this. For the next 35 hours he was a totally different person. I kept telling him he loves her and he should be with her not me and he said no he wanted to be with me. Well needless to say he was with her again last night and Im so freaking mad. Why is he doing this to me. I have tried to be understanding, I know sometimes its hard to break it off. But its killing my heart. And I want to tell him to F.... Off. But I cant and I hate myself for not doing so. Someone please help me I feel like im going crazy.
PandorasBox Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Have you tried counseling for your self esteem issues? I can tell you all day long and so can your friends/family and even a cousnelor but until YOU truly beleive you are worthy, then it matters not what others say. I can tell you, that you need to dump this fella and get yourself some kind of help for yourself before persuing any kind of relationship.
Pyro Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 I am a 43 year old woman. I basically raised myself and as far as self esteem and will power I have none. I am not the prettiest thing to walk this earth, but I am concidered HOT. Per friends, partners etc. As far as looks go Im cool with my looks. But what I have a problem with is self worth. I just can't seem to love myself enough to get my rear end out of this life long stupper. I am seeing a man whom is a total jerk to me. Basically we get a room party and have sex all night long sometime for days at a time. We have never done anything but that. He works and so do I and he usually comes over after work. I have caught him three times with this ex of his at the same motels we have stayed at. He is 45 btw. Very very HOT and the best lover ever. Although I enjoy the time we spend together. And its very cool because we talk alot and explore one another and laugh and stuff. I am hoping for more but I doubt Im going to get it. The last time I caught him with her I was very hurt because he told me about their past and how ugly it was and how she had him jumped and arrested and stuff. He said he just cant stop himself from seeing her. She cons him into it every time. He has even had me call her and tell her to stop calling him. The other night she called him while I was with him and he answered and told her he didnt want to see her anymore that he was sorry and that it was really hard for him to do this. For the next 35 hours he was a totally different person. I kept telling him he loves her and he should be with her not me and he said no he wanted to be with me. Well needless to say he was with her again last night and Im so freaking mad. Why is he doing this to me. I have tried to be understanding, I know sometimes its hard to break it off. But its killing my heart. And I want to tell him to F.... Off. But I cant and I hate myself for not doing so. Someone please help me I feel like im going crazy. You are letting this guy have his cake and eat it too. He is only telling you that he wants to be with you so he can get some lovin from the both of you. You need to realize that you are a human being and that you deserve better than this. NO ONE deserves to go through what you are going through. I can guarantee you that you will gain some of your self worth if you ditch the jerk.
Spinderella Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 People will generally treat you as you will let them. He has gotten away with this, and all he has to do is tell you a few nice words to do so. You are allowing this, by the action of being with him and sleeping with him again. NC him. In the meantime (during the NC), either get some good counselling, or explore some (good) self help in the form of reading, alternative therapy etc. Probably what will happen, is that you will feel so much stronger, that when he inevitably tries to come back to you, you will no longer be interested. Whatever happens, it has to beat knowing you are being lied to and allowing it to happen.
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