Melissa310 Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Hello all, Stumbled upon this site by accident and decided to ask everyone for some advise. I've decided to move out of an apartment that I've shared with my gay male best friend from high school after 7 years. For the last 3 years, his BF has lived with us. Everything has been fine up until my friends BF decided it would be a good idea for all of us to move into his mother house (as a rental deal). This was brought up about a year ago. I made my sentiments on the arrangement very clear. I don't think it's very wise. Neither myself or my best friend will really ever feel like we have any say in what happens there. At least, I don't think so. Not to mention, it's never a good idea to do business with family members or close friends. It's almost always ends bad. Anyways, my friend's BF pretty much made it clear that he was moving there regardless of whether or not we wanted to. Well, in turn, my best friend will follow his BF. Therefore, I don't have very many options. Either I move into this house, or I move out. The problem is that I don't want to move away from best friend. I could, in theory, live with him FOREVER. He's my soulmate, my best pal. It hurts so much. The thought of not living together. We have 2 cats that will get separated. This whole situation saddens me. <His BF, on the other hand, I could live without. > Furthermore, I haven't told either one of them that I've decided to move back home (to get my life in order before getting my own place). I think it's best to talk to my best friend of 10 years before bringing in his BF. Is this a good idea? How should I tell him that we'll bPe separating? How do I keep this amicable with very little resentment, because my not moving with them will undoubtely cause financial turmoil? Any help will be greatly appreciated. Melissa
norajane Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I'm sure your friend is prepared to hear that you are moving out - by agreeing to go with his BF, he knew that you were left with two choices and one of them would be to go your own way. It will be a difficult conversation, but it sounds like it's time for him to live his life with his BF and for you to develop a new life of your own. I'm sure you'll still hang out and see each other.
che_jesse Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Really it sounds like a good idea for you to move out. 1) Let him live with his bf without other people around in there lives all the time 2) A gay best friend is not your "soul mate" its almost unhealthy for you to call him that, leave your friend to his private life and go out and find your real soul mate, one that does not already have a boyfriend Leaving close friends is hard but your just moving to the other side of town, your both grown ups now, not kids straight out of high school.
CardPlay3r Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Well Melissa...just make it clear to him it won't change how you feel about him and you don't want anything to change in your relationship, perhaps hang out with him as much as you can, if distance permits it.
adnCat Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 Melissa- I also think that moving out would be a wise idea. If you've been friends for so long, surely he will understand the fact that you've got your own life to straighten out, and moving back home will help with that. Tell him that you understand that he has a committment to his BF of 3 years, and you don't want to interfere with that, but you also don't want it to change the wonderful relationship you've had with him since high school. Make plans to see him on a regular basis, maybe sans boyfriend. Plus, a transaction like rental arrangements could get sticky if the friend's BF has ultimate rule over the situation. Seeing as how it is his mother's property, clearly he will have the most pull should issues arise. 2) A gay best friend is not your "soul mate" its almost unhealthy for you to call him that, leave your friend to his private life and go out and find your real soul mate, one that does not already have a boyfriend I do want to counter Jesse's statement that calling him your "soulmate" is unhealthy. I disagree with Jesse and think it is fine to think that your best friend is your soulmate. I don't think the term "soulmate" constitutes a decidely romantic relationship. I think a soulmate is someone with whom you share a deep connection, be it a best friend, boyfriend, or even a parent or child. Let's turn to tv/pop culture for an example. I would say Will & Grace (from the sitcom) are soulmates. Clearly, they have different romantic partners, but it doesn't change the fact that the characters share a deep bond and connection. Edit- to address the financial situation. Maybe you can help them find a third roommate, or maybe they can each pay a little extra and the BFs mom can meet them at some midpoint. Rent has got be negotiable; it's him mom, after all! Explain to them that you know it sucks that they will either have to pony up the additional funds, but also point out that it will be nice for them to have some privacy, and a place that is theirs exclusively. Good luck with everything, Melissa!
anna13 Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 definitly talk to your friend without his boyfriend around. Just tell himt he truth , tell him you dont want to move into that house , and you will not do it , but you will miss him and the cat too. tell him that you will visit or he can visit you if he wants to . and tell him that you will go home till you can regroup yourself and then get your own place. that's all ... i mean if he is really your friend there should not be a problem , why would there be? friends want the best for each other . Furthermore, I haven't told either one of them that I've decided to move back home (to get my life in order before getting my own place). I think it's best to talk to my best friend of 10 years before bringing in his BF. Is this a good idea? How should I tell him that we'll bPe separating? How do I keep this amicable with very little resentment, because my not moving with them will undoubtely cause financial turmoil? well they didnt care if this move that they were planning was going to cause you emotional turmoil , and they know that you didnt want to move over there. so if they still want to move they are causing financial issues for themselves. you are not causing this . they made that decision. and if you have lived with your friend for that long I think it is time that you got out there on your own . it is better for you. just because you dont live together doesnt mean you aren't still close friends. also , if this financial thing is going to cause such an upheaval in how your friend feels for you then is that all you are to them ? just a financial help? anyway , you have every right to do what you want to do . they made their choice and you are making yours , i mean if it doesnt go well ,then that's life, that is why people grow apart and life takes different directions. I hope that your friend is a friend and understands your point of view best of wishes
Trialbyfire Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 If I were to hazard a guess, I would guess that the BF was well aware that you might leave. Perhaps he felt threatened by your closeness. Either way, do break it gently to your friend and let him know you'de still like to hang out with him as often as you both are able to. A real friend is always worth hanging on to.
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