London Girl Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 If an ex keeps contacting you (say, perhaps once every month-2 months) even though after a heart to heart, they tell you that they just don't feel strong enough for you any more and the feeling has gone, my question is if that's how they feel, why do they still contact you? My ex initiated contact again about a month ago, we spent the w/end together, even to the extent of him inviting me to a family gathering and we had a great time. And yes we slept together. But he has not been in touch for about 2 weeks now - I'm just confused. Do you think it is a matter of they are just confused and need time to figure out what it is they actually want or am I being naive? Or is it that they think that you are okay with just being friends. I know my ex was hurt by women in the past, and his ex wife left him soon after they got married. Any insight appreciated. Thanks.
Gala Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 This sounds to me like someone who wants to know you're still an option. There may be those who think it just sounds like a roll in the hay, but I think there's more to it. Regardless, the inconsistency can't feel good. I'd give this guy a wide berth.
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 I agree with Gala. Steer clear for your own peace of mind.
mental_traveller Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 They keep in touch because there are some aspects of you that they like. If they can get the good sides without having to put up with the bad, then they can get something out of still meeting you & keeping contact. In this case, he had a laugh and got laid, but afterwards he doesn't have any of the hassles of a relationship - sounds like he got just what he wanted. The real question is why are you still sleeping with your ex, when clearly you are not happy with such a casual state of affairs? Either stop all contact, or try everything you can to get back with him. Don't be there as an easy lay.
Art_Critic Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Any time I have gotten in contact with an ex it was to try and get a second chance... Sometimes after doing some introspection I learned what and where I made mistakes that were detrimental to the relationship and after realizing that I was still in love with the person I contacted to see if they would hear me out and give me/us another chance... My last attempt from a couple of years ago failed absolutely miserably and she was such a mean spirited person that she made a fool out of me and my good intentions... One thing is for sure though.. I would never had contacted an ex unless I was willing to do what it took... I was always a mature adult about it...
jerbear Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Short list: some keep in contact to maintain friendships. some keep in contact to get control. some keep in contact to answer their booty call. some keep in contact to because they want a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, .... chance. some keep in contact because it is good to know there are backups.
Author London Girl Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 that's what I thought ArtCritic about my ex when he initiates contact again that perhaps he wanted another 3, 4th chance but then he hardly made any effort since we last met up and on my birthday yesterday so I guess as jerbear puts it, he's probably only in touch as a backup. I can't be his friend and doing this FWB anymore, I find it so difficult as every time we meet, he treats me like we are still together, being affectionate in public etc. but as Mental Traveller puts it, I need to stop all contact, I've already tried doing everything I can to get him back. All this mixed signals from him is not helping me heal and move on. I think I've got to the stage, where I've accepted that we are not going to get back together again.
MiCorozonPerdidoEnTi Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Short list: some keep in contact to maintain friendships. some keep in contact to get control. some keep in contact to answer their booty call. some keep in contact to because they want a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, .... chance. some keep in contact because it is good to know there are backups. Some additional explinations are: Difficulties letting go Cannot stand being dumped Refuses to accept reality Overly jealous / possessive Needy and controlling Twisted sense of humor They enjoy twisting the knife in your side Get their kicks from it Maybe if I annoy the hell out of you, you'll take me back There's all sorts of loose screws out there. It's hard to tell which ones are sane and which aren't. My simple rule for avoiding this entire mess is, "When we're finished, we're FINISHED!" From someone who's gone through the whole stalking thing, please take some free advice... Just be careful. Okay? Cheers! Jim
Eric102 Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 i have a question my ex calls me like 20 times or more every month? is this normal for a ex? She asked the other day how the girls were in my town
magichands Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 She asked the other day how the girls were in my town Just tell her that you have some preliminary data, but that there is a lot of work left to be done.
Eric102 Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 she kept asking if i was single or seeing someone and i kept avoiding that question?
magichands Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 she kept asking if i was single or seeing someone and i kept avoiding that question? Are you interested in a "second" chance? It does seem as if she is testing the waters.
MiCorozonPerdidoEnTi Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I have 24 missed calls from mine. And that's just from last night! Can you say obsessed? Cheers! Jim
magichands Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I have 24 missed calls from mine. And that's just from last night! That really meant something before the invention of the redial function.
Eric102 Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 yes i am interested in a second chance so would it be wise to call her up or not?
MiCorozonPerdidoEnTi Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 yes i am interested in a second chance so would it be wise to call her up or not? That's your call to make. Just remember why you broke up in the first place. Can you ever honestly and completely get past that point? Be careful Eric102. Cheers! Jim
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