lsmith76 Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Well...I posted a long story and it didnt post I guess, so here I go again. How can you keep from going back to an ex??? I am so so so so so so so stupid!!!!! I can't even begin to tell you how many times this man has hurt me in the 8 years we were together. Well, I did tell you in the last post, and I dont feel like retyping it all. However,You know, not the little things, but the BIG things that people do to give you every reason in the wold why you should walk away and never look back? EX: Going to a strip club on Valentines day, or getting a cell phone and not telling you about it, or the one that caused my breakup a week ago today where he took my car and went to the bar ON MY BIRTHDAY and didnt call me and came home drunk, knowing that all I wanted was to get out of this house because I never get the chance to. Well, he has managed to average one of those BIG things about twice a year within the 8 years we have been together. On top of all that....I am a single mom with 3 kids and a fixed income. None of my kids are his and their REAL dad don't help so I am kind of on my own and he has lived here for 8 years and doesn't help out at all. I get fed up and kick him out and he will wait until I desperately need help financially. Then he will call me and tell me how much he loves me and misses me (usually about a week or so later) and he will promise to change and pay bills. I let him back everytime and he will be ok for about a month or so then it goes right back to him neglecting and disrespecting me and not helping me out. WHY WHY WHY WHY would anyone in their right mind choose to relive this over and over and over again? You would think that by now I would know that he is never going to change, so why can't I go more than 2 days of ignoring his calls before I can't take it anymore and answer the phone? Why do I believe him when he says he loves me? If someone I knew was going through this situation, I wouldnt have a doubt in my mind that they need to move on. Why can't I? Why am I so f'ing stupid????? Why can't I move on? Why do I let him make me feel like I just want to jump off a bridge? I dont even want to date because I don't trust men anymore! I don't even know HOW to date! I never really just dated. I was with my kids father from age 15-21, then with this guy from age 21-just last week. I am scared to death of what the future holds for me. I try to ignore his calls, I try to avoid him. I try to keep myself busy, and hang out with friends to keep it off my mind, but at night when all is quiet, the kids are asleep, and I am alone....I feel sooooo upset. I mean the "I can't breath" upset. How can someone who has done me so dirty over the years have me so in love that even though I know in my heart he is not going to change, I STILL let him come back? I tell myself I am for real this time, but I never really am for real. My friends don't even wanna hear it anymore!!!! Please someone give me some advice on how I can walk away and not look back this time! It has been a week and already he has popped up over here and the kids let him in, which made me hurt all over again, then he tried to spend the night, I said no. Today I avoided his calls. However, I am eventually going to cave and I know it. How can I avoid entering this viscous circle again?????? HELP!
Recommended Posts