crack_jack Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 My girlfriend is 5 years older than me . She is a very decent girl, she has even been a virgin till we met (2 years ago). Thing is she told me recently that she hasnt always been like this, that in her younger age (19-25) she was going out a lot, partying, drinking , dating different guys, some of which really broke her heart-she said she even had suicidal attempts. Although she says God helped her get thru all of this and become what she is now. She doesnt want to talk about certain things about her past relationships, saying she feels guilty for what she was doing at the time; but i cant understand what things could trouble her so much(she WAS a virgin when i met her). So it's hard for me b-coz I would like her to just tell me and get this over with because not knowing is what gets me frustrated. Do U think i'm being unfair or is it my right to know things in her past? I wish i could let go of this and carry on with our lives, but it's really frustrating for me coz i feel somewhat betrayed. What can I do about this ?
IpAncA Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 I don't know what she did but it may not involve sexual things. It could be a number of things. There are things that I 've done in my past that I'm not proud of but learned from them and moved on. Does her past really matter to you? It's the past. If she wants to tell you the she will. Would knowing what she did change anything? It shouldn't. O and yes a future can be built not on ignoring it but learning from it, not dwelling on it and moving on. There's stuff about my past that my H doesn't know about. He doesn't need to know about it because it would have no effect on us. I let the past go and she should too (hopefully will) and so should you.
whichwayisup Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 If what has happened to her in the past affects her now, then yes, you may need to know - But if it's done and over with, then life should go on as it is now and let it be. Remember, her past is hers! Just like you have your past. Some people aren't comfy sharing stuff like that, either because it's not too important, or they've forgotten, or it's just too painful or maybe even embarressing...Could be painful for her too. who knows. I say let it go and be happy you have someone special in your life that you love.
Green Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 I try to forget my past everday, and the day I can will be the happiest day of my life. Maybe your gf was a technical virgin and gave a bunch of guys bj's and hand jobs or even took it in the butt in her past. Maybe she did all sorts of drugs in the past with her X bfs and thinks she may have had sex with them and doesnt remember it. who can say, if I were you I would just focus on the future and shut your gf up when she starts talking about her troubled past if shes just going to be cryptic about it
Anka Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 It shouldnt matter, you love who she is now right? The past is the past. Dont badger her about it, she will tell you when she is ready, and if she doesnt, it shouldnt matter.
Art_Critic Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 The past is the past... Focus on the fact that you both will create your own future/past together Providing there is nothing in the present that is happening that might have a connection to her past then leave the past where it belongs.. in the past...
jerbear Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 The past is the past, those who ignore the past will be doomed to repeat it. A future is built on the present, she learned by doing it her way and now she is back. She learned from past experiences. You're lucky to get to know a woman's past and get a glimpse of what is in her heart. In my opinion, build a future and see where it goes from today. Just make sure you don't repeat the past.
Curmudgeon Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 The past is what makes us who we are and brings us to the present from which we can plan our future. Not everything has to be revealed, nor should it be in most cases. Of course, if she's a fugitive from justice it would be good to know that. That could have an effect on a relationship.
norajane Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 crack_jack, this is the fourth thread you've posted on the same subject in the last two weeks. In your last thread, you pretended you were the girl - presumably because you wanted opinions that were different from what you were getting. I've posted that thread below: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=992054#post992054 Hi. I'm a girl in my late 20's , I met my bf about 2 yrs ago and everything seems to head in the right direction. He is 5 younger than me, but I've been ok with that from the start. My problem is the fact that I cannot help but feel guilty towards him about my past. He's a very decent guy (I was his first), and to be honest, in the beginning I didnt tell him much about my past, but when I recently did tell him some things it seems to bother him a bit. I changed a lot since my old days and I wouldn't go cheating on him. Do you think he'll ever get around this(my past)? It's hard for me to tell him things (and he asks me a lot) , because I'm afraid once I tell him how I used to be, I might scare him off. I wish I could turn back time and delete everything but I guess I can't . Sometimes I feel he deserves more than me, because he really waited for "the right one", while all I did in my young days was to play around with guys a lot. What can I do to make it happen between us ? I really love him, but I also want him to be happy; can he be happy with me ?:(:(:(:(:(:(:( I guess you want validation that you are "right" and that she should tell you everything so you're no longer "frustrated" because you don't know what she's done and you can't figure out what could be so bad since she was a virgin. As I said in my reply to your first thread: Second, a "virgin" may mean she never had penetrative sex (penis in vagina), but could mean anything else was allowed - oral sex for him, oral sex for her, mutual masturbation, anal sex, etc. That's what is often known as a "technical virgin" or she's done "everything but". Thing is - what she did in the past is NOT ABOUT YOU, so you have no reason to feel betrayed. She does not owe you anything. If you can't get past this, then break up with her!!!
Walk Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I'm seconding Norajane's post. "Wisdom is the daughter of experience".
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