noforgiveness Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 My exbf and husbands EA OW's dad died. We read it in the obits. He asked if he could text her that he's sorry for the loss of her dad. I said no she is not our friend any more. He said ok he wouldn't. She was both of our friend for years am i being selfish by not allowing this?
Pyro Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 My exbf and husbands EA OW's dad died. We read it in the obits. He asked if he could text her that he's sorry for the loss of her dad. I said no she is not our friend any more. He said ok he wouldn't. She was both of our friend for years am i being selfish by not allowing this? I don't think thats selfish at all. She is a part of the past now and it should be left at that.
whichwayisup Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Don't. I know it's sad that her mom died, but sending her a message is the wrong thing to do, could give her the wrong impression. She may call to talk, needing support. And that's not good!
Adunaphel Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 My exbf and husbands EA OW's dad died. We read it in the obits. He asked if he could text her that he's sorry for the loss of her dad. I said no she is not our friend any more. He said ok he wouldn't. She was both of our friend for years am i being selfish by not allowing this? Not at all selfish. Texting her would actually be stupid. Remind your H that exting her would probably make *him* feel better, but will almost certainly make her feel worse. So not texting her not only something he owes to you, but the best thing for the three of you.
Pyro Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Not at all selfish. Texting her would actually be stupid. Remind your H that exting her would probably make *him* feel better, but will almost certainly make her feel worse. So not texting her not only something he owes to you, but the best thing for the three of you. I'm loving the avatar. OK, back on topic.
Ladyjane14 Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Don't. I know it's sad that her mom died, but sending her a message is the wrong thing to do, could give her the wrong impression. She may call to talk, needing support. And that's not good! True enough. Last time she needed "support"... she was text-messaging your husband 100 times a day. :eek: It was bound to happen that circumstances would change for her, either for better or for worse. Life keeps happening. Part of eliminating a toxic person from your life is that you know in your heart that you're giving up on them. They've got to sink or swim for themselves. It's bound to make you sad from time to time to know it. BUT... there's still the fact that this person is TOXIC to you and your family. That reason will continue to exist for as long as she is egocentric enough to disrespect boundaries. Unfortunately, you're unlikely to ever have a method by which you can really TRUST that she has overcome that fatal flaw.
whichwayisup Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 The thing I just thought about too, she didn't call or text message the two of you to let you know about her mom either, so another reason not to contact her.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I agree with everyone. Not at all selfish. I'm glad your H asked first. Maybe now she'll find a new support system.
Author noforgiveness Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 Thanks. I thought so but just needed to check I wasn't being to hard on this issue.
whichwayisup Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Can I ask? Did your husband feel that you were being hard about this? I just hope he does NOT email her, even if he feels bad for her. Losing a parent is rough, but he really shouldn't be too emotionally worried for her seeing as what recently happened...
Author noforgiveness Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 Can I ask? Did your husband feel that you were being hard about this? I just hope he does NOT email her, even if he feels bad for her. Losing a parent is rough, but he really shouldn't be too emotionally worried for her seeing as what recently happened... no he didn't seem to. He asked i said no and that she is not a friend anymore. I just started thinking after the fact...
Djaba Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 I'm new to this forum and don't know the background so please forgive me if this is out of order, but another option would be for *you* to text her on behalf of both of you. To me one of the most tragic things about infidelity is that people just don't think about the fact that it all ends in funerals.
whichwayisup Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 but another option would be for *you* to text her on behalf of both of you. If she did that, it would open the door a crack and her ex-bestfriend (who had an affair with her husband) would come back, thinking that the 'friendship' could exist. That isn't good for NF's marriage. To me one of the most tragic things about infidelity is that people just don't think about the fact that it all ends in funerals. Maybe it's just me, and I'm not fully awake yet, but your statement doesn't make sense. How does it end in funerals?
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