How many of you on here show yourself affection?

[Zippy]

I've heard that most people do this. I've never done this in my life and never even knew it was something that most other people do.

[IpAncA]

I don't know what you mean? Like hug ourselves or something?

 

Well I don't I think. I perfer to show affection to others then myself.

[melodymatters]

LOL, is that an obscure rerefence to masturbation ?

[IpAncA]

LOL, is that an obscure rerefence to masturbation ?

LOL!! I was wonder the same thing.

[melodymatters]

well, I'm going to try hugging myself anyway and see how it feels !! LOL

[Zippy]

As far as I knew sex and affection are two seperate things.

[melodymatters]

Ok, please zippy, I need to know what you are talking about ????? How do we " people" show ourselves affection in some way that you do not ? I am not being sarcastic, I am truly curious !!!

[pricillia]

As far as I knew sex and affection are two seperate things.

 

can you clarify then... are you talking about self love?

[Zippy]

I really don't know, it was what me and my psychologist was talking about. And she thinks that I'm being hard on myself, like critisizing myself when I feel like a loser, instead of being more affectionate towards myself.

 

She says that I may not be like the latter because of how my mum has always treated me, which was never with affection, always critisizim.

[Pyro]

I really don't know, it was what me and my psychologist was talking about. And she thinks that I'm being hard on myself, like critisizing myself when I feel like a loser, instead of being more affectionate towards myself.

 

She says that I may not be like the latter because of how my mum has always treated me, which was never with affection, always critisizim.

 

I think that your psychologist is referring to liking yourself more and having more confidence in who you are.

[Trialbyfire]

I kiss my hand sometimes and wink at myself in the mirror once in awhile 'cause I'm too cute. (I'm kidding.)

 

Please clarify, although if you're talking about masturbation, you could call it self-gratification through physical means, if you're uncomfortable with the word.

[pricillia]

I really don't know, it was what me and my psychologist was talking about. And she thinks that I'm being hard on myself, like critisizing myself when I feel like a loser, instead of being more affectionate towards myself.

 

She says that I may not be like the latter because of how my mum has always treated me, which was never with affection, always critisizim.

 

 

oh ok she is telling you to nurture yourself.

[IpAncA]

I really don't know, it was what me and my psychologist was talking about. And she thinks that I'm being hard on myself, like critisizing myself when I feel like a loser, instead of being more affectionate towards myself.

 

She says that I may not be like the latter because of how my mum has always treated me, which was never with affection, always critisizim.

O ok now I see what your saying. The affection part thru me off.

 

Well then I have to change my answer and say yes I do to an extent. I used to be hard on myself but I got over it. Now I try to tell myself positive things and I don't try and tell myself I'm stupid or worthless because I'm not.

 

I think when you hear something harsh and when people say negative things about someone that isn't true, eventually people will believe what they are told and start thinking that about themselves.

[pricillia]

O ok now I see what your saying. The affection part thru me off.

 

Well then I have to change my answer and say yes I do to an extent. I used to be hard on myself but I got over it. Now I try to tell myself positive things and I don't try and tell myself I'm stupid or worthless because I'm not.

 

I think when you hear something harsh and when people say negative things about someone that isn't true, eventually people will believe what they are told and start thinking that about themselves.

 

 

this is so true...find the best about yourself and work with that.

 

make a list if it helps...

[Zippy]

What is nurturing yourself? Is it seeing yourself in a loving way?

[IpAncA]

this is so true...find the best about yourself and work with that.

 

make a list if it helps...

Yeah making a list does help. The hard part is accepting the list as truth.

[pricillia]

What is nurturing yourself? Is it seeing yourself in a loving way?

 

 

Try to take pleasure in the simple things in life, try not to get so wrapped up in the negitive that you loose some of the positive things.

[melodymatters]

I agree with what ipanca said about not saynig negative things to yourself. I used to catch myself saying things like "loser" or " you're an idiot" etc, and then I realized ; I would NEVER talk to ANYONE in my life that way, so why was I treating MYSELF thjat way ???

 

It was a simple step to stopping myself everytime I sent myself a negative message, and now I would say I treat myself very nicely

[Trialbyfire]

Oops, in reference to my last post. I didn't notice your clarification.

 

Every one of us is our own worst critic. When we criticize ourselves, we tend to beat ourselves up over it. Neither healthy, nor constructive.

 

Try to notice when you do things well or at least give yourself some credit when you've tried, to the best of your ability, but it didn't always work the way you had intended. In not beating yourself up, you might also find that this transposes to your interaction with others.

[dgiirl]

What is nurturing yourself? Is it seeing yourself in a loving way?

 

Ah, your therapist is talking about your internal dialog. A lot of people with low self esteem say some awfully cruel things when they speak/think to themselves. You need to change your internal dialog from negative abuse (i'm stupid, i'm ugly, noone loves me) to positive truths (i'm smart, i'm pretty, people like me, they really truely do ). But seriously, when you constantly think negatively, your mood will become negative. When you constantly think postively, your mood will become positive. No matter what situation you are faced with, you have a choice to think about it negatively or positively. When you think positively, more positive things will happen to you.

 

Pay attention to what you tell yourself.

[dgiirl]

I agree with what ipanca said about not saynig negative things to yourself. I used to catch myself saying things like "loser" or " you're an idiot" etc, and then I realized ; I would NEVER talk to ANYONE in my life that way, so why was I treating MYSELF thjat way ???

 

So true! I use to say things to myself that I'd never say to my worst enemy! Once I noticed that, I started to change those thoughts into positives. It really does help with depression and anxiety.

[Zippy]

I think it's more about how I feel about myself than what I say, when I get treated badly by others.

 

I'll elaborate some more on this when I have the time.

[IpAncA]

I think it's more about how I feel about myself than what I say, when I get treated badly by others.

 

I'll elaborate some more on this when I have the time.

What you say about yourself does reflect on how you feel. If you say your stupid then you feel that you are and thats a negative thought that you don't need.

[Zippy]

Well, I don't really say things like I'm stupid or anything, it's just that if I get treated badly by people, it feels like I'm being treated as though I'm a loser, as though I come across like one, and so this obviously makes me feel like one and is very emotionally painful for me.

[Guest]

Well, I don't really say things like I'm stupid or anything, it's just that if I get treated badly by people, it feels like I'm being treated as though I'm a loser, as though I come across like one, and so this obviously makes me feel like one and is very emotionally painful for me.

 

I wish I understood what you meant by being 'treated badly by people'. Could you elaborate on that? What are your expectations of being treated well?

 

People often don't react to me the way I wish they would. I use to internalize this as some form of rejection. I now try to understand what it is that is making them react the way they do. I've come to realize that often, their reactions have nothing to do with me. Sometimes they're stressed at work, or they're preoccupied with their own personal issues.

 

To link it to the nurturing: if your inner voice was kinder, you would probably feel more secure and other people's reaction to you wouldn't make you feel so vulnerable.

 

One thing my therapist recommended was to stop using words like stupid, loser etc when I was thinking about myself and also when I was thinking about others. Don't think along those lines anymore. I remember it took me awhile, but it was very liberating.