Cossette4 Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I've been trying to just take care of myself and not think about him or all of the horrible things he put me through during our breakup. I don't call him, I don't stalk him, nor do I stalk the girl he moved in with 2 weeks after breaking up with me. I've stopped making him the focus of all of my discussions with friends, I've read self-help books, I've stayed fairly busy with work, and I've tried to retain a social life (although 99% of the time, it was always just the two of us). So why, after four and a half months, do I not feel better? My theory is just because the break-up itself was so riddled with "wrong." We had been dating for 5 years, during which time he acted like I was his entire world. I always tried to help him through his bad times and get him on the right track in life (even though this usually led to our biggest fights). He told me he wanted to marry me virtually once a week, and just two weeks before breaking up with me, he bought me this expensive vase filled with roses for absolutely no reason other than because he "loved" me. (This was the norm.) Then literally out of the blue, he calls me on the phone and breaks up with me (over the PHONE!!! aaaahh...still upsets me). Then I start finding out that he's with a girl from his work, like a week later. Two weeks later--moved in with her. (are you kidding me?!?!) Then I find out WHO the girl is and it makes me ILL because she's like the nastiest, sexually vulgar, trailer trash person you could possibly imagine (note: this is not just my "perception" as a jealous ex girlfriend. None of our friends can believe he even wants to get within ten feet of her.) This makes no sense to me. I know everyone will say, "Oh, breakups make no sense" but c'mon--this REALLY makes no sense! I feel like this person got hit with a large object and his brain chemistry was drastically altered. Why else would he treat me totally different, ignore the advice of all of his friends, and be attracted to a girl NO ONE with a value system and decent vision should be attracted to? Basically, everyday, I just pray for SOMETHING to happen that will shed light on such an unbelievable situation. It just seems SO WRONG, SO OUT OF THIS WORLD, SO DRASTIC, that SOMETHING is bound to happen, you know what I mean??? Sometimes I feel it's the only way I'll really feel better.
cutesypie73 Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 well i guess he hasn't been thinking with the brain in his head!! I have been cheated on in the past and I find the direction of the bloodflow AND common sense tends to move from the head down to the groin area in men! Have you tried confronting him about his reasons??
daphne Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Cossette, Something did happen. The fantasy you had of him is broken. The guy isn't prince charming. But he played one for a while. You're doing everything right, you should be proud. Many of us have made mistakes that compromised our dignity and you haven't. Later on that'll mean more to you than anything else did during the breakup. Even more important than the breakup itself. It may take a while to heal from this, especially since your ex downgraded. It's a hit to the ego. But you will, I promise you. And by the end of all of this you probably won't think much of your ex. One thing I've noticed on these boards is that the guys and girls that were over the top with professing their love and being super romantic were the first ones to dump their significant other and run off with teh first available. If it was real, would they do that kind of thing? It may have been real in the moment but it wasn't real deep or consistent. I would be leery of that type of behavior in the future. In my experience it doesn't last with that type of person.
melodymatters Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I'm very sorry for your situation. I agree with the other poster that there is likely a large sexual chemistry aspect to the other woman. And we all know, you just can't predict when and with whom that will happen. i understand that it makes it that much harder that it was so sudden and innapropriate. All you can do is take care of yourself and try and move on. my guess is once th sexual thing fades, he will be back at your door. Unforunatley, ( or fortunatley) you probably will not want him anymore. good luck
jon55 Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 It will get better. I've been going through a similar kind of "purgatory" that you're experiencing now. When my ex-g/f and I broke up, I did the no contact/keep myself busy/work/school/etc. thing but I still found myself thinking about her. 3 years later, It's finally starting to make sense and hopefully I've figured out/fixed most of my relationship issues (or at least ironed them out somewhat) and have gotten my self esteem back and feel more motivated than ever to do great things. Im not saying it's going to take you this long, but Im just telling you it will get better. Keep up with the self-help books. Eventually you'll either figure it out, or get so frustrated and reach a thresh hold that will make you want to get things moving again. Good luck!
Author Cossette4 Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 Thanks to all who replied.... Do you think he cheated on me then?? I know someone mentioned that in their reply. I really never thought that b/c I was with him virtually every minute he wasn't at work, and his best friends confirmed to me that he was always with them when I was out of town and that he never mentioned this new girl until after the breakup, commenting, "Yeah there's a girl at work but I dunno what's gunna happen with that." And then boom--a week later--TOGETHER. Because of her <ahem> "interesting" character, I always assumed she was a rebound. I did some research and found people who rebound will choose someone the total opposite and they are blind to logic and will find attraction in someone they wouldn't otherwise be attracted to. (She definitely fits the bill.) The articles also said that moving in with someone could occur within days/weeks, and creepily enough, that's exactly what happened! But when it comes down to it, only he (and I guess her) will ever know if he cheated. But I still hold out for the rebound theory b/c of the evidence I have. And maybe that's part of the problem--If I KNEW 100% he cheated, I think I would be soooo furious that I would just never even feel he was worth my sadness. But I'm so confused about his new relationship, I almost feel sorry for him, wondering if he's just trying to fill the void after our break-up. (We definitely had some issues going on where he never thought he was "good enough" for me.....and yet HE'S the one to break up!)
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