Angelicis Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months now. He moved back in with his family halfway through (he graduated, I'm still in college). So now he's like a thousand miles away. Lately my boyfriend and I have been fighting more than usual. A lot of it, now that I think about it, is just because of me being insecure. He's only loved one girl in his life, and they went out for a year (they broke up a year ago). I've been with him for 6 months now, but I guess I'm feeling unsure because he hasn't said he loves me. I know that it takes everyone time to really love someone, I just don't know why it makes me so insecure. Also, the other day when we were having sex, he asked me if he was the best I ever had. I said yes...cause even if he wasn't I didn't think I should say that he wasn't while we were in the middle of "doing it". I asked him the same question and he told me it was a tie between me and his ex...and he couldn't choose. He said each of us had our strong points, it was just different with each of us. I guess that kind of surprised me, I wasn't expecting to hear that. I don't know if this should upset me or not...I think it just kind of makes me uncomfortable. Today we got into another fight because we're doing long-distance (I was visiting him for Thanksgiving week) and I was upset about us talking on the phone. I'd like to talk to him at least once a day...more would be nice, but I'm not expecting that because he says he hates talking on the phone. But he doesn't talk to me on AIM or anything else either. I was upset because he didn't talk to me last night (but I didn't make a big deal out of it...I just let it go). He said he would talk to me first thing in the morning, but instead of doing that he ended up going online to play an online video game (which is what he does with ALL his free time). Now he's upset and says that I expect too much from him, I need to stop revolving my life around him, and that I'm too moody. I can see that I could be too insecure and asking for too much...but I didn't think talking once or twice a day (I'm not even asking for hours) was such a big deal. I don't know how to change how I feel either. Any advice would be appreciated.
aeren944 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Hi Angelicis! I'm sorry that you two are fighting about this. I wanted to reply to this because it hits pretty close to home. My GF and I are in a long distance relationship kind of like yours. More on that in a bit. First of all, please do NOT feel like you're being too needy or too insecure. Long distance relationships, in my opinion, need to be dealt with on a different level than most other relationships. Security, openness, and trust need to play even bigger roles than usual. I'm going to comment on what you've written, but please bear in mind that I don't know your BF, and I'm only commenting on what you've written here. I don't blame you for being uncomfortable that he says it's a tie between you and his ex. That would bug me to no end. It seems like its still too fresh of a wound with him... the thing with his ex. He hasn't decided that he's totally independant, or that he's ready to tell you he loves you. Here's the part that hit home for me. Get this... I HATE talking on the phone. I'm telling you, I only talk on the phone if I have something to say, then when I've said it, I hang up. This is just me... EXCEPT with my GF. I stay up late talking to her on the phone... I do chores around the house while talking on the phone... and I even play my on-line video game (which I'm very confident you're BF plays) while talking to her on the phone. I want to hear from her every day. Just like you... I'd like more, but once a day is okay. When I'm at work, and I see her pop on, I IM her. I try and send her messages on myspace. Now think about that... I'm basically just like your BF... I play that online video game, I despise talking on the phone, etc. But I talk to my GF all the time. I LOVE talking on the phone with her. My point is, you're not expecting too much. You don't need to think that AT ALL. If I can do it, he can do it. It seems to me that he's kinda taking you for granted. You're starting to cut into his videogame time or whatever. I almost wanna tell you to let him know what he's taking for granted... but I don't want to advise you to take up mind games. The simple point I was making is that I'm the same way as he is (from what I read), and I treat my GF much better. I don't think you're insecure or needy AT ALL. I think you're being MORE than generous and he should DEFINATELY not take that for granted. I dunno... just my two cents.
Author Angelicis Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Wow, thanks for the insight. I guess the difference between you and him though...is that he still doesn't like talking on the phone with me. In his last relationship, he would stay on the phone for hours and hours, because his girlfriend wanted him to and would get mad at him when he didn't. I don't want to be that kind of girl. I want him to want to talk to me, lol. And the thing with the online video game...the thing is I play with him too, since that's what he loves to do. We started playing this game together with our friends over the summer (DotA) and he just got more hooked on it than I did. But I still try to play with him everyday...just not for the entire day like he does. I just feel like that's all we do...play DotA, and then he likes to talk about DotA on the phone. Then it's like he has nothing left to talk about. I have to admit though, he makes a good point in saying that nothing's going on in his life, there's nothing for him to say. He's living with his parents right now, taking a few classes, and that's it. He doesn't feel like there's anything to talk about I guess.
Guest Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 This may not be entirely appropriate but having seen this with some of my other friends I can tell you that he's probably not that interested honestly. I've had friends who "love" their girlfriends but don't do anything for them and just generally b*tch about their antics. Translation: they're in a rut and they haven't found someone who really stimulates them to do the things they really would if they cared. By the way, this guy sounds like a loser. Besides being a moron for asking a question that would obviously get asked back and botching it, he playes video games all day? Trust me, millions of men out there. I have so many friends who are stuck with losers they aren't compatible with but go with it until something happens. Break up with the guy, he's obviously not on your emotional level. And don't take his lack of interest as being something wrong with you. I don't know what your insecurity stems from, but to me it seems like it's from him being a jack*ss.
Author Angelicis Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 Thanks for the insight everyone. I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do yet, but it helps to have people to talk to about my problems.
shoesies05 Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 i dont want to be too harsh, but it sounds like you are his rebound girl. The girl that will help him to get over the hurt from his past love but will never get his heart. Beyond that he is also being a jerk by not meeting the basic need of communicating with you. Find a guy where you are and be happy with him.
Guest Posted December 19, 2006 Posted December 19, 2006 communication is sooooooooooooooooooo important - especially if u knew someone that loved you melted at the sound of yer voice if i can add anything its this - never stop talking to each other - never it will never help
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