Jessycake Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 First of all, I'll give you all some background concerning my problem. MM and I met first, and then I introduced him to my husband. We have really hit it off quite well, as it turns out MM's wife and children have gotten pretty close to our family as well. I can't remember how it all began, but for the past few months I have found myself really falling hard for this man. I don't think it has been one-sided either. I get some strong signals from him that he is attracted to me. I caught him looking at me in a lustful way, a few weeks ago, though he quickly played it off. There has also been some flirting going on between us. My problem is what can I do to turn off these feelings, they overwhelm me. He is constantly in my thoughts. I get the feeling he is one of these guys who feeds off of the attention he is getting, but not willing to do anything about it, sort of an ego boost, however, if he ever would, I think I would panic! I have never been unfaithful to my husband and it scares me to think I just might give in to temptation. I do not know what is missing in my marriage. I am honestly surprised at my behavior as of lately. I have never looked at any other man other than my husband, and to think I could really mess things up if I were to act on my desire to be with MM. Has anyone ever walked away from a situation like this and truthfully never looked back. I would appreciate some insight.
whichwayisup Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I have never been unfaithful to my husband and it scares me to think I just might give in to temptation. When you start feeling you might give in temptation, remember how much you will lose. Your husband, children, your lifestyle, your combined family, inlaws etc..., Your whole world will turn upside down, never to be the same. Are selfish enough to allow yourself to fall into the arms of another man because he turns you on? Has your attention? Because you're curious and he makes you feel? Is he worth risking all that you love? ALL of that isn't really based on any real love - It's fantasy, all the good feelings, all about ego...Go read some threads in this section by other woman, and see how happy they are now. And then go read some stories in the infidelity section, by betrayed spouses who's lives are completely destroyed by a cheating partner. This is YOUR choice. YOU have control over on whether you will cheat on your husband or not. What you can do is end the friendship, bit by bit. Detach from emotionally, distance yourself from their lives...The less you see him, the less you'll feel. Find out what is missing from your marriage. Would you be willing to tell your husband what you feel for the MM? It could be a way of ending the friendship with the MM and his wife immediately, and end whatever feelings that are developing more and more. Not too sure how far gone you are, or even if you two have kissed, talked, touched...If you haven't done ANY of those things, DON'T ever act upon the urges. Ignore them, and don't let yourself think about him that way. Distract yourself and keep busy.
whichwayisup Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=992672&postcount=7 Click on this link and read InaPanic's post reply to someone tonight. If you want to, click on her username, call up her past posts and read what she's been through, cheating on her husband, then confessing because she couldn't hold it in anymore. After you read, think - And then ask yourself if you want to cheat on your husband.
pureinheart Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Hey Jessycake....I think you are very intelligent to come to this forum in the first place....sometimes posting the feelings, questions, whatever is all that is needed to make the right decision for you....at least the people who post their situations are open to all possibilities.... Sure the newness of a relationship is always appealing, although familiarity is the best....do you know how many times I have told my life story???? OMG....I hope God sends me someone I already know so all I have to do is catch them ....what's with the font change? ....oh well...my grandson must have pushed something....
Joelle Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 JC, I relate to you. In fact, I'm going through something very similar. The difference between your MM and mine is that mine is a business associate. Your's is a friend. My MM and I have both respected the boundaries. There's been no flirting, but there's chemistry. We had NOT acted on the chemistry. Thankfully, I don't think my MM will act on the chemistry, as he's a man of standing and he's square. Next week, we have a meeting scheduled, just him and me. I'm not looking foward to it.
frannie Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I do not know what is missing in my marriage. I am honestly surprised at my behavior as of lately. I have never looked at any other man other than my husband, and to think I could really mess things up if I were to act on my desire to be with MM. Has anyone ever walked away from a situation like this and truthfully never looked back. I would appreciate some insight. From what I've read on here (and I've read a lot of old threads), no, people generally don't tend to walk away from a situation like this. There have been some exceptions, but in general, if someone has come all the way here to ask whether walking away is possible... then it's usually 'too late'. I think that if someone has turned up on a site for OW they've generally given it some long hard thought... and that is really only because it seems like a serious proposition, rather than something you are likely to shrug off and walk away from. But... that doesn't mean you can't walk away. Read a few threads on here about how hard it is to walk away once you've got involved. Turning down the chance now will seem like a piece of cake by comparison. Is that what you want for yourself..?
Guest Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 First of all, I'll give you all some background concerning my problem. MM and I met first, and then I introduced him to my husband. We have really hit it off quite well, as it turns out MM's wife and children have gotten pretty close to our family as well. I can't remember how it all began, but for the past few months I have found myself really falling hard for this man. I don't think it has been one-sided either. I get some strong signals from him that he is attracted to me. I caught him looking at me in a lustful way, a few weeks ago, though he quickly played it off. There has also been some flirting going on between us. My problem is what can I do to turn off these feelings, they overwhelm me. He is constantly in my thoughts. I get the feeling he is one of these guys who feeds off of the attention he is getting, but not willing to do anything about it, sort of an ego boost, however, if he ever would, I think I would panic! I have never been unfaithful to my husband and it scares me to think I just might give in to temptation. I do not know what is missing in my marriage. I am honestly surprised at my behavior as of lately. I have never looked at any other man other than my husband, and to think I could really mess things up if I were to act on my desire to be with MM. Has anyone ever walked away from a situation like this and truthfully never looked back. I would appreciate some insight. A lot is missing in your marriage if you have to seek out a MM. A lot is missing in his marriage if he feels the need to get his ego stroked by you. You are on the verge of betraying your husband and kids. All for a few moments of pleasure? Not worth it, don't do it! Seek out help from a friend, therapist, pastor, etc....... If this so called friend is looking at you in a lustful way, maybe he is not happy in his marriage and he is definetly not respecting you nor his wife. He has the hots for you, nice, right? Now you know you still got it, now, move on and save your marriage before it's too late. you could probably mess up a good thing. Again, think about it, it's not only your life but your familiy as well. Get some backbone and kick this guy to the curb, he is not really a friend.
puddleofmud Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Both you and your husband have made friends with him and his wife. That is a good thing. Don't flirt any longer! If you must stay in this social situation then: Begin anew by concentrating on the female friend and mother to children, like yourself, in this situation. When all of you are together concentrate soley on HER spend your time with HER and get to know her. Let the men bond or whatever they do... Give her your whole-hearted interest and internally concentrate on her positive attributes: "how lovely her clothes, how much she laughs, how she coos over her children's boo-boos, etc. Find the things likable if not just lovable about her! If you succeed you will find that you would NEVER want her husband! If you can find nothing because she is truly unlikable then simply tell your husband that you can't get along with her and you wish to no longer associate with them. Best wishes to you!
norajane Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I do not know what is missing in my marriage. I am honestly surprised at my behavior as of lately. I have never looked at any other man other than my husband, and to think I could really mess things up if I were to act on my desire to be with MM. There's nothing major missing - just the flirtation and admiring attention that you're picking up from this other guy. When was the last time you started flirting with your husband? Looking at him from across a crowded room and winking? Complimenting him, whispering to him at a party how handsome he looks, smiling at him suggestively? When was the last time your hubby did those things with you? Bring the romance and sexual tension and innuendo back into your marriage, rather than destroying it all for a fantasy.
Jessycake Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Both you and your husband have made friends with him and his wife. That is a good thing. Don't flirt any longer! If you must stay in this social situation then: Begin anew by concentrating on the female friend and mother to children, like yourself, in this situation. When all of you are together concentrate soley on HER spend your time with HER and get to know her. Let the men bond or whatever they do... Give her your whole-hearted interest and internally concentrate on her positive attributes: "how lovely her clothes, how much she laughs, how she coos over her children's boo-boos, etc. Find the things likable if not just lovable about her! If you succeed you will find that you would NEVER want her husband! If you can find nothing because she is truly unlikable then simply tell your husband that you can't get along with her and you wish to no longer associate with them. Best wishes to you! You know, I think you have a good point, I will try that and hopefully it will work. I do value my friendship with them, and I would hate to spoil it by doing something as stupid as having an affair.
Jessycake Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 There's nothing major missing - just the flirtation and admiring attention that you're picking up from this other guy. When was the last time you started flirting with your husband? Looking at him from across a crowded room and winking? Complimenting him, whispering to him at a party how handsome he looks, smiling at him suggestively? When was the last time your hubby did those things with you? Bring the romance and sexual tension and innuendo back into your marriage, rather than destroying it all for a fantasy. NoraJane, I realize that there is nothing missing as well, and I hope to follow through on your good advice. I guess I haven't had anyone pay attention to me in that way for such a long time and I guess I was missing that part in my life. I will attempt to bring the sparks back into my marriage and hopefully that will help me get over my married friend.
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