Krying Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I attend church each weekend. My ex goes to the same church. She used to go each and every time, but since leaving me and getting married, she has pretty much stopped attending. However, the past 2 weekends, she's been present. Now I don't think I have to worry about actually speaking with her. I'm certainly not going to approach her and I doubt she'll say anything to me either. These past couple of weekends however, she has looked at me a few times. So my question is how should I conduct myself. I don't have the strength to never look at her. My love and attraction for her is as strong as ever, so me not looking at her just isn't something I can do. Sometimes when I look at her, she is looking right back at me. There's no emotion though from either of us. No smiling, frowning, or even acknowledgment. Now those of you who have read some of my posts will know that now after 7+ weeks of being separated from my ex, I'm more in love with her than ever before. I would take her back in a heartbeat. The chances of that happening are next to none. So is me looking at her giving off any signals? I'm sure it is, but she's also looking back at me too. Is something going on here that I'm not aware of? Or does it mean absolutely nothing. Hopefully some more knowledgeable persons here have some insight into this.
shawn_68 Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I attend church each weekend. My ex goes to the same church. She used to go each and every time, but since leaving me and getting married, she has pretty much stopped attending. However, the past 2 weekends, she's been present. Well, Krying, I will tell you what I would do ... and you can make your own decision. I would stop attending services at that church. I would find another place. Why do I say that? Because you just said: I'm more in love with her than ever before. I would take her back in a heartbeat. The chances of that happening are next to none. I HAVE been in this same situation. And I know it will hurt you each and every time you see her. I know firsthand the experience. And I have the bruises and scars that you don't want. No more holding on to her, Krying. You HAVE to cut her out of your life. For your own good. This chapter of your life is over. Believe me when I tell you this - things will be just fine.
shawn_68 Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 So is me looking at her giving off any signals? I'm sure it is, but she's also looking back at me too. Is something going on here that I'm not aware of? Or does it mean absolutely nothing. I'm going to be harsh with you, but just know I'm doing it because I DO care. Your head is in the wrong place right now. Your looking for signals from her that displays her wanting you back. But she's married to another person. It's not gonna happen for now, if ever. Unless she calls you up and says that she's made the biggest mistake ever by leaving you, her signals mean nothing. NOTHING. Believe me in this too. You will never start to heal until you finally empty yourself of this hope of getting back together. At this time it is VERY unrealistic and your setting yourself up for further hurt. I'm sorry. I really don't like telling you this. But I've been almost EXACTLY where you are. This is what you need to know. Stay as far away as you can from her. Give yourself some time. Things will be just fine.
Sup Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 It almost seems like she is rubbing your nose in it, so to speak. You better go to another church, now if she follows you, then you need to tell her to leave you alone. That would be harrassment to me, to follow someone like that. I dunno, she's acting like she's out to get a type of revenge, seems that way to me..........
Author Krying Posted November 26, 2006 Author Posted November 26, 2006 Hey guys. Just a few points to clear things up. While it does hurt to see her at church, it's not breaking me like it used to. I am healing more and this is one way I know for sure I am healing. I see her, feel for her, but unlike times in the past, I'm not ready to keel over and die. shawn, your comments on me dropping the idea of her being in my life are totally valid. She is gone from my life, is married and I'm told pregnant too. All the signs are there it's totally over, yet my heart won't give in. My head does see it's pointless to keep hope alive, but my heart for which I listen to the most in matters of love is unrelenting and is being faithful to the point of stupidity. D-Lish said a nice thing in another post that she is gone from my life for now. It could be forever or years. However, I don't plan to wait around for her during that time. As far as changing churches, that's not going to happen at my end. I've been going there almost all my life. She's been going there for several years also. Sup, it's not a case of her following me or anything. We both were going there before we even knew of each other. I don't feel she is rubbing my nose in anything at this point. She's just going to church like I am and we happen to look at each other every now and then. shawn, I'm glad you told me her signals mean nothing. My first feeling was just that. But I wanted to ask as maybe something was going on I wasn't aware. Not the, I want you back kind of thing, but I was thinking something more subtle. What I was originally asking for is simply to know how to conduct myself if for some out of the blue reason we actually do bump heads and talk to one another. I'm not a cold vicious person by any means. No matter how she treated me I will always be polite. But I don't want to come across as this sappy dork if you know what I mean.
shawn_68 Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 What I was originally asking for is simply to know how to conduct myself if for some out of the blue reason we actually do bump heads and talk to one another. Polite, confident, and you've got more important things to do attitude. - I still think attending the same church is a bad idea.
Author Krying Posted November 26, 2006 Author Posted November 26, 2006 Oh I forgot to mention that my ex attends church by herself. Her husband does not come with her. I won't be going to any other church ever. I have life long friends at this one and the support I have gotten from alot of people there has been a real help to me lately. I don't know if she will continue to go there longterm or not, but my gut feeling is she won't be changing churches anytime soon, unless she moves to another city or something. That I don't see happening either.
shawn_68 Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Oh I forgot to mention that my ex attends church by herself. Her husband does not come with her. Then maybe you can say a prayer for her. From what I can tell, she is going to need it.
CosmoBella Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Hello Krying, Your ex has her own reasons for attending church. Who knows what they might be. As far as having eye contact it might mean nothing. I don't want to be cruel. Don't move from church, that shouldn't really come up. It's as much as your right as her to be there. You go to church not because you expect to see your ex but for your religion (i hope is for your spiritual belief)... But the fact is that we make ourself belive what we want. So try not to over analyze the situation. You see her and she sees you, thats it. If you want to acknowledge that you saw her just lightly nod your head and keep doing whatever it is you're doing.
shawn_68 Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Don't move from church, that shouldn't really come up. It's as much as your right as her to be there. You go to church not because you expect to see your ex but for your religion (i hope is for your spiritual belief)... I would normally agree. The only problem is that he is still in love with his ex. Who is, by the way, married to another man. As long as Krying is not bothered by the reminder that her affections and embrace belong to another, I guess he's fine. I understand his reasons for staying. And maybe it's the best thing. But for me, I would be gone in a second. There's other places to worship without the distractions and reminders of things that will not be.
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