archer269 Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Last year my GF now my W broke up with me for about 5 mo, in that time i met a woman and talked to her alot. started to get feelings for eachother (met online talked on phone never met face to face) my now W of 10 mo has decided that she doesnt want to do this ne more. the same week the Ig (internet girl) sent me an email asking how i was doing. weve started talking again and she said that she misses me and was really heartbroken when i told her i patched things up with GF who bacame my W. ive told her whats going on and weve been talking often. now shes hinting about advancement What do i do?
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 What do i do? If you want to stay with your wife, then tell your IG that you are sorry, but that you cannot have any more contact with her and say your goodbyes. Then, work on patching things up with your wife. If you want to stay with IG, then tell her that you need some time to sort things out, and then go through the divorce/annulment process with your wife. Once you are separated and the divorce/annulment is going through, re-establish contact with your IG and take things slowly. The big question is... what do you want to do?
BUTAFLY Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 my now W of 10 mo has decided that she doesnt want to do this ne more. what doesn't she want to do anyomore mean?
frannie Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Well, I'm a believer in having trust between people in a relationship, and that extends to trusting a partner to have friends of the opposite sex. However, in this case, this is an OW who you have developed feelings for in the past. And I would say that is a dangerous situation, which you should be well aware of. If you find yourself developing inappropriate feelings for another and you don't want to put your (primary) relationship in jeopardy, then you should withdraw. Added to this is the fact that Ig wasn't or hasn't been close to you for long enough to know you are now married. So... it's not like you can't live without her 'friendship'.
Author archer269 Posted November 26, 2006 Author Posted November 26, 2006 Thank you for the replies i have no interest other than just talking to the IG and i do very much want my marriage. as for the "i cant do this any more" she wants to leave me. My W doesnt talk to me anymore and sleeps on the couch and doesnt tell me where she goes. I need someone to talk to and the IG is there to listen.
whichwayisup Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I need someone to talk to and the IG is there to listen. You need someone to talk to, seek counselling or talk to a male buddy. Don't be friend this other woman because it's possible she's falling for you. Taking you needing her, wanting her to listen and 'be' there for you as "you falling inlove with her". WHY are youstaying in a marriage where your wife more or less ignores you?
frannie Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Thank you for the replies i have no interest other than just talking to the IG and i do very much want my marriage. as for the "i cant do this any more" she wants to leave me. My W doesnt talk to me anymore and sleeps on the couch and doesnt tell me where she goes. I need someone to talk to and the IG is there to listen. I would have thought talking to your wife was a better plan than talking to this OW? Or even thrashing things out here... talking to the IG is asking for trouble, if your W has a problem with it. It's very difficult to know what to say as you've given very little information so far. But I can't see that talking to the OW will do anything but drive a wedge between you and your W. Working on the marriage should be your first responsibility. You can always thrash questions out here, rather than getting emotionally involved again with IG and causing further problems?
NearlyThere Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Thank you for the replies i have no interest other than just talking to the IG and i do very much want my marriage. as for the "i cant do this any more" she wants to leave me. My W doesnt talk to me anymore and sleeps on the couch and doesnt tell me where she goes. I need someone to talk to and the IG is there to listen. IMO, you are now standing on an invisible dividing line that personally I believe most MM/MW stand on, although at the time its not always obvious and that is stepping over the boundary and ending up having either a PA/EA. Although you say you have no interest in the IG other than talking to her, are you sure you have not ended up in a EA with her because that is where it sounds like you are to me, IMO. If you are not careful and no matter how much you try to avoid it the more you share your feelings with her, either IG will develop an attachment to you, you to her or both of you to each other. Then you will end up in the situ alot of people on LS are and believe me very very few of us, if any, will reccommend it, whether it be a BS, WS, MM, OW, OM, and the list goes on. You say your wife wants to leave you, doesn't talk to you, sleeps on the couch, doesn't tell you where she goes. If you want this to change you really need to try to get her to talk to you about this, no matter how hard or painful the outcome might be. Until you do this you are going to feel you are in some kind on Limbo Land, thats what I called it when I was there anyway, lol. Perhaps, although she has not said anything, she is aware of the IG, maybe she feels neglected, is this a possiblity? It might not be anything tangible she can put her finger on, apart from the fact you have changed in some way. I would be interested to know if she says she wants to leave you then why is she not doing it. I know that sounds harsh and I dont mean it that way, but what i'm trying to say is, although she is saying it, she is not doing it, so maybe she does still care for you although her words and actions do not appear to be reflecting this. Is she dependant on you? If you really do want your marriage to work then cut off contact with IG, until you do this you are getting emotional support from an external source and avoiding the problems in your own relationship. I did this, it does not solve anything, believe me, just defers the inevitable. This is best for her, IG, as well, although she might not realise it at the time, you so you can concentrate on your own feelings and obviously your W as well as she is the one you should be concentrating your energy on. If you want someone to talk to about your issues and you have no male buddies you feel you can share this with, then continue to post on here or one of the other forums on LS, I have seen posts/threads similar to yours where i'm sure you could either just talk or rant ask for advice, like the rest of us do. lol. Eveyone has their own opinion but very few people are judgemental, it might not be want you want to hear but sometimes someone will say just one small thing that clicks with you and helps. Good luck and best wishes to you.
Trialbyfire Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Last year my GF now my W broke up with me for about 5 mo, in that time i met a woman and talked to her alot. started to get feelings for eachother (met online talked on phone never met face to face) my now W of 10 mo has decided that she doesnt want to do this ne more. the same week the Ig (internet girl) sent me an email asking how i was doing. weve started talking again and she said that she misses me and was really heartbroken when i told her i patched things up with GF who bacame my W. ive told her whats going on and weve been talking often. now shes hinting about advancement What do i do? Bluntly speaking, you are currently having an emotional affair. Leave one woman or the other.
oyster Posted December 27, 2006 Posted December 27, 2006 Last year my GF now my W broke up with me for about 5 mo, in that time i met a woman and talked to her alot. started to get feelings for eachother (met online talked on phone never met face to face) my now W of 10 mo has decided that she doesnt want to do this ne more. the same week the Ig (internet girl) sent me an email asking how i was doing. weve started talking again and she said that she misses me and was really heartbroken when i told her i patched things up with GF who bacame my W. ive told her whats going on and weve been talking often. now shes hinting about advancement What do i do? any updates? how is the marriage? is the IG still in the horizon?
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