Was good...until I found out she is in another relationship. Why am I in pain again?

[kjo314]

Hi guys/gals

 

 

A few of you might remember me from a year ago and previously this summer. I was in a realtionship for three years that turned into a LDR and then dissolved pretty quickly.

 

Love was never an issue. Apparently she couldn't trust me, even though I had given her no reason not to in three years and offered to move down there with her while she was at grad-school. She felt inhibited with being in a realtionship with me. Alas, what is in the past is in the past!

 

We have started talking online and chatted once on the phone. I've had no contact with her for about a month besides a daily "poke" on facebook. I knew she was "dating" a guy but I didn't know they were in a serious relationship. She would always say how she had "good memories" with me and how she didn't know what she was going to do in life.

 

Well I found out about it over the week and for some reason I can't shake thoughts out of my head. She has been in this relationship for a couple of months. On top of that, it seems like all the demons that were in my head are back. Why did she break up with you? Maybe you blew your onyl chance for love? Will you ever find someone again? As well as a severe case of loneliness and not understanding why, after a year I am still single and she is on guy #3. It isn't that I havn't dated, I have. I just can't find anyone that clicked like I want.

 

I guess I really don't know what I feel. I thought I was over her. Maybe I am. While these feelings have not brought about any tears I still feel very empty inside as of late. Any helpful thoughts on how to get my mind off these is great. I really don't want to date her again but I find myself wishing I had her because she is all I have ever had (1st love). Anyways, sorry for the long message, anything useful or helpful would be nice.

[kjo314]

On a side note, I am happy with where I am in life right now. I am very successful! I love life. It just seems like I can't find anyone to share it with.

 

Stuff like this just is life I guess.

[johan]

I broke up with my ex almost a year ago. I haven't dated anyone since then. I'd be shocked to find out that she hadn't. But if I had been in touch with her all this time, I would know for sure, and I'd be going through what you're going through.

 

I have tried to stay in contact with women I've broken up with in the past, out of an idealistic sense of the fact that we were friends above all, and important to each other, and also because I held out hope for a reconciliation. And I got to watch them move on, so I know exactly how you feel. It's the closest thing to hell that I know of.

 

For that reason, I cut off all contact when the relationship ends.

 

The fact is she knew how you felt about her. If she valued that and felt the same then she would have come around and fixed things up. But she didn't value it and/or she didn't feel the same. So that makes her nothing but a nuisance and a source of pain.

[freshlillies]

i am sorry that you are hurting, i am in a alot of pain myself right now. cant eat well or sleep well.

 

i was in a ldr for 2.5 years he was my best friend and i figured my soul mate. well he just gave up the day before thanksgiving and i flew back home. never argued and still havnt.

 

sometimes we cant explain why these things happen to us. the only comfort i can give you is. i knwo now you cant think about meeting someone else becuase you only want her. but in time your heart will slowly heal.. dont beat yourself up it wont happen next week. might take 3 months. but it will. and when YOU are healed them you will attract a wonderful person that could be that special someone that you can share your life with. until you heal yourself and are truly over you cant attract a positive relationship. you want a new start, and new love. just take this time for yourself. dont look for anyone. when you are ready i assure you they will come to you and you will know it.

 

it also gives me great comfort to know that not only us girls feel this way when our hearts are broken.. i guess guys hurt to.

 

just take it easy and focus on the little special things in your life for now and let her go with love.

[kjo314]

Well,

 

I guess this is just another example of why it is best if you cut all contact completely. I really wish that I could keep her as a friend...but it hurts. I guess if you can tolerate the pain of it then you can be friends.

 

I think maybe the pain is keeping me back. Almost holding me from freedom still because the thought of reconciliation still crosses my mind when I talk to her. I wish it wouldn't and I don't want it to but it happens. Like I have said before, I really don't want to date her again.

 

Is this the general consensus? To ignore her until I find someone else, then try to be friends??? Is that the only way to do it?

[theadventure50120]

I can go into another relationship now if i want , which makes it easier for me because when i'm in it and (i do like this girl) then if my ex gets someone i will probably be by the stage where i don't care if she is.

 

Also i haven't done anything with a girl apart from cuddle them since my ex ,which was 2month ago (and i'm sure she has , well i know she has) i think i should soon , because all the last things i done lies with my ex. It might make me get over her completey.

 

But i think people should atleast date others (if they want to) instead of sitting around.