hoss_66 Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Does anyone else out there feel like their situation as the OM/OW is addictive? In the past if I were to look at smokers, drug addicts, alcoholics, etc I'd always sort of look at them as just being weak people who couldn't say no. I'd say "You know it's unhealthy and ruining your life, so just quit! Simple as that!". I've got a different outlook now tho. I feel like being the OM is possibly an addiction of sorts for me. I'm fully aware that it is wrecking my life and others, it's taking a toll on me emotionally, physically, and at work and with my existing relationships and family. I keep telling myself it's time to stop, but I just can't seem to do it! Anyone else have these feelings? I'd bet most all of us do.
Joelle Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 OP, very good point. Yes, I think having an affair can be addictive.
IfWishesWereHorses Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Actually, I think that the addiction MOSTLY lies with the WS. I see the OW/OM as more of a codependent role.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Yep. I do think it's an addiction of sorts. Just like how they say cigarettes are mentally AND physically addictive. I've broken the physical part, it's the mental I'm working on now. WAY harder. I think that while LS, and the wonderful people here, have helped me tremendously, I'm doing myself a disservice by constantly trolling here on the OW/OM thread. Keeps it in the forefront of my mind. But this relationship (with LS) is one I can't break free of just yet.
BuckeyeBabe Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I definitely believe it is an addiction of sorts. I recently ended a relationship with a married man. I was not aware he was married in the beginning ( no ring, no mention, etc. ), but I'm an educated woman - I figured it out. The problem is that once I figured it out, it took some time for me to end things and I'm still going through "withdrawal" mentally! Uuugh!!!
frannie Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I've never really seen the connection myself. It seems to stem from the fact that ending an affair is hard, and that there's a lot of pain involved in continuing it (read, therefore 'harm'). I think the reason it's so hard to end an affair is it's not the relationship between the people that's the problem, it's the situation. Walking away from something that's not broken is incredibly difficult. I don't think that that degrades what is actually there, like it's something lesser than other kinds of love, though that is how it's stated on here. Just that it's harder to walk away from, for the reasons I've given.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I've never really seen the connection myself. It seems to stem from the fact that ending an affair is hard, and that there's a lot of pain involved in continuing it (read, therefore 'harm'). I think the reason it's so hard to end an affair is it's not the relationship between the people that's the problem, it's the situation. Walking away from something that's not broken is incredibly difficult. I don't think that that degrades what is actually there, like it's something lesser than other kinds of love, though that is how it's stated on here. Just that it's harder to walk away from, for the reasons I've given. I think you hit it right there. It doesn't feel broken. It feels idealic. So therefore, the mind tricks you into thinking all sorts of things. All your romantic ideals about love, romance, and all of that. My thing is, just because you feel it, does not make it so!
frannie Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I think you hit it right there. It doesn't feel broken. It feels idealic. So therefore, the mind tricks you into thinking all sorts of things. All your romantic ideals about love, romance, and all of that. My thing is, just because you feel it, does not make it so! Well if you're talking about an emotion, then what other way is there of experiencing it? Sorry, just messing around a bit
BenThereDunThat Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Well if you're talking about an emotion, then what other way is there of experiencing it? Sorry, just messing around a bit Allright, Frannie...no messing with my head. I've had a few beers, so therefore I am the smartest person EVER! OK, no, really. I just meant that there's a difference between what you feel and what is actually reality. When you feel something, your sub-conscious can trick you into lots of things.
frannie Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Allright, Frannie...no messing with my head. I've had a few beers, so therefore I am the smartest person EVER! OK, no, really. I just meant that there's a difference between what you feel and what is actually reality. When you feel something, your sub-conscious can trick you into lots of things. heh heh heh. I get what you're saying (I think)... when you're 'in love' with someone or blinded up in some way it's easier to overlook things that you'd normally question or put your foot down over? Agreed.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 heh heh heh. I get what you're saying (I think)... when you're 'in love' with someone or blinded up in some way it's easier to overlook things that you'd normally question or put your foot down over? Agreed. Right, sort of. The 'rational' section of your brain takes a vacation....
puddleofmud Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Not just affairs but any behavior that is supposedly out of one's nature or one's expectations could be considered as potentially addictive. In general our society sensationalizes the more extreme over the mundane. We may awe over a celebrity fairy-tale wedding as opposed to successful realationships that have lasted fifty years. THAT may would be boring to report to the masses. We may have become accustomed to expect extreme HIGHS with the low part being non-consequential. There are no fairy tales that utter a sentence after "they lived happily ever after".... This creeps into our values and we wish the same: only the HIGH and maybe not the reality of the "lows" or even the "middle", thus happiness would seem to be nothing but of the highest nature. This being passion, thrill seeking and wide eyed wonder which last about a milisecond. Personally, I am happier in the middle. I know highs and lows come and go but the middle is what I choose. I call it "melodious" or "mellow" or "simple" or simply "B-O-R-I-N-G. The constant thrill seeking for the highs takes to much of my energy and my soul. Just as you have said you feel you are robbing yourself and your family for an extreme high and you are wise to seek your own nature and come back to your middle ground; your foundation! Hope you come back soon. Best wishes!
BUTAFLY Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Does anyone else out there feel like their situation as the OM/OW is addictive? AbosuEffenLouly!!!! I am hooked. And like a true addict I don't know if I will ever be cured of it but rather deal with it one-day-at-time.
BenThereDunThat Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Puddle - you basically described the household in which I was raised. My parents were together for over 30 years. I can testify to the good, the bad, the ugly. I'm sure the MW's here might understand this....when I was about 3 or 4 (I'm the youngest), my mom had a fling.........the only thing I remember about those days is a fleeting memory of talking to my mom on the phone and asking her what she was doing. A crossword puzzle, she said. I got it confused with a JIGSAW puzzle and asked her to save it for me. That made her laugh. Mom came back though. My parents were married a total of 4 times -- to each other.
Meaplus3 Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Does anyone else out there feel like their situation as the OM/OW is addictive? In the past if I were to look at smokers, drug addicts, alcoholics, etc I'd always sort of look at them as just being weak people who couldn't say no. I'd say "You know it's unhealthy and ruining your life, so just quit! Simple as that!". I've got a different outlook now tho. I feel like being the OM is possibly an addiction of sorts for me. I'm fully aware that it is wrecking my life and others, it's taking a toll on me emotionally, physically, and at work and with my existing relationships and family. I keep telling myself it's time to stop, but I just can't seem to do it! Anyone else have these feelings? I'd bet most all of us do. Hi, I just want to tell you I feel for you! Yes, I would say that OM/OW is like an addiction. I know I became very addicted to calling the MM that I have been invloved with, almost to the point that N/C felt like it was destroying me. The worst part about my situation is that I am a MW and became very emotionally dependent on this MM for over a year. If you really want to stop, NO CONTACT! Sounds easy? NOT! You will need to work your way through your emotion's to be able to do this, tough but can be done! Good Luck. AP
desperate4change Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Sometimes I wonder if the addiction isn't more for the situation that's created. This is hard for me to word -- the time that I spend with MM is my own, it's kind of like my own little 'fantasy' world -- if the telephone rings, I don't pick up, if there's someone at the door, I don't answer it. We talk about work, kids, family and the like, but the problems just disappear when the hugs, kisses, and, ahem, lovin' starts. When I'm with him, there's no one else around. It's just the two of us, together. Maybe I'm addicted to that.. maybe it's my escape from reality. I really need to find a new hobby, heh?
jerseyblue29eyes Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I think I can relate to you. The time I share with my MM is like a high then I have to come down from the clouds and go to work and school. But I am happy to say I have never been late to work or called off when I knew I had to leave. But it was so tempting!
oyster Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I think the reason it's so hard to end an affair is it's not the relationship between the people that's the problem, it's the situation. Walking away from something that's not broken is incredibly difficult. I second that opinion, for me, I am the OM, we ended the A because she could not let go of her Marriage, gave it another chance. The spouses were playing mind game, revenge, whatever. The MW used lame excuse to end it. I am like fine, your lost. But I think the addiction is with the WS, the MW keeps calling and calling and calling:eek:
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