Now my feelings are all jumbled...

[pricillia]

Hi Everyone,

 

I just want to say I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

 

I have not posted about my situation in about a week or so... I just wanted to see where it would go and how I would feel.

 

The last post was of MM being jealous of nothing and me telling him to never call me again.

 

Well he did inch his way back in. He asked me if he could spend the night with me last night and after a little hesitation I said yes.

 

We went out to get a drink and talk. Everytime we talk he opens up more and more, not really about his wife, but about you know his life growing up... relationship with his mother and father. mother was kind and loving, and father was abusive. ( I knew some of this from the beginning).

 

He told me that he hates being home, that he is thinking about his next move. I just listened to him, and said... I know that you will figure it all out.

 

According to him he spent the holiday separate from his wife. He called me three times that day, which is the norm anyway.

 

I woke up today, and had to go to work in the morn...(here now) and I am so frustrated with myself that I feel I am falling for this... all this.

 

I am not sure if he is telling the truth or not, I never ask him, he just starts talking about his frustrations.

 

We talked about him not trusting me. I told him that I do not need attention from men, that I am secure enough in myself that I don't need to seek that kind of attention, and that when I am in love with a man then that one man is all that I need. Don't get me wrong I have men that I like to talk to, but I am not the hair flipping kind of girl you know.

 

But I ask why am I putting up with this from him when I know that I deserve so much more in life, I told him that I want kids that I want a family of my own. I told him that he is a liar and that he is hurtfull and mean when he thinks that he can not trust me, but a big part of me knows that since he lied to me from the beginning he is the one that can not be trusted.

 

so it comes down to this. I have not known his number (home) this whole time. Yes my fault I accepted less then I should be getting. He is selling his car and on the for sale sign was his home number so I did a reverse lookup and came up with his address,

 

I honestly think that this has gone too far because I would never do something like that....

 

so help

[noforgiveness]

why would you ever feel guilty for being curious of his address or number? It is someone you are in love with and sleeping with of course you would want to know all you can about him.

 

Why do you feel bad? You should not have to snoop to get this info.

 

I think you should drive by on weekends and see if he is having a happy little family. You already said he has lied to you so you are more than justified in doing this. You need to know what his true story is and hiding his address from you is not giving you anything about him.

[lovernotafighter]

well yeah, that's the thing...even if you were a hair flipper ( not sure whatcha mean *bats eyes*) you have every right in the world to do so because he is in a committed relationship with someone else.

 

even if he feels jealous which is totally natural he should curb his mouth and actions at least till he has removed himself from his wife..till then he really has no right to say squat to you even if you were dating many men regularly.

[lovernotafighter]

why would you ever feel guilty for being curious of his address or number? It is someone you are in love with and sleeping with of course you would want to know all you can about him.

 

Why do you feel bad? You should not have to snoop to get this info.

 

I think you should drive by on weekends and see if he is having a happy little family. You already said he has lied to you so you are more than justified in doing this. You need to know what his true story is and hiding his address from you is not giving you anything about him.

 

I did this..I felt a little stalkerish however I felt I needed to see the reality of the situation to help me end the relationship.

[silktricks]

We talked about him not trusting me.

 

Why shouldn't he trust you? Is he doing this to deflect your obvious reasons for not being able to trust him?

[pricillia]

I just can not take this anymore... I have the address, directions, and the name the phone number belongs to...

[noforgiveness]

I just can not take this anymore... I have the address, directions, and the name the phone number belongs to...

 

take care of yourself and be careful. If you choose to drive by don't do anything crazy. Do not confront him

[silktricks]

I just can not take this anymore... I have the address, directions, and the name the phone number belongs to...

 

Pricilla, I strongly urge you not to do this. The fact that you feel the need to track him down implies the amount the relationship is lacking for you. Don't focus on him, focus on you. Focus on how you are feeling, what you really want in life, what you are getting. If your needs are not being met, then the details of what he is or isn't doing don't really matter.

 

Don't purposely hurt yourself in order to get the strength to get out of a bad relationship.

 

Take care of yourself. Do what's right for you. You are in way too much pain and could do something not good.

[pricillia]

take care of yourself and be careful. If you choose to drive by don't do anything crazy. Do not confront him

 

I know, that is what I am saying in the real world I would not have to do something like this, and I do not want curiosity to get the best of me, you know.

 

I am going to tell him this.

 

That I am glad that I met him, that nobody makes me feel the way that he does, He is in my heart and I truly care about him, at the same time I need more in order to build the relationship that I want.

[whichwayisup]

at the same time I need more in order to build the relationship that I want.

 

And if you stay with him in any sort of way, you won't be able to build the life you want. You'll be unhappy more and more as time goes on.

[pricillia]

And if you stay with him in any sort of way, you won't be able to build the life you want. You'll be unhappy more and more as time goes on.

 

Yes you are right, I have to tell him that I would like more with him.

 

He states that he is unhappy.

 

I am tired though at the same time, like yesterday he called me in the morning, and I was cleaning up from Thanksgiving we spoke...Later he called me around 3 about three times but I was in the shower so I did not answer the phone. I called him back and he started asking me if I was seeing someone else.

 

Gosh... If he is that worried then do something about it!!! If he wants me for himself then do something...

 

Don't stay in a relationship just because it is easy...

[puddleofmud]

I am sorry you are feeling this way but is it any wonder?

In my opinion he knows exactly what he is doing!

He is testing you--he calls constantly in order to disrupt your life. He is not checking in to communicate with you--he is checking in to make sure you are alone and as little reminders to keep "him" in your mind. Really, how could you manage a date with him calling you like that?

Its cruel and manipulative, darling, and I just hate it for you. It would mess with anyone's mind. Especially that he seems to be doing his best to also earn sympathy from you right now which is most likely another manipulation.

Maybe you want to ask yourself if you could live with this if you were permantly attached to him? Seems like someone who perceives love as ownership...not someone who is sweetly chasing the love of his life.

And if he left his wife I would wonder if he wouldn't do the same thing to her once she began dating?

As for snooping: been there done that and did so because I was forced to find information. However, if it becomes obsessive then it won't help you but will keep you emotionally connected.

Hang in there and I am keeping you in my thoughts!

[BenThereDunThat]

I am sorry you are feeling this way but is it any wonder?

In my opinion he knows exactly what he is doing!

He is testing you--he calls constantly in order to disrupt your life. He is not checking in to communicate with you--he is checking in to make sure you are alone and as little reminders to keep "him" in your mind. Really, how could you manage a date with him calling you like that?

Its cruel and manipulative, darling, and I just hate it for you. It would mess with anyone's mind. Especially that he seems to be doing his best to also earn sympathy from you right now which is most likely another manipulation.

Maybe you want to ask yourself if you could live with this if you were permantly attached to him? Seems like someone who perceives love as ownership...not someone who is sweetly chasing the love of his life.

And if he left his wife I would wonder if he wouldn't do the same thing to her once she began dating?

As for snooping: been there done that and did so because I was forced to find information. However, if it becomes obsessive then it won't help you but will keep you emotionally connected.

Hang in there and I am keeping you in my thoughts!

 

I gotta say I agree with Puddle on this....I wish it wasn't so, for your sake. But this man sounds like a master manipulator. He has got you so turned around. I can tell from your posts that you know what you want for yourself. It really does come through.

 

But he's got you almost brainwashed.

 

You know you deserve better. We know you deserve better.

 

Now is the time for you to be completely selfish..think only of YOU. His problems are not your problems. Please remember that.

 

We're with you, hon.

[kymberann]

Pricilla,

You are at an advantage here! Think about it, if you choose to end this it is your doing in your terms, not his. I have always thought that being the one who is left is more painful than the one doing the leaving. Painful as it is, you call the shots, you'll be stronger for ending it with this manipulator. How much longer can you really take! We'll be here!

[lovernotafighter]

i did go to his place like i said but honestly it did nothing but make me afeel a little sick I did something so out of who I am...do lose your self..you are more than this relationship

 

(((HUGS)))

[pureinheart]

You got it Kymber....this is the one thing we forget, mostlikely because they have called all of the shots for different amounts of time....this is all about control with them....

 

The tables have turned....haven't they

[kymberann]

Yep, and it's about time!

 

What i wouldn't give to have had the upper hand in my situation. I think that is why this is especially hard to deal with. MM's wife became suspiscious and he ended it all. I really had no say so. Everything was good, as good as it could be anyways and the ball dropped. Two weeks ago today he came over and ended it. Told me to go my way, not to make it hard because it was hard on him too. I haven't seen or heard squat from him. These last two weeks have been the most awful weeks of my life. I have done more crying in the least amount of time ever! And just questionong everything! Worse than getting divorced even. Anyway, if I can't feel vindacated in my own situation at least I can read about someone else's!

Stay strong Pricillia!

[Seen_It_All]

...so it comes down to this. I have not known his number (home) this whole time. Yes my fault I accepted less then I should be getting. He is selling his car and on the for sale sign was his home number so I did a reverse lookup and came up with his address....

 

I say go to his house and tell his wife what a lying snake he is. After all, for the first 6 MONTHS this guy lied to you about being married, right? I highly doubt you're the ONLY one this loser has played his little game with. You're probably one in a string of MANY through the years. Yeah, I know...he's much too HONEST and has too much INTEGRITY to do something like THAT, right?

[pricillia]

I say go to his house and tell his wife what a lying snake he is. After all, for the first 6 MONTHS this guy lied to you about being married, right? I highly doubt you're the ONLY one this loser has played his little game with. You're probably one in a string of MANY through the years. Yeah, I know...he's much too HONEST and has too much INTEGRITY to do something like THAT, right?

 

 

You know that I am not going to do that... I do not know the whole story all I know is that he is not happy with her...

 

Yesterday I asked him if this is something that he can work out and he said that at this point there is no point in pushing something that is so separated...

 

I did tell him that I would like more then this and that I want more in a relationship.

 

I am not going to push it right now...

 

I just think that I need to focus on me...I am taking a step back from this

[How I ended up Here]

I read this post and it describes exactly how my MM is. He is constanly making comments about me and other men and a few weeks ago we got into a huge fight over the fact that he made some inapropriate comment about my new boss. I told him I really enjoyed working for him because he was younge and hip and very easy to get along with, unlike some of the older crabby bosses I've had to deal with in the recent past, and he asked me right away if there was any "vibe" between us. I was so upset with him that was the last straw. How do these men get off on being jealous of us when we are there waiting at their beck and call, head over heels inlove with them waiting for them to resolve their darn situations at home and they have the gall to accuse us of being the ones that deserve to be mistrusted!?!?

 

He immendiately tried to fix it by say that he see what an attractive woman I am how I could have any man I wanted and that it was his poor way of saying that I could be snagged away at any moment. the nerve!!!

 

WOW and the whole bit about him not seeing the point in returning to something that is unfixable is exactly what mine tells me but yet, after moving out he is back there at her house consoling her.

 

I am starting to realise it is the same Bs line they use on all of us...

[pricillia]

so since said happenings over this weekend, he has not called me at all today, not sure if he will, maybe it is over with him...

 

I am tempted to call, but I will not, he does most of the calling to me...

 

This is definately hard

[kymberann]

Don't call! You know what that will lead to. You will feel remorse the minute you do! You will fall right into his trap, that is what he wants. Keep the upper hand! He wants you to feel remorse, he wants you to feel attached and lead on. Don't push it for your sake! Just pretend his antics aren't bothering you one bit! Hang in!

Best!

[yousaveme]

First things first dont call. Nothing good can come of it. Second he hasnt been honest from the beginning. What is all the secrets with him?

 

But yet he doesnt trust you? That has me confused. Sorry I know this isnt probably what you want to hear. But he knows everything about you , yet he only lets you know what he wants about him.

 

Pricilla, i really do think your a nice person. And in short YOU DONT NEED THIS.

[jerseyblue29eyes]

Yep, and it's about time!

 

What i wouldn't give to have had the upper hand in my situation. I think that is why this is especially hard to deal with. MM's wife became suspiscious and he ended it all. I really had no say so. Everything was good, as good as it could be anyways and the ball dropped. Two weeks ago today he came over and ended it. Told me to go my way, not to make it hard because it was hard on him too. I haven't seen or heard squat from him. These last two weeks have been the most awful weeks of my life. I have done more crying in the least amount of time ever! And just questionong everything! Worse than getting divorced even. Anyway, if I can't feel vindacated in my own situation at least I can read about someone else's!

Stay strong Pricillia!

 

 

What you wrote tore my heart out. I feel everything you wrote. Sending you hugs and be strong.

[Guest]

But I ask why am I putting up with this from him when I know that I deserve so much more in life, I told him that I want kids that I want a family of my own. I told him that he is a liar and that he is hurtfull and mean when he thinks that he can not trust me, but a big part of me knows that since he lied to me from the beginning he is the one that can not be trusted.

 

I agree. I think a lot of us following your story are wondering the same thing. I looked back to see what your relationship is like. I think you should record some of his less-than-stellar moments on a series of index cards and pull them out whenever you feel weak.

 

 

It is as if he views you as tainted because you would have him! I don't know how else to put it. I hope you understand what I am trying to get across. I think your MM needs massive doses of therapy based upon your recording of his past antics:

 

 

 

raw sexual side...maddening

Hi everyone,

 

I have had an affair with a married coworker who dilignetly pursued me.

It has since ended because he tells me that he feels that I am not honest with him and he thinks that I have been with other people. Now keep in mind here that I have not been with anyone in years and it took allot for me to let him get as close as he has. I feel that is implication is an excuse to end things or he feels it is getting too complicated. I called him out at stated that he used me and he states that he has feelings for me is still attracted to me and part of him cares for me. He also states that he loves his wife, "however being with me has brought out the nastiest raw sexual side of him and it is maddening." I do not contact this man and I often feel his stare in the office, and when I look at him he often looks away. How do I handle this situation as I felt such a connection with him but I do not want to even go there again.

 

 

 

 

being the ow sucks, need reply from former OW, or current

Hi everyone,

 

I have been intimate with my mm since Nov of 05 with a two month break in between until he heard that I was starting to see someone else, he said that he is not ready to give me up.

 

He knows how I feel about him and often does things to make me jealous trying to get a rise out of me. I work with him so we see eachother every day. I know that NC is what everyone is going to tell me and that is fine but how do you get over the feelings that you have for some one, There is someone new that I really like and enjoy and he tells me that he is not married and that he is not seeing anyone I hope that I can believe him.

 

Why now when he knows that I am interested in someone else does he start everything all over again?

 

The other day the MM said that he is starting to fall for me

 

 

 

stories sound so similar wouldn't be suprised if some of us were seeing the same MM

My MM is so good at what he does I think that he believes his own lies. He gets what he wants from me gets closer then pushes me away. Always knowing what to say and what to do to pull me back in... I am tired of it. I work with him in the metro west boston area and I see him try to be charming to other women in our office to see how far he can go. I think he likes it that I do not say anything. I call him the golden child in my office as he get's away with almost anything I do not know why people allow it or why I allow him to disrespect me in the way that he has been, he has been acting more like a boy than a man lately. I tell him lately that I hate him and I am starting to really feel that way. He is a user and a manipulator!

 

 

 

5 work days and counting...

He was looking a a magazine and there was a "Hot" girl in it and he was commenting on how great she looked... won't get into details. A few people walked into the office and as usual I said hi to them one of them (Male) stoped to talk to me and we were chatting and MM showed him the magazine by holding it up and tried to take his attention away from me. I sarcasticly thanked him by saying"Thanks for distracting him after all I was having a conversation with him... His reply was "Anyone would be distracted by that" he was being such a jerk yesterday it infuriated me, he was jealous by me talking to the other guy and did his best to stop the conversation and infact did. When I chat with other guys as part of office conversation he rolls his eyes.

 

He then reminded me that he has one week left. He loves to play head games and lately he has been flirting more and more with people in the office and they are friends of mine, like he is doing it on purpose... WTF

 

I really wanted to go over to him and strangle him., he then e-mailed me to say that he is like a nymphomaniac and he has a long list of women that he would like to F**K.. nice hugh..

 

 

 

yesterday he had a ring on???

Yesterday I saw my man, he was not expecting to see me...I looked down at his hands and he had a ring on his left ring finger... A gold wedding band. I simply asked what is this? He said that it was his Fathers ring and that he always wears it. I have been seeing him since late March and this is the first time that he has worn it.

 

I asked him if he was married and he said no and that I should not worry about that. I did tell him calmly that I would be very hurt if he was married. We talked for a few more moments and then I left.

 

I called him and left him a message and told him that I was still concerned with the "ring thing" He called me right back and said that he thought that we should "just let go" because he has alot of things on his mind that he can not handle things right now.

 

Keep in mind that he will not tell me what he is going throught because he said that it was too difficult, I told him that I may be able to help him but he said that no one can help him with what he is going through.

(I admit to being a little confused here as you mentioned your MM in prior quotes. Is this a different man?)

 

 

 

dreams

I recently had a dream about my father and he took me fishing.

 

I wonder what that means? This is the second fish dream that I have had about fish and streams and catching fish.

The first one was a little weird in that I caught a fish and it turned out to be a pig, and I kept it as a pet (weird hugh)

 

I am not sure how to interpet the dream with the pig, I am looking for a

new career path that will increase my income potential, maybe it means that I will bring home the bacon,(THAT WOULD BE NICE) or maybe he took me fishing to say that there are other fish in the sea??

 

It seems I often dream about him when I have things on my mind.

I think this dream is your Father telling you that your MM, the one you caught out of all of the fish in the sea, is a Pig. Was your Father direct like that in life?

 

 

 

So He Is Married!!!

I Am So Madd Right Now... The Man I Was Seeing Was Married And He Lied To Me So Now I Am Two For Two This Whole Thing Sucks! I Hate Myself For Believing Him And Trusting Him. I Am So Sad Angry Disgusted And So So So Devistated. I Opened My Heart And Fell In Love With Someone When It Was A Waste Of Time. I Am So Stupid

 

 

This Whole Thing Just Makes Me Want To Scream

 

 

 

This is so hard to let go from MM I need to take my own

So after I found out that he was Married there was a big blow out he was the one doing all the yelling, I just listened It ended with him telling me to loose his number, I said fine as long as you loose my number.

 

I waited a day then I called him hoping that his voice mail would pick up and it did and I just left a peace message as we work in the same building and I have to see him and I thought that it would be for the best.

 

He called me an hour later and did not answer and he stated that he wished I would call back. I did not he kept on calling. He tried to explain himself and said that he did it because he felt a connection with me and that he cares for me.

 

Now he calls me all the time, I don't call him he tells me that I am his sweetheart, and that he loves me and that he has nothing to hide from me when I asked him how many children he had he still lied he told me that he has one, I know that he has more but he won't tell me. Why continue the lie???

 

<snip>

 

He even asks me if I am seeing someone else when he is the one that is married. I have a headache!

 

This isn't doing me any good whatsoever.

 

 

 

"I'll call you in an hour"

He then tells me that he will call me in an hour. I am not needy just call tomorrow. And keep in mind I was not expecting his call but what the heck don't say you will call, it is not necessary. If you call you call, if you don't then don't

 

That was about 4 hrs ago.. hmmm longest hour I have ever seen, must be idiot time.

 

ok I'm done venting now.

 

 

 

He thinks because I don't answer the phone if I am busy, he thinks that I don't want to talk to him, even if I call him back right away.

I wish that I was not in love with him because I am really hurting here. He said that ( and I believe it was out of anger) that if I am seeing someone else then that is fine, but he said it while he was yelling. This is after he got me the sweetest card and roses for my birthday.

He said that I am pushing him away but I don't think so.

 

 

 

For those of you who don't know I have been seeing a MM for about 8 months now, 6 of which I did not know he was a MM...

 

Well he calls me every day more than once a day, and my last post was that he thinks that I am seeing another man.

 

I recently got a new job and he thinks that I am going to find someone else there, as he said that he had a dream that there was someone else in my life, since the dream that he had which was about 3 weeks ago, he calls me about 4+ times a day when before it was 1x maybe two a day, but now he is convinced that I will meet someone else.

 

We had a big fight on Wednesday eve. I came home from work and went to sleep early, he called me and was upset that I did not call him he was so abrupt that we kept on miscommunicating.

 

I said enough is enough. I got out of bed and drove to meet him after work so I could talk to him about all of this, well that was a big mistake.

 

I told him that I was there to stop the miscommunication that we seem to be having, everything was going fine until...

 

I will try to make this as short as possible here it goes...

 

He asked me if I have ever been with a woman, I said no... he persisted, the answer was still no...

 

He then said that he wanted to be with one of my friends, I said that would never happen, he then said why not with one of my friends (male)

 

I said no repeatedly, by this time I knew that he was trying to get me to say yes to being with another man because he was trying to prove to himself that I would in fact "cheat on him".

 

This torture went on for about 30 minutes, I was hurt that he would even ask me to be with another man.

 

He said that he would set this up with his friend, I asked him if his friend had a GF and he said yes, so I told him to be with his friend and his GF or ask his wife to do this.

 

He still persisted, asking me if he should set it up, I said yes set it up, but before I could say the next thing which was, but I won't be there, he flew off the handle and said...

 

It is over! I knew that you would do something like that. (which I would not)

 

By this time I was sooo damn angry, I told him that I would never do something like that and that I am tired of his games. He was so mad that he got in his car a drove off.

 

I left him a message telling him that I am not his mistress, or his whore, that he is untrusting, jealous and hurtful. I told him that I want a man of my own and that I would like to start a family.

 

I told him to never ever ever call me again and that I never want to see him again.

 

NEXT DAY>>> 15 messages in my phone

 

He calls me to tell me that I do not have to worry that he will not be calling me anymore.

 

Then as the day progressed, he was begging me to return his call, and said that what happened last night was a mistake, that we were talking about something that did not mean anything to either of us.

 

That he is in love with me and I mean everything to him, that he would do anything for me.

 

He said please please call him so we can talk about it... he even sent me a text message ( which he never does) to say PLEASE CALL.

 

I just sent him a text back at that point that said...

 

MY heart hurts.

 

ok this story is long enough, but I just wanted to let you alll know

This man would drive the most sane and reasonable person over the edge. He is crazy and attempting to take you down with him.

 

Please don't let him!