Zephry Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I am probably part of the younger crowd in this site. I'm in college and I know break-ups and mess ups happen a lot. I met a girl my senior year in high school. We didn't start dating until funny as it is the day I went to jail. She flirted with me when we were in school and I didn't really catch on, I thought she was more joking around. To be truthful I saw the girl as someone out of my league. We started hanging out in the summer and I asked her if she would go out with me. She kind of hesitated and pushed of the question saying, "she wanted to know it was a for sure thing, and she didn't want to get hurt." Which I said was fine. I thought she was a very cool girl once i got to know her more. And even though she was very physically attractive, she also had a very attractive outgoing personality. Previously to the day that I went to jail we had been I guess casually dating. When she said yes to me, oh wow, my heart fell to the floor. Looking back we had so many great memories of doing this, that, and the other thing. We really didn't get in too many disagreements. My intention of starting this relationship was to try and never hurt her. It was a couple of months until on the very same night said we loved each other. It was quite weird, I had been thinking of it in my head, pondering how or even if I really should tell her that I indeed loved her. She texted me shortly after I had dropped her off at her house and I believe it said "do you love me." I couldn't believe it, the answer to the question had been in my head all night! She was still in high school when we were dating and I was just starting my first year of college. The schools were in the same town. I saw her almost every night, and talked to her everyday. Yet I worked a lot since I was paying for an apartment and had other bills to pay. She was down in the state of FL, on spring break vacation. She said she had wanted to take a break before she went, to see if her and I was what she really wanted. It made more sense for the break, when I caught wind of some information. I found out she had been hanging out with a guy. I knew this guy and knew they had hung out a coupld of times but when my friends told me a more in depth story I didn't know what to do. The night she came into town I really didn't know what to do. I was torn with emotion and didn't know if I wanted to not talk to her at all, talk to her and tell her to f--- off, or talk to her and I guess talk it out. Well I ended up doing the third and I believe it was because I had almost a week to think about it. She said she made the biggest mistake of her life. We got back together and things were slightly rocky but not too bad. She applied to a University an hr away from her hometown. She suggested that I move down there with her. She said, "If you move with me. That's like taking the next step. You could say- it's a way for us to have a clean slate- start all over and grow closer." I had gone through some stuff in the town that I grew up in and thought I love this girl too much to just let her slip away, i'll move with her and go to the community college, so we can be close and see each other. Well the time came and we had a lot on our plates mostly dealing with the move. I had a larger rent bill so my flexibility for time was less. She didn't have to work since her parents are well... richer than I. Either way I haven't been able to put my finger on what exactly went wrong for her to want another break. Which ended up in the break up of us. At that point we had been dating (not counting the week break), for one year and one month. I tryed talking to her asking the why why why's? It felt as if I got blindsided by an 18 wheeler. She said she didn't want any relationship with anyone, saying she just wanted to go out and I guess live. I commended her at first, untill I saw her with one guy on two different occasions walking down the main drag. She said it was nothing that it was just bad timing that I drove by. I somewhat believed her, but then again what did it matter I couldn't do anything, we were indeed broken up. We talked on the phone fairly often telling each other of our days. We went out to dinner a few times, and she slept over. We only fooled around twice since. We have been broken up for anout two and a half months. I thought I was getting over her. I gave her a ride to our hometown, I had things I needed to do in person there and I didn't mind. It felt wierd when we were there. Almost like old times, back a couple of months ago when we were dating and lived in that town. She invited me to Thanksgiving a couple of days ago. Later that night I looked in her phone to see if there was any clues of her seeing someone. Well it turned out that I saw information (it may have been read more into than what the texts said), but nevertheless was very clear that she was talking to a guy. I kinda lost it and walked without saying anything to cool off. It turns out that I wasn't as over her as I thought. I was king of an emotional wreck when she found me I didn't know what to say. For the past year I have discussed my problems with this girl and the same she has done with me. My question is how do you talk to the girl that you have the most thoughts of confusion about. We ended up talking for a while. The first time we talked about us since we broke up and probably the most in depth since also. She told me she wasn't looking for a boyfriend, and that this guy wasn't a serious thing. She told me (not in these words) that this guy isn't what she would marry. She also made a comment that I was a guy that she could see marrying. Now I know i'm not ready for marriage and neither is she, but it did lighten me up. She said that she wouldn't mind going on a date or something with me, since she is open. I told her Thanksgiving night how I felt as best I could. I want to just not talk to her for a while, but it will be so hard. I don't know if I scared her off. I asked her when she was coming back from her hometown today. She replied by texting me, "Sun night, Sorry your so flustered." I don't really know what to do from this point. I feel like I want to talk to her one last time and say one of two things. 1) I love you and wish you the best. try to move on. 2) I would like to take you on a date. Start out fresh and clean and see where things go. Either way I think I'm going to need to take some time to just settle my head but then the more I do the more I'm probably going to be thinking what is she doing with that other guy. Will I lose her for good? I came to a conclusion that acceptance is the key to get through everything. I just don't know how long it will take to accept that she might be gone for good.
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