Guest Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I want to scream that at my exMM at the top of my lungs. I don't encourage him but he just keeps coming around to beg for me back. It's been over five years since our relationship ended and every time I feel like my life is getting back on track he comes looking for me. I have moved and he still found me. I have not been involved with him since it ended nor have I given him reason to hope that we could ever start up again. Here is the back story for those who are interested: He and I were best friends from the time we were little kids. He got together with this woman and his whole life fell apart. She is toxic to EVERYONE around her. She's had her kids taken by DCF, (prostitutes herself and is *proud* of it I might add), was disowned by her family, has a drinking problem, and is very violent. This isn't some story my exMM fed me, this is crap I've witnessed. I couldn't understand why he put up with her abuse, why he didn't just go. I still don't. I spent many hours trying to help him sort out his life and ended up falling in love with him. This one sided love affair lasted for a few years (in which I did not voice my feelings but I am sure they were evident) before he finally admitted that he wished he never met her and had married me instead. I told him I would only be with him if he left her as I wasn't going to be his woman on the side (at the time I didn't know about emotional affairs) and a few weeks later he was signing the lease for a new place. I was so proud of him. I made him wait a month before we had our first date so that he could be sure it was what he wanted. Well two months later I was stupidly moving in with him. I found out he was still in contact with her the day after I moved in. He claimed it was about the divorce. They were on the phone far too often for my comfort. Then about three weeks after that he up and leaves because he is confused and needs space. Of course, he's right back with her. A month later he's begging for me to take him back. He's made a horrible mistake, yada yada yada. After that fiasco, I give him one last chance. Seven months later he leaves again, only this time there were no signs and I was heartbroken as I had allowed myself to be vulnerable to him. He was such a coward that he left in the middle of the night and left all his things there and never came back for them. I find out through a mutual acquaintance that he never stopped sleeping with her. The next time he called me I told him to lose my number because I found a new boyfriend who wasn't so messed up in the head. My new man and I have been together ever since and we have a little girl together. He doesn't call enough for me to call it harassment and file for an RO. He goes months between calls but he intrudes on my life often enough that it's making me miserable. I don't know why I didn't see that he obviously had a screw (or two) loose if he would choose to stay in a long term relationship with a woman like her. He's broken and I certainly can't fix him. I just want him to go away but he insists we are soul mates and will spend the rest of his life trying to make things right between us. What a load of bull.
whichwayisup Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 See he isn't going to stop so you need to stop letting it get to you. The ball is in your court right now! YOU have the power to control your thoughts, feelings and reactions when it comes to him. SO what if he calls ya? If you learn to not care, not let it bug you, don't react - NOTHING, he'll eventually give up or realize he's a big loser for chasing someone for so long who isn't interested!
pureinheart Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Your right, he isn't right in the head....and also is a "coward".... Can anyone tell me why the MM in some cases won't let go????? Outside of the fact they don't want to loose their "side deal", can someone give me some wisdom concerning this. I used to think the reason he wouldn't let go was because he loved me that much....( gotta go get sick....oh how discusting that I thought that). Their drivers are anything but love...what is it? Whichwayisup is entirely correct.....I have to tell you though, these control freaks don't give up easy....it's so annoying when your landline and cell is blown up daily....sometimes 30 calls.... Well ya know guest we are free and no matter what they do it does not take away that fact.
Guest Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 SO what if he calls ya? If you learn to not care, not let it bug you, don't react - NOTHING, he'll eventually give up or realize he's a big loser for chasing someone for so long who isn't interested! It's more than just phone calls.... he has shown up at my mother's house (said he missed her and then tried to grill her for information about me and gave her all this ridiculous information about how much better my life would be if I gave him another chance because he's so rich and successful now. He would give me the moon and the stars, blah blah blah), my job (in which he didn't come up to me but watched me from afar, yuck!), my best friend's house (telling her he desperately needed to talk to me. He asked her to help him win me back! WTF!) ..... but the police don't do anything about it. I would move to another state but my entire family is here including my mom who's going through a major illness right now and needs me here with her. Not to mention my fiance loves his job and works at a small company with no branches. I feel like I have to just suck it up because I brought this jerk into my life. I hate him. I really do. I hate that I have to worry that one day he might snap and do something crazy. He is not mentally stable. You don't go after someone for this long who has stopped all contact with you years ago without being touched in the head.
whichwayisup Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Well your mom has to ignore him too and if he still pesters her, then she SHOULD call the police! What he is doing IS harrassment! Keep track of all this stuff, and make sure you do go talk to someone at the police station, so they have some of this on record.
Recommended Posts