Maria33 Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 If a woman has sex with a man soon after meeting him, like the 1st or 2nd date, does he lose interest quicker? Or does it not have anything to do with whether you stay interested in her or not? Or does it bring them closer together sooner? I would like to know what men's experiences with this have been. Girls, you might have some experience with this too. What do you think?
someone2 Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I guess it depends on the man. Not all men are the same, you know But, personally, I have to admit I'd think less of a girl that makes love to me on 1st or 2nd date. Lots of my friends do think completely otherwise. They think it brings them closer much faster. So, it just depends on the guy
crazzzzzyyy Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I dont think a woman should be worried that he will lose interest in you sooner .... however some say that the more you "invest" (be patient) in the relationship to more you value it (keep interest). Sex isn't the problem if he doesn't treat you like a 1 night stand. Some people are just quick in beginning relationships, but they dont necessarily lose interest quicker. Keep observing, trust and respect is more important than sex and time shows what he really thinks..
MassiveAtom Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I dont think a woman should be worried that he will lose interest in you sooner .... however some say that the more you "invest" (be patient) in the relationship to more you value it (keep interest). Sex isn't the problem if he doesn't treat you like a 1 night stand. Some people are just quick in beginning relationships, but they dont necessarily lose interest quicker. Keep observing, trust and respect is more important than sex and time shows what he really thinks.. I don't even kiss a girl on the first date. Usually my first dates are for coffee during the day, or something along those lines. How do I know I even like her yet? let alone give her the pleasure of seeing my rockin' sexy self nakey!? BUTT, it really depends on the man, AND the woman. Although it DOES create questions for both after a quick "coital connection";)
chill chic Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 If a woman has sex with a man soon after meeting him, like the 1st or 2nd date, does he lose interest quicker? Or does it not have anything to do with whether you stay interested in her or not? Or does it bring them closer together sooner? I would like to know what men's experiences with this have been. Girls, you might have some experience with this too. What do you think? It's confusing, believe me
Road Rage Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Just look at it this way, if a guy might think less of you for having sex on the first few dates, and some do. And you don`t know which guys think that way. And considering that if a guy is interested in you he would probably wait for months. Doesn`t it make sense to just wait to be on the safe side?
amerikajin Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 If a woman has sex with a man soon after meeting him, like the 1st or 2nd date, does he lose interest quicker? Or does it not have anything to do with whether you stay interested in her or not? Or does it bring them closer together sooner? I would like to know what men's experiences with this have been. Girls, you might have some experience with this too. What do you think? It's not an ironclad rule, but generally, yes, that's too soon. It's not like there's some kind of rule, but in my experience, if a girl gives it up too early, before there's a true emotional connection established on some level, then I lose interest. I subconsciously tend to put her in category of f*ck partner. But it depends. If I've known the girl for a while as a friend and then it turned into something more, that's entirely different than some girl I just met last week and happened to shag tonight. In the case of the former, there's probably already been some kind of emotional or psychological connection established. I think that's critical to determining if there's anything that ever develops from the sex. In a good relationship, sex consummates a romantic connection; in the case of two people who go home and shag the night after they meet, it's pure potluck as to whether or not anything develops. And as I said, even if she's got a lot of what I'm looking for in a woman otherwise, I've probably already categorized her as a fark friend.
glitter Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I have problems with holding off too. It seems really manipulative to me, and the thought of making him wait for me just for the sake of it makes my skin crawl. It's mainly because I'm quite straight-up honest and I like to know where I stand. However, if you're OK with holding off then do so - the boys love it!
Author Maria33 Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 It sounds like it's different for everybody. I know the 1st or 2nd date is really too soon. But, I also know that things just happen sometimes. I don't understand how the emotional part is so different for men and women. For a woman, if we have sex, it makes us feel closer to that person. But, for a man, it seems that if there isn't a strong connection there already, they might not get emotionally attached to that person. It is so confusing to know what to do! Thanks for your input.
TYASAFAHICSI Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 For me, I enjoy the thrill of the hunt. I have had a few experiences with sex on the 1st or 2nd date, but I do tend to lose interest (not necessarily respect) with these women. I probably them move them into the booty call classification. But that is just me
johan Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Every situation is different. Every woman is different. The bottom line for me is that I have to have respect for the woman. She could be naked within five minutes of our first meeting, or she could hold out for 6 months. Neither of those things is going to make a difference in the long term, if the respect is missing. And they won't make a difference the other way either.
glitter Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I have problems with holding off too. It seems really manipulative to me, and the thought of making him wait for me just for the sake of it makes my skin crawl. It's mainly because I'm quite straight-up honest and I like to know where I stand. However, if you're OK with holding off then do so - the boys love it!
Trialbyfire Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 If you already know them well previous to the first date, I see no reason to hold off unless you're uncertain. If you've just met them, get to know them a little better before adding further complications.
Green Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I would lose interest in a girl playing mind games. If I was in some heat of the moment passion type thing where sex seemed like it was going to happen and then a girl pulled out because of some silly hold off till more dates rule I would lose interest. The answer to this question has to be have sex when you want to and be real. Dont play silly little games with jerk off guys who say they lose interst in a girl when they sleep with them to early. I mean by your logic you should also be asking yourself once you start having sex how much sex should you have in a month and do some math equation to figure out your respect levels.
TYASAFAHICSI Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 When Blowjobs>4 per month respect increases accordingly
amerikajin Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 The point isn't that there's some magical rule or timing; it's that there has to be time for some kind of real connection to develop. As was alluded to earlier, men tend to separate the physical pleasures of sex from the emotional connection, whereas they are often, though not always, more closely intertwined with women. I could go out, find a woman to have sex with tonight or find someone I've met but don't know too well, shag them and not feel connected to them - and I'm sure that in a lot of cases, women would not necessarily feel connected to me in that situation either. But more often, women do develop that connection earlier when sex is involved. I think it gets back to gender roles and identity - men separate sex from feelings early on and tend to see it as a form or recreation before seeing it as the consummation of love. I totally agree that holding out for no reason is foolish - if there's a connection, go for it. I think the bottom line is that women have to get a feel for where their man is at. If they've known them for a while, even if they started dating them, it is entirely possible that an emotional connection has been made; it just depends. I think a woman with her wits about her and some maturity can feel that out. I definitely would be skeptical of a situation in which a guy and woman just met at a bar or in some other situation last week and were getting on tonight...I would think that's just hot sex from the guy's point of view. Not always the case, but probably in a majority of cases. You have to go with your gut.
Grrlish Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Honestly, I don't think that there's anyway to know ahead of time whether a man will have less respect for you if you sleep with them sooner, or not. However, I think that it's safe to assume that most men will not lose respect for you because you wait. If I choose to sleep with someone early-on, I realize at the same time that this might turn him away. Heh...I tend to take a guy less seriously if we sleep together early-on. Also, by the way, if you really like someone, the 3rd date is STILL pretty early to sleep with them. I dated my boyfriend several times before I slept with him. Has it made a difference in our relationship? I believe it has. Was it a game? Not at all. There was TONS of chemistry right off the bat. But I found him to be so interesting and decided that he might be someone that I might want to have a relationship with, so I put our getting to know each other in front of the chemistry. By the time the clothes came off, we were already crazy about each other. I was not only NOT in the market for a relationship at the time. I was anti-relationship at the time. So, meeting someone that grabbed my interest on that many levels was a big deal to me. And I wasn't going to blow it for a piece of tail. Bottomline Question: What do you have to lose by waiting?
Author Maria33 Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 Bottomline Question: What do you have to lose by waiting? Okay, next question. What if it already happened and you didn't wait awhile to have sex? What now? Have you lost your possibility of a real relationship with this person because you already slept with them? Or, is there still a chance that connection IS already there and the sex won't affect that? Is there a good way of asking a guy where you stand with them?
amerikajin Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Okay, next question. What if it already happened and you didn't wait awhile to have sex? What now? Have you lost your possibility of a real relationship with this person because you already slept with them? Or, is there still a chance that connection IS already there and the sex won't affect that? Is there a good way of asking a guy where you stand with them? It sounds like you've already invested some feelings in the relationship. Before you invest more, I'd find out where you stand. You're not going to jinx anything, you'll just find out where you stand and then you'll have to take it from there.
rainfall Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 If a guy is gonna judge me and think less of me because I slept with him on the second date then he isn't really worth another second of my time anyway. He was right there with me having sex so he is in no place to judge me. My experience with this though is I slept with my bf on our second date and we have been together for 6 years now. So it worked out fine for us.
amerikajin Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 If a guy is gonna judge me and think less of me because I slept with him on the second date then he isn't really worth another second of my time anyway. He was right there with me having sex so he is in no place to judge me. My experience with this though is I slept with my bf on our second date and we have been together for 6 years now. So it worked out fine for us. Certainly there are cases - probably a lot - were couples hit it off and get into it right off the bat. I agree that there are no 'rules' per se. But... ...I do find that more often than not, giving it up within the first date or two often means that they've had sex at the interest stage, but not necessarily at the connection stage. Essentially, there's either going to be a connection or there's not going to be a connection - that is probably immaterial with respect to the question of whether to have sex. The reason I would wait a few dates to drop the panties if I were a woman is, seeing it from my perspective as a guy, I can have sex without developing a connection - a woman might want to get a better feel for whether or not someone is just there for a booty call or whether the feelings are real - that's all. There's no magic number of dates. In your case it was two dates, and six years later it's obvious your instincts after the second date were right; in many cases, though, a second date is not enough time to gauge where a man's mind is at. Men typically think of sex first and connection second, as most guys here will attest. Is that ALL men? No, but certainly many.
laRubiaBonita Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 personally.... i think less of a guy that will let Me have sex with Them on a 1st date. it leads me to believe they are man-whores.
Guest Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I completely hear you... that's the reason I'm on this site. I had a long-time crush on a guy, tracked down his e-mail, contacted him, and finally met him two weeks ago. There was undeniable chemistry. I was a little guarded upon first meeting him, but I thought I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. We shook hands (it was cute) when I left, and then he called me quite a bit. I agreed to meet him again (at his house - again) two days ago. The second time I met him, I started getting really into him - there seemed to be signs that he was the one for me everywhere. I ended up drinking nearly a whole bottle of wine and got pretty tipsy. I haven't had sex in like two years, but I was so attracted to him and felt such a connection that I ended up doing it with him. It was amazing - maybe the best sex of my life - no joke (granted, it has been a while). However - and this has never happened to me - I think he hit my "spot", because I drenched the sheets - I mean DRENCHED the sheets. It was the most incredible orgasm of my life. I'm worried that this might have scared him off. He asked me if I peed, which I am 100 percent certain I did not. I left at 3am, told him that I would call him, and then called him at 8pm that next evening. He didn't answer - which is not like him. I left him a generic message saying that I hoped he had a good day at work and that he was able to stay awake that day and that I hoped to hear from him soon. It has now been 24 hours since my call, and he hasn't called me back. I am CRUSHED. Devastated, even. I've never done anything like that before - I don't sleep around and, therefore, don't take sex lightly. Now I am sitting here absolutely miserable, drowning in my tears, because I feel so stupid and duped. I just don't get it. He knew it had been two years since I've been with anyone - do you think he's not interested because I was so "easy", or because of my crazy orgasm, or do you think he's just a guy out for sex? I'm so hurt - and I feel so stupid.
amaysngrace Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 do you think he's not interested because I was so "easy", or because of my crazy orgasm, or do you think he's just a guy out for sex? I'm so hurt - and I feel so stupid. I think you blew it with this guy. Not blew it, BLEW it, if you did that he'd be calling but I think your whole relationship was doomed from day one. You said you tracked down his email cause you were crushing on him. That is freaky. It's sort of stalker behaviour, if you ask me. Then you said you saw signs everywhere that you two were meant to be together. Um, that is weird. You barely knew each other. He liked you enough to get laid. And so he did. But there's a lot of men out there who prefer the hunt and not the kill. He killed you quickly. There was no challenge. Not much anyway. Now you're crying over a guy you barely know. That sounds really freaky too. How on earth can you become so attached to someone after so little time? That says a lot about your mental state I hate to say. The best thing you can do is learn from all of this. Next time you meet someone take the time to make a genuine connection. Don't be so eager to have a connection that you think the things that mean nothing mean something. There's a lot of guys who will take it if you're willing to give it. Just learn for the future.
Author Maria33 Posted November 26, 2006 Author Posted November 26, 2006 I It has now been 24 hours since my call, and he hasn't called me back. I am CRUSHED. Devastated, even. I've never done anything like that before - I don't sleep around and, therefore, don't take sex lightly. Now I am sitting here absolutely miserable, drowning in my tears, because I feel so stupid and duped. I just don't get it. He knew it had been two years since I've been with anyone - do you think he's not interested because I was so "easy", or because of my crazy orgasm, or do you think he's just a guy out for sex? I'm so hurt - and I feel so stupid. It has only been one day. Dont get upset yet. He might actually be busy and hasn't had time to call. Guys don't think like we do. They don't think "Oh, we had sex last night, I better call her and let her know I still like her". He will call when he gets a chance. But, when he does, play it cool. Don't start drilling him about where he was or what he was doing. You had sex but you're not married to him, that will scare him off. Now, I can tell you these things but I have the same problem doing them! We all do. So, don't beat yourself up about it. You had sex because you wanted to and you aren't usually like that. That's okay. It happens. I know, it happened to me too and I couldn't believe it either. My guy hasn't called since I saw him last on Thanksgiving. So I know how you feel. But, just give him the benefit of the doubt. If by chance he doesn't call, he's not right for you anyway. You deserve better. Just keep telling yourself that, okay!? And, I'll try to keep telling myself that too!
Recommended Posts