eternally confused Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 hi , this is the first time I am expressing my self,I hope you can appreciate this, four years back I was secretly engaged to my boyfriend of 3 years, but due to lack of confidence in him or his abilities(yet I loved him) I went ahead and married somebody else ...I have been married for 4 years now, and never a day goes when I don't repent for my shortsightedness and hasty decision..even though my ex is not around but i can feel him everywhere ...but in these 4 years, I was not in touch with my ex thinking he is mad at me and hates me, but just few weeks back we spoke to each and realized that we still love each other .....but he is also married and has a kid ..but we know we are perfect for each other ...I am ready to leave my husband(since I wasn't mentally truthful to him ) but he doesn't want to leave his wife just because he has a kid ... but at the same time wants to continue our relationship secretly , which is bothering me and I don't want to live in sin by having this secret relationship, but he has all the justifications why we should still see each other despite of being married to different people, I get carried away by his reasoning and I am scared that I might commit adultery(which is another sin) ...I really love him and he loves me, what do I do in this situation ...we get only one life to live our dreams, I don't want to die unhappy, I want his love and yet his solution is not acceptable to me ...please..please suggest ....
amaysngrace Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Everything happens for a reason. You chose to marry someone else and you need to believe that you knew what you were doing. That is was the very best decision for yourself. Life's too short to live with regret.
Green Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Nothing happens has no point, life isn't long enough to wallow. Cheer up pal
Moose Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Well, at least you haven't committed the physical act yet..... Sounds like to me you're really concerned more so with your soul, and that's always good news. You're married now. There's nothing you can do about that without creating more resentment for damaging yet another person. Cut your losses with your ex, and walk back to your husband before you do something that you'll REALLY be sorry for....
HoldOn Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Sounds to me like you haven't considered all the pain you might cause. Not only to your H and his W, but also the little person involved. Yes, it is a shame to die unhappy. But you already made this bed and you have to lie in it. There is no turning back the clock. You have to move on with the decisions already made. You have two choices actually. 1.) work on your marriage 2.) abandon it. If you want your marriage to work, continuing conversations with your ex is a very bad idea. Also, if you abandon your marriage, it doesn't sound like your ex is willing to abandon his. No matter what his reasons are (he claims its the kid), he is not willing to give it all up for you. Therefore, I would recommend ending the conversations with ex and concentrating on your marriage. Sometimes when you are not feeling love toward your SO, it helps to just express love, then the feelings actually become stronger. Instead of spending your time and energy thinking about the ex, you should spend time thinking how to make your marriage stronger.
LakesideDream Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Is there really a question here? You chose your current husband, and made a baby, ditto for your ex. Both of you need to suck it up, and raise the children you created. The misbehavior is yours, not your current spouses or children. It's really becoming disgusting to see how little concern there is for children and "others" in search of the "ultimate happiness" or a "soul mate". When your children are grown... do what you want to. In the meantime be a responsible adult... please.
Author eternally confused Posted November 26, 2006 Author Posted November 26, 2006 LakeSideDream , you are right , we need to suck up everything for these kids, but at the same time living with the guilt of emotional infidelity and regretting your thoughtless out of which one does a mistake is tough.....often its easier for the person who gets betrayed to move on in life than for the person who betrays and realises the damage he caused on others, that's really really heavy on soul and we feel like doing everything to undo that if there's an opportunity ..the thought of making my ex happy , because of what I did to him is so much in my system that I feel I should do anything and everything to make up for my misdeed ..but again I might commit another blunder for which I need to repent the same way as I am doing now ...thanks but, you were harsh but true, appreciate that...I need to overcome these thoughts ..which is tough for me as of now ..
Anka Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 No two people are 'made' for eachother. You choose to love. You choose to make relationd work and be satisfied. Life is not a romance novel. You have a responsiblity to your husband, and if you feel you havent been honest, and was to hasty, he deserves to know that. And you need to leave MM alone, NOTHING good will come of that. He has already made it clear he has no intentions of leaving his wife. And its never just for the kids, all MM say that. Cut contact with MM, before you get involved in something really bad. If you are done with your marriage, fine, be done with it. Get a divorce and find a SG.
Recommended Posts