PandorasBox Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 So a friend of mine is in counseling and has been for awhile now. Things seem to be better for her, but recently she went to see her counselor who she thinks has really helped her. She says to me, that when she went to talk with him the other day, she told him she was sorry for bringing up the same ol things over and over again and that seems she always rehashes. Her counselor then says to her, "Its fine, its your dime." Well she said she understood what he was saying, but she said it was kind of the way he said it, almost like, its your dime (meaning its your time your half hour etc) because its a free service so shes owes him no dime. But she felt it was kind of a brush off, as in, "you're right we have been over this time and time again either do what you need to do or don't, frankly i'm tired of hearing it" kind of attitude. So if a counselor said to you, "Its your dime." would you feel offended? Personally, even though I understand where he is coming from, it seemed kind of unprofessional to me. He could have said, "Its ok, its not a problem go ahead." Might would sound a little better.
amaysngrace Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 So if a counselor said to you, "Its your dime." would you feel offended? No, not if I were the type of person who tends to dwell on the same problem and not figure out the answer. Or, if I were one who frequently repeated myself. If I were that type of person, I'd maybe be insulted enough to subconsciously change my ways.
IpAncA Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I've never heard that phrase before. Normally it's "It's your time." Yeah I would be a little because I know that I'm paying them to talk about things but saying a phrase like doesn't come off right. Makes it sound like they don't really care or saying "thats ok your paying for this not me." There are better ways to say things like that.
Walk Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Rationally, she has no reason to be insulted. She's the one that put effort into going, she has to rearrange her schedule to go, put forth energy to show up and talk about the same thing. If she wants to talk about the exact same thing every time she goes, then who's time is she wasting? Hers? Only if she feels it's wasted time. The counselor? Doesn't he have to be there anyway? What else is he going to do, play solitar on the computer while he waits for his next appointment. He gets paid to sit and listen, no matter if it's the same exact thing he's heard for the past 27 months, or something new... it's the same pay. He's not going to make any money sitting at home watching tv. She isn't wasting his time. she told him she was sorry for bringing up the same ol things over and over again and that seems she always rehashes. If she feels insulted then its because she feels like she's wasting his time. But I was under the impression the saying "it's your dime" came from the cost of a pay phone long ago.. and if you paid to make the call, then you got to talk about whatever you wanted. Phrase. Definition dependent on context. Typically means, "You're paying for the telephone call...": 1. "I'll listen to what you say," 2. "say what you want," or 3. "place the call if you think it's necessary." The phrase is a relic from a period when telephone calls placed from a coin-operated pay phone cost $.10
whichwayisup Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Well, my question first of all is, why is the therapist not helping her? It's not only to sit and listen, but also to help the person cope, deal with, face whatever it is and get over it. Seems her therapist isn't doing a very good job on that! But she felt it was kind of a brush off, as in, "you're right we have been over this time and time again either do what you need to do or don't, frankly i'm tired of hearing it" kind of attitude. Then your friend needs to find another therapist. To me, that's bullsheeyt! The therapist isn't doing the job properly if your friend is still having the same issue and it's not resolved!
Author PandorasBox Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 He gets paid to sit and listen, no matter if it's the same exact thing he's heard for the past 27 months, or something new... it's the same pay. Most do, but as I stated in the first post, he doesn't even get paid. He works for a a free counseling service. Maybe thats part of it, maybe he feels that since he doesn't get paid, if he has to listen to the same thing over and over again he wishes he got paid. Oh well, go get a job that pays. Anyway, I think to her its more along the lines of HOW he said it. Sometimes its not what people say but how they say it.
SandDollar Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Anyway, I think to her its more along the lines of HOW he said it. Sometimes its not what people say but how they say it. No, it's much more how people interpret what others say. He was trying to make light of it - to make a little joke. She already felt she was 'wasting his time' (an incorrect assumption) so then proceeded to think that he agreed with her (another incorrect assumption). Whether or not he's paid, his job is to listen to people and clearly one of her issues is that she isn't getting over her issues. That's what he's there to try to help. It was just a joke.
JackJack Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 She should come right out and ask him what he means, instead of guessing or trying to figure out where he is coming from. He may tell her what she wants to hear, then again he may tell her the truth behind his comment. No one really knows for sure but him. If it bothers her though then she either need to ask him or find another counselor.
blind_otter Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 He gets paid to sit and listen, no matter if it's the same exact thing he's heard for the past 27 months, or something new... it's the same pay. Most do, but as I stated in the first post, he doesn't even get paid. He works for a a free counseling service. Maybe thats part of it, maybe he feels that since he doesn't get paid, if he has to listen to the same thing over and over again he wishes he got paid. Oh well, go get a job that pays. Anyway, I think to her its more along the lines of HOW he said it. Sometimes its not what people say but how they say it. 90% of therapeutic effort needs to come from the patient. He's basically telling her that she needs to make the steps to move forward. If she talks about the same thing over and over again, obviously she's treading water inside her head. That is her choice. Every time I visit my therapist I bring a list of issues I've considered over the time since our last visit. I bring books I've read, or underlined passages. I bring something to the table because I am hungry to make progress. If she doesn't do the work, nothing will ever come of her therapy.
whichwayisup Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 90% of therapeutic effort needs to come from the patient. What you put into therapy is what you get out of it. Bottom line, if your friend wants to get past all her issues, then she has to work her butt off! Saying the same thing over and over again isn't helping her progress.
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