Guest Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Okay so my girlfriend is a pretty small girl, smaller than most girls i am normally interested in (about 125 lbs) or at least she was when we met, and ive always been very attracted to her, and we both are currently in our first year of college. So she has been very worried she is going to gain weight at school and has barely been eating anything, and ive slowly noticed her losing weight, and I always tell her she needs to eat. We recently came home for thanksgiving break and her whole family has said she looks much skinnier, and she told me she lost about 8 or 9 pounds. The more i look at her the more i realize that i am less attracted to her than I was, and i was just wondering if u guys think that it is wrong of me to tell her she should be eating and pretty much to gain a little more weight, cause its not just that she is losing weight but she is also eating about 1 meal a day, and i think that at the rate she is going for the rest of the year she is going to keep losing weight and i am worried that i will not be attracted to her. Well just let me know if u guys think it is wrong of me to tell her about how i feel. (which i sort of have, but not 100%, ive just mentioned it a little).
amaysngrace Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Does she complain that she's fat when she's like a size 3?
IpAncA Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I can't believe your worried about wether or not you will be attracted to her. Is that all that matters to you is how much she weighs or looks? That's not a wise idea to tell her you want to her gain weight or that your not attracted to her because she is losing weight. That might mess her up in the head. When I was in college I went down to a size 2 (still am) because of school, dorm food (that sucked), looking at other people's figures, and walking like 4 hours a day to classes and back. It's so stressful that sometimes you just don't feel like eating or you forget. Pretty much everyone loses weight while in college. You probably have too.
Green Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I really dont think theres much you can do, I mean if you call her parents and tell them your woried about her wieght loss she's probably just going to be annoyed and break up with you. If I were you I would just let her deal with it, and if it really bothers you just break up with her. Your not going to be able to solve this one with a simple eat please and gain more weight.
Walk Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I know college will really challenge a persons self-esteem. Heck I'm pretty confident in myself and I still sometimes have those days at college where I start bashing myself that i weight too much. (i'm about 119lb) I think you might be able to offset this somewhat, but ultimately it's up to her to figure out what's really important in life. We have it rammed down our throats that being anorexic is the ONLY way to look.. My bf tells me he loves me with more meat on my bones. He compliments me about my "fat", in nice ways. Like expresses appreciation for how my belly looks, or my butt, or whatever. And how it's more comfortable to snuggle up with a woman who's not jabbing you with hip bones all the time. But ultimately, this is about her self-esteem. How she views her body, and how she believes society judges her based on her body. She's trying to fit in, to be valued, accepted. You can talk to her about healthy eating, about valuing herself for her abilities and not the numbers on a scale. But if she doesn't want to listen, then there's not much you can do really... You could also tell her that you are attracted to "healthy" looking women. Women who don't look like skeletons. Point out women who are too skinny and comment on it. Start gushing about how they really need a cake, and its so sad that they are too poor to eat. If she points out skinny women she thinks are good looking, tell her flat out that you do not find that attractive. It's one thing to want to be healthy. But it's an unhealthy mentality to lose weight just to "fit in" with what tv and magazines shove down women's throats everyday. She's getting slammed with images of skinny women labeled as "hot", let her know your opinion of what these women really look like to you. Worst case scenario, she won't agree and will continue to try to look like those women. Best case scenario, she might start to understand that real men don't agree that skeletons look sexy.
Kamille Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I think you are more concerned about her insecurities then her actual figure. I mean, you are even hesitant to say that you find her maybe a bit less attractive and you only truly realized she had lost weight when you went to her family's place for Thanksgiving. So if I were you I would not focus so much on bringing up the topic of her potential body image issues. More on trying to bring out that confident woman you know she is. Make her feel like a million bucks. i'm sure you know how. Many women I know and even a few man I know sometimes go through cyclic body-image crisis. I've found it's often about having control over something related to one's image in a time of change and stress. Be her rock. She's probably just craving stability. It's not clear to me that she actually ever admitted that she was trying to loose weight. So who knows, maybe she isn't trying and is just overwhelmed with college life. You can ask her why she thinks she is loosing weight right now. Or did you ask and that is when she said she was afraid to gain weight?
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