Guest Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 If your married or your engaged to be married, do you think its acceptable to hand out in a bar for night with the Girls. My fiance is always getting mad and tells me its bad news and says he doesn't want to marry someone like that. 2 examples. My friend (best) opened a clothing store and we went from 7-10 at the store then to rest/bar till 12:30 with all girls for drinks and apt. next, Made thanksgiving stuffing with 2 cousins for 4 1/2 hours then went to Martini Blue(bar) for 3 hours for drinks to unwind! would you be made? He is crazy right>
anna13 Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I think there is nothing wrong with unwinding with the girls at the bar Just as it is alright if he hangs out with his friends at the bar for a few hours to unwind. I guess it just depends on behavior. If you are just hanging out with the girls and that is it , talking story and having a good time for a few hours I dont see anything wrong , but if you are dancing with men and flirting with other men that is a different story. but it depends on your relationship with your fiance. It could be that he is insecure and just doesnt trust you even though your not doing anything wrong,. that could be another issue all together. My general rule is I would be comfortable doing whatever I would be comfortable my finace was doing . . you got every right to hang out with the gals .
Kamille Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 If your married or your engaged to be married, do you think its acceptable to hand out in a bar for night with the Girls. My fiance is always getting mad and tells me its bad news and says he doesn't want to marry someone like that. 2 examples. My friend (best) opened a clothing store and we went from 7-10 at the store then to rest/bar till 12:30 with all girls for drinks and apt. next, Made thanksgiving stuffing with 2 cousins for 4 1/2 hours then went to Martini Blue(bar) for 3 hours for drinks to unwind! would you be made? He is crazy right> I really don't understand why he would get mad. Sounds to me like there are some underlying trust issues. Do you have any idea what might be at the root of them?
Ladyjane14 Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 If your married or your engaged to be married, do you think its acceptable to hand out in a bar for night with the Girls. My fiance is always getting mad and tells me its bad news and says he doesn't want to marry someone like that. 2 examples. My friend (best) opened a clothing store and we went from 7-10 at the store then to rest/bar till 12:30 with all girls for drinks and apt. next, Made thanksgiving stuffing with 2 cousins for 4 1/2 hours then went to Martini Blue(bar) for 3 hours for drinks to unwind! would you be made? He is crazy right> No.. He doesn't sound "crazy" to me. He sounds a bit insecure.., and his insecurity is coming out as CRAZY. In reality though, he's asking to have an emotional need met. If you want to keep him, your best bet would actually be to try to reassure him that he doesn't have anything to worry about. Sometimes that might mean inviting him along. Sometimes it might mean checking in by phone frequently. Sometimes it might mean coming in earlier than you really wanted to. You probably won't want to back down and allow "controlling" behavior, but you should probably be aware that these insecurities feel REAL to him. So... here he is, feeling like he's got this big, huge problem, and it's not getting addressed. Meeting him halfway is kind of like pouring WATER on the bonfire of his jealousy, rather than GASOLINE. You might not put the fire out all in one fell swoop... but it's a start.
Antha Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I don't know. How often do you go out? Not that often?
dgiirl Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 LJ gave some excellent advice. I think it really depends on how frequently you go. If it's frequent, I would be upset too. Traditionally, a bar is for social gathering, and to meet new people. Bars are a very easy place to pick people up, and although you might not be doing anything wrong, I'm sure lots of guys approach you. This would make me insecure unless you dont go out that frequent, or i'm invited to tag along. Why must you guys always go to bars? Cant you go out for coffee or something during the day? I think when you are in a relationship, it's important to consider the other parties feelings. Your bf is feeling insecure and instead of addressing it, you're calling him crazy. Doesnt sound very productive or healthy.
Xhie Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Why don't you just invite him to go with you? I don't understand "girls night out" or "guys night out", shouldnt you enjoy spending time with your significant other more then just some friend type people? I would much rather do things with my bf then anyone else.
anna13 Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I think it is good to have your own life too . but i think including your F in your outings once in a while will make him feel better, because he will feel like he know who you are with and what happens there. also , your posting in the seperationa and divorce thread.. are you considering leaving your fiance?
XNemesisX Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 My boyfriend and I have had some pretty huge arguments over the issue of going to bars with friends. We finally came to the conclusion that we will only go to bars when the other is also present. Every now and then, he slips though. I normally don't have a problem with it if it is during the day and just with a few of his male friends. At night - not so much. So...I do see where your fiance is coming from. Sometimes, you have to make compromises when you are in a relationship. I associate bar hopping to be a singles thing - but going as a couple with friends is definitely fine. Why don't you just invite him to tag along?
Trialbyfire Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Perhaps you should ask him what bothers him the most about you going out to bars. Is it: 1. He doesn't drink or drink much, therefore has concerns. 2. He's concerned about what happens at the bars, messing around with guys. 3. He doesn't believe in girls going out without their men. When you find out what bothers him, you can address it/them.
amerikajin Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Whatever happened to trust? If someone can't trust you to go out to a bar with friends, I would seriously question the strength of that relationship. I would not want my fiancee telling me I can't go out for a drink with my guy friends once in a while. If it were three nights a week I could understand - it's a lot of time away from your partner, and it's also expensive. But if it's just once in a while, you need to get this straightened out. Seriously, you might want to consider postponing your marriage until you have a clear idea of what's expected of each other.
Rooster_DAR Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I think a boys night out or girls night out is acceptable and a good thing. As long as it's not with a member of the opposite sex, and it doesn't happen too often.
Guest Posted January 13, 2007 Posted January 13, 2007 If your married or your engaged to be married, do you think its acceptable to hand out in a bar for night with the Girls. My fiance is always getting mad and tells me its bad news and says he doesn't want to marry someone like that. 2 examples. My friend (best) opened a clothing store and we went from 7-10 at the store then to rest/bar till 12:30 with all girls for drinks and apt. next, Made thanksgiving stuffing with 2 cousins for 4 1/2 hours then went to Martini Blue(bar) for 3 hours for drinks to unwind! would you be made? He is crazy right> I think going out with the girls now and then should not be a problem. Just because you are in a relationship, does not mean you should blow off your friends. Who do you think you'll have there for you if you and your ex breakup. Be sure to spend time with your close friends and make "bonding" time for them too. He needs to do the same. It's healthy to have a life outside your relationship with friends if you are honest and open with your partner about what you are doing and who you are with. It's healthy to have your own hobbies, friends, and life outside of relationship too. Of course your b/f should come first but he needs to get over this or it will only get worse. Plus having a "life" outside the relationship will give you two something to talk about at night watching tv together. )
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