Krying Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Yesterday was a tough day for me to get through. This morning I woke up at 3am and couldn't get my ex out of my head. Tomorrow was going to be our wedding day . A week after that, it's my birthday. Add to that Thanksgiving, both my parents birthdays, and Christmas and maybe you'll understand why I'm so down right now. Anyway, I'm dead tired, but have to say right now my head is just spinning. I could not help but think of my ex all morning. I know it's bad to reminisce, and go over in your mind the good times past with a loved one. I simply can't help it. It's the only way I can have my ex in my life anymore. I'm in agony as I type this as I'm not supposed to be feeling this way! It's supposed to get better with time. I've gone NC and have tried to not hear anything from friends about my ex. That kind of took care of itself anyway. Once she got married she dropped off the face of the earth and stopped all contact with longtime friends, so even if I wanted to know stuff it wasn't going to happen. Why is this happening? I've read things from people saying we want what we can't have. Maybe this is it. My love for my ex, has only grown since she left me. I'm freaking out now as I can't continue to live like this anymore. I love her unlike anything ever in my life. I'm also scared that any new relationship I'm lucky enough to be involved in will be with me carrying baggage. That I will be comparing everything, intimacy, sex, even minute things, with my ex. I didn't just love this girl, she really was the girl of my dreams. As cliche ridden as that sounds, I had truly in my heart found the person I had so long been looking and yearning to share my life with. I think I'm crazy. I should not be feeling this way for her as strongly as I do, yet it's getting more intense as the days go by.
shawn_68 Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 I'm also scared that any new relationship I'm lucky enough to be involved in will be .... If there is anything "wrong" with you is that your confidence has taken a beating. How about the perspective that a woman may just be lucky to be involved with someone like YOU. This is typical when you're the dumpee. We've all been there to some degree. But the best way out of this is to know that YOU are the prize. It is her loss for dumping you and someday she'll regret it. If she ever lets you in on her secret, you'll be miles away on a new adventure. I didn't just love this girl, she really was the girl of my dreams. No. She was just a girl. A girl that you loved and she was unable to return the feelings. It was her choice and she'll have to live with her decision. She is replaceable. I think I'm crazy. I should not be feeling this way for her as strongly as I do, yet it's getting more intense as the days go by. It's all a matter of perspective. More importantly confidence in yourself. I've tried to give you another perspective on how to view your thoughts. Pay attention to what you're saying to yourself. Build your self-worth.
shawn_68 Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Tomorrow was going to be our wedding day . A week after that, it's my birthday. Add to that Thanksgiving, both my parents birthdays, and Christmas and maybe you'll understand why I'm so down right now. I didn't mean to gloss over the fact that you're having a hard time. And it looks like it will be difficult for a little bit longer. Just realize that this is a season of time. It's ok to be down for now. But this time in your life will pass. You do have to start rebuilding your life without her. A life that can be as great as you choose it to be. Think of the possibilities, decide what you want, and go after it.
socialight Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 one thing I have come to understand, or atleast, believe, since my ex bailed on me for a mindless fling, is that there isn't just 1 person out there with which we can be happy for the rest of our lives. There are thousand, millions, of them. If you are a christian, then the focus of this life is preparing yourself and living in a way to better yourself in heaven. I have found, after 2 months, that if I just focus on being the best person I can be, and serving and loving god first, then the issue of findin g a life partner will take care of itself. This may sound really corny but it has helped immensley for me. I filled the void created by her departure with focus on serving and living for other people. Now I find myself getting introduced and getting dates (first dates anyway) with people who I would have thought were way out my league while I was with my ex. Cruelly self reinforcing but the more you sweat it the more you will suffer and the more you respond in a positive way the sooner you will recover. Trails and tribulations can lead to a life of triumph, if you respond correctly.
justagirlforever Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Krying, I've just read through some of your posts, and it sounds like you've been through an incredible rollercoaster! As much as I tried to see, I couldn't see this (out of interest): How old are both of you? How long have you two been together? When you met her, were you aware from the start about her ex? This won't make you feel any better, but I've been there (as many of us have been) with such intense-can't-let-go feelings. I once walked around for days and weeks like a zombie, crying practically non-stop. Feeling like my head was going to explode with all the thinking and at the same time inability to think! Do you have friends you can talk to? It's the best thing you could do - trust me. Get it off your chest - once, twice, 10 or twenty times - it doesn't matter. The more you get it out, the more you hear and understand yourself. My opinion - it sounds like she used you. Even though perhaps at the time she didn't know that herself. When things get too much, just stop. Stand still. Take a deep breath. Do something nice. Make a phone call and speak to a friend. And don't beat yourself up history.
Author Krying Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 Krying, I've just read through some of your posts, and it sounds like you've been through an incredible rollercoaster! As much as I tried to see, I couldn't see this (out of interest): How old are both of you? How long have you two been together? When you met her, were you aware from the start about her ex? This won't make you feel any better, but I've been there (as many of us have been) with such intense-can't-let-go feelings. I once walked around for days and weeks like a zombie, crying practically non-stop. Feeling like my head was going to explode with all the thinking and at the same time inability to think! Do you have friends you can talk to? It's the best thing you could do - trust me. Get it off your chest - once, twice, 10 or twenty times - it doesn't matter. The more you get it out, the more you hear and understand yourself. My opinion - it sounds like she used you. Even though perhaps at the time she didn't know that herself. When things get too much, just stop. Stand still. Take a deep breath. Do something nice. Make a phone call and speak to a friend. And don't beat yourself up history. I turn 32 next week and she's 27+. We were together for 7 months, but had been friends for a quite few years. She was not honest to me about her previous relationship when we first started. All the details only came out after we were together. While I was shocked to hear how far along her relationship was with her ex, she indicated in no uncertain terms it wasn't a good relationship and was so happy she was with me. As far as talking to friends, what few I have don't want to hear about it. They have all said I should be so happy I dodged the bullet that was my ex. So I keep my feelings to myself now and just nod along if they say something about her. Inside I'm simply heartbroken and want her back. I think she did use me. She used me to get her out of a bad situation in her own words. It appeared by all accounts she was very happy (a fact many people commented on, and had noticed her more positive outlook on life) with me. Then out of the blue, she leaves me saying she's not over her ex. 3 weeks later she was married to him and was pregnant. I think the pregnancy no doubt caused them to get married suddenly. No one I know gives them a chance of lasting in a longterm relationship, but who really knows. They could be together for years. Even with her being pregnant, I still want her back. I realize, yes there are others out there in this world, and there isn't just one person we can be with. However, my heart is only thinking of her. I've had a few girl friends of mine, try to date me since she left me and I just can't do it. I'm not over her by any means and don't want to put these girls into situations where I'm comparing. Also, I'm not actually attracted to any of them. A lot of my friends have been trying to fix me up with people. My heart is simply not into it.
gonetildecember Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I realize, yes there are others out there in this world, and there isn't just one person we can be with. However, my heart is only thinking of her. I've had a few girl friends of mine, try to date me since she left me and I just can't do it. I'm not over her by any means and don't want to put these girls into situations where I'm comparing. Also, I'm not actually attracted to any of them. A lot of my friends have been trying to fix me up with people. My heart is simply not into it. I can relate to this exactly. It's not like I haven't tried to get out, but the thought of being with someone else makes me sick, i actually cried when I guy I was out with tried to kiss me. I'm trying to get my ex back, but even if I don't, I'm not in any shape to get out there any try again- although some tell me it will speed up my healing process.. it's not fair to bring that sort of baggage into a relationship, nor will it be healthy for you- as you will always be comparing her to the ex... i don't know how to help what you're feeling.. but i understand it..
D-Lish Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 Hey krying, There's simply nothing you can do at the moment to have your ex back. With her being pregnant and married... well, that kind of solidifies the end of your time with her for now. What you CAN do is look after yourself, use this time to heal and work on yourself. Don't underestimate your ability to heal. You're obviously not ready to date or meet new girls at this time... so don't push it. There's no rush. Sometimes friends appear to be insensitive to your dilemma- but not because they don't care about what you're going through. It's because they see what YOU DON'T. It's because they do care about you that they want to see you move on from a relationship that was obviously destructive. Allow yourself to grieve for this person you have lost. We can't control who we love- as unfortunate as that is. Posting here, in a place like this is really healthy. It's been an integral part of my own healing process. (My friends don't want to hear about it anymore either...) lol. But it gets your feelings out- it's anonymous, and it's a safe place to vent. You're going to be okay. Glad you're getting out with your friends... and it must be nice to know (even if your'e not ready) that you're sought after. When you're ready, you'll be open to it. No hurry at the moment though. Just take it one step at a time. Wish you the best, D
JCD Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 I'm in a similar situation and I found some girl friends I could talk to and I feel better because of it. I think it was the loneliness and lack of companionship after she dumped me that took the toll on me. My friend also told me to grow some backbone and I've been trying to do that. I think we all use each other a bit. I think you are better off without her because you don't want a wife that still loves her ex more than you. You need to find a girl that loves you so you're not getting scraps and pieces but the whole pie. I'm always wary of girls that mention their ex, some are mature to get over them but most aren't even if their ex'es are bad for them. The girls just lost logic and are going on feelings.
Author Krying Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 Well that is Thanksgiving weekend over and done. Now the next hurdle is my birthday. D-Lish, I've lost weight since the breakup and I have to say I look good. Externally when I'm out and about, I'm positive and happy. Internally and especially when I'm alone, I'm a wreck. I'm sure I'm not the only one who goes about their daily routine like this now. What I'm scared of is holding onto her for years. I have a never say die attitude to life and I'm an optimist when at many times I should be a realist. I do really want to love again, I'm just really really scared this girl will remain with me emotionally for eternity. She doesn't deserve the love I gave her and the place she occupies in my heart, yet she's still there. I have a personality that mainly focuses on peoples good qualities and attributes. Despite how my ex treated me, my memories of her are all good ones. No wonder I can't give up my love for her! I simply can't get mad at her, let alone even hate her. It truly does suck to be a nice guy. We get the **** kicked out of us our whole lives and we keep coming back for more.
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