dunnowat2du Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 ok im a little young but i have a problem. I'm 17 years old and have been going out with my girlfriend for a little over 5 months. At first she actually didn't like me, and just wanted to go out once and get it over with i found out. but hey 5 months later says something. she ended up falling in love with me, and she never thought she could ever trust a guy again because of some of the things she went through with her step dad cheating on her mom and than leaving her, and her old boyfriends had all hurt her. She didn't think that she could ever get close to me. but she did, i was her first, and she was my first by the way. i thought we shared something, but now i found out that she doesn't love me anymore. she says for the past month she has been trying to love me, but just doesn't. see part of me believes it is all stress though. this month has been horrible for her. she has had to worry about everything, and she just got a job, and two weeks ago her cheating step dad ended the marriage to her mom. my girlfriend was very close to her step dad for a long time. She told me that it's not stress though. she says that were like an old married couple that doesn't do n e thing exciting. and i keep telling her: what the hell have we done in the past month!!!! we haven't had time to do anything!!! she says that we don't connect. but when we did connect it was when we actually went to the movies, and fairs, and were alone. and that just hasn't happened in the past month. she has also had issues of doubts, and getting scared, at one time it was getting to every week she would want space. (She is scared to get close, and talk about the future) but at one time we did talk about how we were going to get married, we were perfect. I treated her how she is supposed to be treated. she says that she used to feel that. and that was the past, and that she has changed, and that we have changed. she said the connection has been lost. but she doesn't understand that u cannot connect when u don't have the time to, and thats exactly the case with us. she also said that saying i love u felt like it was a chore now. I agree with her on that, it was said a bit too much. but anyway i love this girl to death, she is my angel, my princess, my everything!!!! i do want to marry her someday, and at one time she wanted that too. I have a feeling that she is just very confused and scared right now, and her friends say that she has always been paranoid to be in a long relationship. (By the way her previous relationships were only a month and a half) we are still together for now, but anything that i say she just turns around and looks at the negatives. she says that she has just giving up trying. but the thing is we never tried, she tried! i tell her we need to work on this problem, and that once we start doing things together again she will find the connection. my question is should i just let her break up with me, that is option one #2 break up with her first #3 take a month long break, with barley any contact to let her see she misses me. #4 keep trying to talk her out of it (probably a bad idea) #5 tell her that if she breaks up with me, if she wants me back i will always be there with open arms? i know i am young, very young but i am not the kind of guy that goes out with girls just a few times for fun. im the kind of guy that needs to know there is a future. to know that she will always be there. she told me that she is not in any way ready to settle down. but yet she talked about our future!!! our life together!!! is she just terrified right now?!? is she just confused??? is she scared??? i mean she has been very scared in the past. i kind of think that she is afraid to go any further because she herself doesn't want to get hurt, and i know she cant handle that. i even asked her if she liked me and she simply stated "I don't know" now that really makes me think she is confused. her answer to everything is "I don't know" and part of me thinks that she nows its a bad thing to leave me, because she says things like i don't know if we will be together in a week, much less 2 days from now. but i mean could she just like me trying to fight for her back?? try to keep her, does that make her feel as if she is important?? because she always in the past would do little things like this, but i always got her back into it. but this time it is really serious! i just don't know whats going on anymore! am i just thinking to much, am i just not getting it?? or is there hope, or is she just testing me?? i just don't have a clue what to do anymore!!!! thanks!
whichwayisup Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Put your feelings aside and just be her friend...Slow things down and tell her that you love her, and that you just want her to feel less pressured, and for her to feel happy again - And that if it means you two need to take a break so she can think, you can do that too. She does love you, but she has many issues. Trust is a huge one, and fear of committment - Being let down, or cheated upon. Something in her has happened, not your fault - But she needs time to deal with it. Don't fight with her, or make her feel bad - This isnt' about you, it's about her. Love her, support her and let her know you'll be around when she's ready.
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