Perfect Bf got dumped.

[Guest]

I treated my gf of 3 years like gold. I am 26 and she is 23 (24 in march). we had a great relationship. She was crazy for me and I for her. The last month we have been very bland. She lost her job and I hate mine. She sits home all day for the most part looking for jobs on the net and waits for me to get home (we dont live together). So she tells we don't do anything anymore and we are too young to be like this and i agreed. so i tried to take her out, told her on a friday and she said that she was going out with her friends. ... turns out Sunday she tells me she needs time to figure herself out, she needs to find herself and be an individual before she can go on being my gf.

 

That she enjoys being with her friends more than me and its not fair to me. She doesn't have that feeling anymore and went on to say she doesn't have tunnel vision anymore. She wonders if we are meant to be? ..... all she wants is time. She says it will be better for us in the long run and i would understand. She constantly tells me she loves me more than anything but needs to do this for her.... i was obviously devastated so i started going out more. a week ago i see her at a diner with her friends and i come in with 2 female friends (nothing more) it was awkward because she kept saying we should be able to say hi etc (this is going on through text messaging), so she leaves and calls me to tell me im acting weird and i didn't pick up. when i get home she is hysterically crying telling me she loves me and doesn't want to hurt me. she didn't want to break up but wasn't fair i had to wait around while she figures herself out....at this point im telling her to calm down she was out of breath from crying. she then says im wearing your shirt and i want to come over.

 

i said no, figure yourself out and i will be in touch soon. since then ive seen her online and we both don't say anything..... heres my extra dillema, Saturday is our "anniversary" do i call? sorry for the story. ... i heard from her friend said she told her she has "cold feet" because she wants to be sure (her mom and grandma are divorced). she was freaked out when our moms would say "when you 2 are married" I never cheated and was a great bf, everyone knows. friends tell me not to contact her and let her realize and if we get back we will be even stronger.. thanks all!

[Kamille]

You sound really strong and very level-headed, even as you are going through a heartbreak.

 

It's normal for dumpers to have doubts and regret their decisions. So I congratulate you great on the:

 

i said no, figure yourself out and i will be in touch soon.

 

heres my extra dillema, Saturday is our "anniversary" do i call?

 

I think she should contact you. Both you and your friends are right. It is her job to figure herself out and make things better.

 

friends tell me not to contact her and let her realize and if we get back we will be even stronger.. thanks all![/

 

good luck!

[centrum]

hey thanks for the reply, ... what makes it tough is we live in the same town and a block from each other. .. i saw her friend last night and she told me that it sounds like she is super confused and she will come to her senses. .... i dont want to move on yet because i truly believe she is really out of her mind. Is it normal for girls at their early 20's to be that confused? especially about their bf of 3 yrs. only thing i can think of is she is 23 / trying to start her career (really driven)/ and is down on life.

 

i also told her when and if the time comes, we would start dating from scratch. i honestly see myself with her. she said im the right guy but her timing is off. thanks!

[u2111]

I treated my gf of 3 years like gold. I am 26 and she is 23 (24 in march). we had a great relationship. She was crazy for me and I for her. The last month we have been very bland. She lost her job and I hate mine. She sits home all day for the most part looking for jobs on the net and waits for me to get home (we dont live together). So she tells we don't do anything anymore and we are too young to be like this and i agreed. so i tried to take her out, told her on a friday and she said that she was going out with her friends. ... turns out Sunday she tells me she needs time to figure herself out, she needs to find herself and be an individual before she can go on being my gf.

 

That she enjoys being with her friends more than me and its not fair to me. She doesn't have that feeling anymore and went on to say she doesn't have tunnel vision anymore. She wonders if we are meant to be? ..... all she wants is time. She says it will be better for us in the long run and i would understand. She constantly tells me she loves me more than anything but needs to do this for her.... i was obviously devastated so i started going out more. a week ago i see her at a diner with her friends and i come in with 2 female friends (nothing more) it was awkward because she kept saying we should be able to say hi etc (this is going on through text messaging), so she leaves and calls me to tell me im acting weird and i didn't pick up. when i get home she is hysterically crying telling me she loves me and doesn't want to hurt me. she didn't want to break up but wasn't fair i had to wait around while she figures herself out....at this point im telling her to calm down she was out of breath from crying. she then says im wearing your shirt and i want to come over.

 

i said no, figure yourself out and i will be in touch soon. since then ive seen her online and we both don't say anything..... heres my extra dillema, Saturday is our "anniversary" do i call? sorry for the story. ... i heard from her friend said she told her she has "cold feet" because she wants to be sure (her mom and grandma are divorced). she was freaked out when our moms would say "when you 2 are married" I never cheated and was a great bf, everyone knows. friends tell me not to contact her and let her realize and if we get back we will be even stronger.. thanks all!

Hell no dont call, I am going through exactly same thing. but i screwed up. my ex did exact to me. I left her alone. she would come back crying. Iwould say it was ok. This has went on for months. Your ex wants to know your going to be there in case she doesnt find anything better. She left man. If she cant commit, she needs to walk. Friends never works out, somebody always gets screwed. if you love her and want to get back together to stay. She is going to have to come back on her own. or she gonna leave again. grass aint greener man. make her figure that out on her own. you cant help her with it. stay strong, I didnt. Man im paying for it now.

[badz2801]

My ex and I had the same problem. Very similar.

 

Don't call if you want her to contact you. She will if she really cared.

 

Be ready for the "other guy" in her life when she does contact you. She will probably look to another guy to fill the void. There is a chance that she won't go with another guy...but I wouldn't put my money on it.

 

Best thing to do is go out with friends, find new hobbies and put the whole thing behind you. If ya need another chick to move on so be it.

 

If she does contact you later, you will have tough choices to make. My only suggestion is to take up poker and learn what "tells" are. If you were with her for long you will know her "tells" (body language when she lies vs tells the truth).

 

Either way your road ahead will be tough. To make things work, the problems with the relationship have to be addressed. If you are able to do that....then things will work, otherwise you will see the same thing all over again.

 

Don't get confused with your impression of her vs the reality you are facing.

 

Remember one thing, words are cheap; actions are the true tell.

[whichwayisup]

Tell her you love her and want her to be sure, and let her know that seeing as she needs that space, you'll give it to her.

 

Make sure she also understands that you need her to be completely honest with you - No matter what!!! Good or bad!

 

Keep busy, hang with friends, but try not to hang out with the "girls"...That is what upset her, seeing you with other girls.

 

I say email her an ecard because it's something you want to do, but do it without expectation. Meaning, if she calls or writes you back, great! And if not, then just know that you did something nice for her.

[centrum]

I and definitely standing my ground regarding contacting her. I just think this whole situation is screwed up ( im sure most of you are relating), its been 3 weeks since she wanted this. Our last contact was a week ago and I must say I feel like she is a confused different person from what i hear. Sometimes time off is a good thing. if its meant to be, im sure it will come back. if not, her loss. ....... i will keep you all posted and let you know if she contacts me Saturday for our anniversary. thanks everyone!

[theadventure50120]

hey thanks for the reply, ... what makes it tough is we live in the same town and a block from each other. .. i saw her friend last night and she told me that it sounds like she is super confused and she will come to her senses. .... i dont want to move on yet because i truly believe she is really out of her mind. Is it normal for girls at their early 20's to be that confused? especially about their bf of 3 yrs. only thing i can think of is she is 23 / trying to start her career (really driven)/ and is down on life.

 

i also told her when and if the time comes, we would start dating from scratch. i honestly see myself with her. she said im the right guy but her timing is off. thanks!

 

My ex was with someone from 16-20 , came to me at 21 and she is "super confused" , she feels young doesn't want to "commit" yet she says lol , and what do her friends know? Did your ex tell them that? I wouldn't listen to anyone else about what they say , only makes things more confusing , only listen to her.

[centrum]

I just cant believe how she went from " i cant wait to have your babies" and " I cant wait til we're married" to " im so confused in my life in every area and need to figure me out" its shocking and i hope it works out but i cant change her. i shouldn't have to. this is me, you like, here, if not.... take a walk. into the river preferably. tomorrow is our anniversary. i will keep you all posted and let you know if SHE calls.

[centrum]

Ok here is the update, instead of me getting a phone call from her. her mom comes to my house to say hi. after the small talk i offer to give back certain stuff (video tapes of all of us) and she says " don't tell me your giving up on my daughter" "clearly she is confused". .... so at this point ( im typing this while drinking Grey Goose) im going out and looking to get my mind off of her with certain females. I'm sure it will work a short time then i will be stuck in this same situation but at least i will move on in another way. wish me luck tonight. im sure we will all pull through this.

 

for all the nice people in the relationship..... treat them like crap. apparently they want you more. then when they start coming back. throw it in their face and move on!!!!!

[XNemesisX]

Centrum, you really have seemed so level-headed with all of this. I'm sure that the drinking you are doing tonight brought about some of those words that you just said.

 

I feel like I can relate a little to bit to your situation. I am the same age as your ex - 23 - and just starting my career. It is a hard time for me right now. I'm struggling with adjusting to "the real world" and I'm sure she is as well. She is probably realizing as I have lately that the college "fun" years are over and its time to be serious. I went through a little spell this past summer where I wanted to go out all the time because I started feeling like my youth was fleeting:laugh:

 

Maybe this is how she is feeling right now? She was with you for 3 years - all of her 20s so far so maybe she thinks she has somehow missed out?

 

It sounds like she will come around...it's actually a good sign that she got so jealous at the sight of you with those two girls. It shows that she does still care...even more so that she was crying hysterically over it. What you do not want is indifference. Obviously, she is a far cry from being indifferent to you.

 

Just be patient and keep doing what you are doing....like someone else said (and I wholeheartedly agree) she will see that the grass isn't always greener...

 

Hang in there

[centrum]

XNemesisX... are you my girlfriend? that is exactly what my situation sounds like. ... Needless to say, I went out last night and was fairly intoxicated and I had no desire to " go home" with a few options I met. I thought being with someone else would do the trick but i don't it would for me. ...... Not right now at least. I know she still definitely cares for me and loves me. I'm not questioning that, she is just a confused mess right now. ... I felt the same way but i always kept it in until it passed me. She had the honesty to tell me. I definitely am angry with her but i respect her in a sense she was honest. ........... i need to get myself in track at this point. I cant believe how on point that last post was. Night all!!!!

[centrum]

Why hasnt she contacted me at all? I feel like she truly is moving on. its been 10 days since we spoke. (feels like years). any input is appreciated.

[mental_traveller]

I just cant believe how she went from " i cant wait to have your babies" and " I cant wait til we're married" to " im so confused in my life in every area and need to figure me out" its shocking and i hope it works out but i cant change her. i shouldn't have to. this is me, you like, here, if not.... take a walk. into the river preferably. tomorrow is our anniversary. i will keep you all posted and let you know if SHE calls.

 

Good attitude. You might not think this now, but my bet is you are over this chick within a month or two, tops. She's got cold feet, thinks the grass may be greener, and why "take a break" (we all know what that means) unless she is thinking of what else might be out there? The fact is, she broke the fairy tale bubble, and now it's over. My advice is to forget about her, and either drown your sorrows with friends, or take advantage of your new-found singledom and enjoy the company of some women who will give you a good time instead of heartache. Don't delay, get laid today!

[centrum]

Hey all, had my first contact with her in 10 days today over instant messages. Well she feels like she needs to break up to become a stronger woman. she told me she loves me to death but needs to do this and she "isnt in love with me anymore" that hurt. I guess i need to move on. it hurts so bad. she wants me to be her best friend etc. eventually. i said i cant and i want her back but i cant force her. she pretty much closed the door on us and promised me this isnt about another guy whatsoever. i guess this is closure.

[suzy61]

hey centrum, I'm right where your girlfriend is right now.Was going out with my boyfriend 3 years, and nearly at the anniversary I freaked out.Totally.Don't know where it came from, but it came, and it hit me like a ton of bricks.We hung in there for another 6 months, but I cried endlessly, and eventually, 2 weeks ago, I decided that we couldn't go on like that.I loved him so much and I had my whole life planned with him,and then for some reason I really wanted out.So badly.I still don't know what I want.I don't know if I love him at all, or enough or too much, or anything. We are both 24 and in our first jobs, and I guess I relied on him a lot.I feel I need to be myself for a while, but the price I'm paying is so high.I don't know if I miss him, or if I miss us, as in, being in a couple.I'm really, really confused.He was a perfect boyfriend...everyone is saying to me "what are you doing?what's the problem?".I just don't know!We are trying to be friends..I asked for a break at first, then after about 3 days, I felt that just wasn't fair, because I didn't know how long it would take me to sort myself out and you can't leave someone hanging on for ages like that.So I broke up proper.We are still texting..though he asked me the other day not to ring him as often coz it was too hard-I get that.He (seems) to be dealing with this a lot better than me.The confusion doesn't seem to be getting any better, but it's only been a week or so ,I guess.Thing is I know LOADS of people my age, who have done the same thing.Gone away from each other altogether, no talking, nothing.Especially right after graduating.And by now they are all back together.I guess you just have a mid-twenties crisis,and some people deal with it better than others!Just hang on in there...I'm trying to do the same.Be nice to her when you do get in touch, and give her time, and space.

[suzy61]

Oh btw, my boyfriend is saying the same thing.Figure yourself out.At first, he was very upset, but literally the next day, he saw that I obviously needed to sort stuff out, and I needed space to do that.He's not exactly enjoying it, but he doesn't want back into what he called a "timebomb...he never knew what might upset me".It had actually got that bad.We were so great together, but I guess I just got scared, and I'm really trying to work on it now.So I know how your girlfriend feels, and I definitely think you're doing the right thing.

[centrum]

Hi Suzy, i guess its ok to feel the way you do because it is the way you really feel. I am heart broken because we had a discussion through AOL after not talking for 2 weeks and she said she isn't in love with me but loves me to death. She mentioned growing pains and needs to do this to become a stronger woman. ..... here is the kicker, i work at a popular night club and she vowed never to come there because it wouldn't be right. Well, turns out she comes there when im hanging out because her friends wanted to come. ...... long story short, she tells me we have to learn to run into each other and move on and that she forgot i was even there. what im getting at is she changed big time in 1 month. She is ruining my life. im trying to move on right now actually going on a date in 20mins. truth hurts sometimes. i just cant believe how she went from loving me so much to ending it and being so cold. (she says there isnt a guy, she is nothing but honest so i give her credit there). world wont stop for her. im sure there is someone who will give me the love and care i deserve. hope all works out for u as well!

[jusified]

Hi guys, my story is similar to centrum.

 

Long story short, I was with my first girl friend for nearly 2 years. We were planning on going to exchange together and it was only 2 weeks ago that we booked accomodation, I booked places to stay and travel to after exchange.

 

She was going to go on a family holiday for 1 month and then meet me on exchange. Basically 2 week before she left she said she was going to spend wednesday night with me, but then cancelled on me last minute (done this so many times) to meet up with her friends. She then left for the whole weekend to go on a sports tournment inter state. She barely spoke to me the whole time she was there and on sunday night she returned and we had a fight on the phone (which also involved her telling me shes going to meet an ex for lunch alone the next day) and all of a sudden she broke up with me, she said in canberra she pretended she didn';t have a boyfriend and had fun, she met ppl that made her realise I had nothing in common with her, like i don't go karaoke and I don't play her sport, I always gae her space and let her do her own things.

 

She then later on saw me at a part y and ran out, even though i was really upset at her i ran out to comfort her, but she kept saying she madea big mistake and can not take it back.... we eventually went back because she said shes not 100% committed to me and is confused, i got a bit upset at the part and stormed out because she went inside and just pretended nothing was happening. She didn't come outside to talk to me at all or anything, continued to smile ad talk to ppl in there.

 

Finally she just left on holidays overseas and text me that she just wants to be friends. Left me incredibly heart broken while shes have a blast on holidays.

 

I later found out that she met someone on the weekend she went to canberra, she clicked with him and got confused about me and her. (the thing was, everything was fine before then). Basically apparently they just sang karaoke together and played games and she started to like him... I havnt even heard from her since so I assume shes talking to him now.

 

its been nearly 2 weeks since she broke up with me and she is now overseas for 6 month. I've thought about everthing and this is how i approach it. There were certain things i could have done better, like be more active in her sport and go do more hings with her. The thing is, I have always told her if there is anything you like me to do just tell me, any issues in our relationship just tell me. I thought about how much i loved her, cared about her and things i did for her. I drove her brother around when ever she asked, I was there for her whenever she needed me, I drove to her house eveday when she was sick and bought medince for her. I wiped snought from her nose and tucked her in bed and waited till she fell asleep cause she wanted me to keep her company when she was sick. I cooked for her and her family, washed up, I advised her on her life and work, I was patient and forgiving in ever mistak she made and accepting of almost everything she does. Maybe my mistakes was been to nice.

 

I now walk away feeling like I gave the relationship 200%, even when she broke up with me I waited in the city for her 3 hours alone the next day to talk to her in person. I gave her so many chances. I realised she was disrespectful to me and the relationship, she was not coniderate of me and cared about my feelings. She did do alot of things that I do appreciated through the 2 years, but with wat happened....

 

In the end I do believe girls in their early to late 20s get very confused and start douting and their heart wonder (even though there alot of playerish guys outthere, its the nice guys like me that get hurt bad because we fall and care for the girl so much). I understand why she did it but do not forgive her for it. I have ket my self busy with alot of things and is looking forward to meeting the right person for me and treating her better (if thats possible) then I did with my first girlfriend. I just keep telling my self I am a great guy and stay true to who I am.

[ultimon]

Sorry to hear these sad stories from you guys,

 

FYI, I am ALSO a recent victim of the "I need my space to find myself" crap.

 

Just like you gentlemen, I have treated my ex like gold... she thought I was the perfect bf and she couldn't wait to get married and have babies etc...

 

I guess when we are too nice and submissive, they start depending on us... and one day they start to realize how weak they are and decide to push us away and go through a life change over...

 

Man, this sucks

[centrum]

Friends of my X all say she has lost her mind and she will def be back. if we are as good as we say we are, they will be back. Its that time you will all have to make a decision on whether it was confusion or them just being $luts that they always wanted to be. (sorry to be blunt).

 

I get all my info on my X from a very reliable source and they say she is miserable and went on 2 dates and has nothing good from the 2 dates. Ive been on 4 dates and it sucks to say i had the opp to "have fun" and couldnt do it. it sucks, but im sure time will fix that. we will all be fine. We have health and good family and friends (at least i do), i hope you all do as well. ........................... Lets hope they come around and get some maturity.

[norajane]

Just like you gentlemen, I have treated my ex like gold... she thought I was the perfect bf and she couldn't wait to get married and have babies etc...

 

I guess when we are too nice and submissive, they start depending on us... and one day they start to realize how weak they are and decide to push us away and go through a life change over...

 

Sometimes women realize that getting married and having babies isn't really what they want right then...

[cityboy]

Sometimes women realize that getting married and having babies isn't really what they want right then...

 

Hey all, I'm new here. Going through this crap myself. What you say there, norajane, sounds a lot like my girlfriend/fiancee soon-to-be-ex. We've been together 7 years and she up and decided on Saturday that she needs to "be alone." She recently turned 31, and I think she's going through a "do I want kids?" thing. Her childhood wasn't that great, and I think she's terrified of being a mom.

[jusified]

yea, my ex spent a weekend with some guy and realisedI'm not what she wants, she sort of regrets what happened before she left, but i'm very show shes talking to him now and probably won't regret anything in the future.

 

Just so stupid, only 2 weeks ago she was saying how much she missed and loved me, I committed and changed alot of my life for her.

 

I guess it be good to get a reply from a girl who was in this situation. I suppose in the end she might regret it once in a while when things go bad with new guy but she has made her decision and it is the end. Such a stupid way to end a great thing we had.

 

Centrum, i agree with you, girls in their 20s just crave for attention (most anyways), even if they were brought up as a good girl (especially these ones because now they are getting a taste). I suppose i have to be the nice guy I am and just be patient and wait for the exception.

[centrum]

update on my end...... nearly 2 months after she told me she has to figure herself and end it. she has contacted me and didnt directly tell me she wants to get back with me but said " you know in your heart what i want, but im just confused and cant act like it" i messed up and had sex with her and now she is texting me often.... she is 23 and a mess lately. all her friends have told me she is very miserable and weird lately. she said she cant have regrets in the future as far as her choosing this and is saying the opposite of what she said 2 months ago. now she says " in love with you" "dont forget me" amazing how time changes things. .... since then i have been on dates but no sex, she wasnt on any dates and made out with this one piece of crap. oh well, i feel like i have her thinking alot now and im kind of in the drivers seat. .........hang in there everyone who has been dumped..... especially if nobody cheated or acted like an ass (my scenario).

 

if an X contacts you to try and get things back sort of, dont be a jerk , be nice and very brief almost sarcastic. it drives them nuts not to have control over you.