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Apathetic

By Apathetic
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Apathetic Established Member

Apathetic

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Now,I am currently "talking" to someone & well we spoke last night about our situation,I had asked what he it is he wanted from this & he replied with "I dont know exactly,but I do know that I dont want to be committed & settled down,I'd rather we hung out & 'date',but as for girlfriend/boyfriend,I dont want that right now"

Now I didnt ask him what he wanted b/c I want him as a BF,but to simply know exactly what was going on.However,now that I do know he isnt looking for anything serious-Im hesitant to go any further w/ him.

I dont want to be another girl on his list you know? Ive done my share of going out and hooking up,and now that im getting older,Im sick of that crap.

 

I guess you can say im confused b/c I do want something serious,but on the other hand I dont.And the fact that he doesnt,bothers me b/c like I said,I dont want this to be another 'fling', So now that he told me this,Im starting to back off because if its going no where,why bother? Its like were in the same boat,but were not. I know you can date and whatever & just take it as it comes,but what if I do eventually end up wanting something serious & he doesnt?

 

I suppose what it comes down to is, im thinking,whats the point of moving foward & just "dating" when I know chances are,its not going to go somewhere I would like it to eventually go..

 

Now why would I be upset that he doesnt want anything serious,when I myself dont really want anything(but I do in a way)

Ahh I dont know,Im so lost

lindya Established Member

lindya

Posted
Posted
I suppose what it comes down to is, im thinking,whats the point of moving foward & just "dating" when I know chances are,its not going to go somewhere I would like it to eventually go.

 

There doesn't seem much point if a continuation of the current situation is only going to lead to you getting more and more emotionally embroiled - and, therefore, more badly burned in the long run. If you were able to keep your feelings for him in check, I'd say you may as well stay with the situation on the understanding that you're free to date other guys. It sounds, though, as if it's just taxing your emotions too much. Not a good situation to remain in for much longer, I wouldn't have thought.

magichands Established Member

magichands

Posted
Posted
Now why would I be upset that he doesnt want anything serious,when I myself dont really want anything(but I do in a way)

But you do in a way.

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Apathetic Established Member

Apathetic

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Anyone else have an opinion? I would like to hear as much as possible.

magichands Established Member

magichands

Posted
Posted

You want more?

 

Go for it. He will grow to love you.

 

There...that's better. :love::bunny:

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted
Now,I am currently "talking" to someone & well we spoke last night about our situation,I had asked what he it is he wanted from this & he replied with "I dont know exactly,but I do know that I dont want to be committed & settled down,I'd rather we hung out & 'date',but as for girlfriend/boyfriend,I dont want that right now"

Now I didnt ask him what he wanted b/c I want him as a BF,but to simply know exactly what was going on.However,now that I do know he isnt looking for anything serious-Im hesitant to go any further w/ him.

I dont want to be another girl on his list you know? Ive done my share of going out and hooking up,and now that im getting older,Im sick of that crap.

 

I guess you can say im confused b/c I do want something serious,but on the other hand I dont.And the fact that he doesnt,bothers me b/c like I said,I dont want this to be another 'fling', So now that he told me this,Im starting to back off because if its going no where,why bother? Its like were in the same boat,but were not. I know you can date and whatever & just take it as it comes,but what if I do eventually end up wanting something serious & he doesnt?

 

I suppose what it comes down to is, im thinking,whats the point of moving foward & just "dating" when I know chances are,its not going to go somewhere I would like it to eventually go..

 

Now why would I be upset that he doesnt want anything serious,when I myself dont really want anything(but I do in a way)

Ahh I dont know,Im so lost

 

 

 

Does anyone say they are looking for something serious when they're just starting to date? I mean, did he say he never wanted a serious relationship or did he emphasize the right now? What does "right now" mean anyways? The next few months, years? This very minute?

 

But I think Magichand is right. The reason you are bothered by this is because you are starting to be interested in a future with this guy. Proceed with care.

 

Magichand rocks my world.

 

K,

realizing she never rode a pink elephant.

Kamille Established Member

Kamille

Posted
Posted

is that your kitten in the avatar? so cute.

dgiirl Established Member

dgiirl

Posted
Posted

Now why would I be upset that he doesnt want anything serious,when I myself dont really want anything(but I do in a way)

Ahh I dont know,Im so lost

 

You do want a serious relationship. You're just not sure if _he_ is the right person for you to make that commitment _yet_. So this is why you're confused. And now, he's thrown out the wild card of "I dont want a serious relationship" in case you do become attached and he cannot return the feelings. This is his way of protecting himself from guilt because in case he cannot return those feelings and you get hurt, he can go back and say "But i told you i wasnt looking for a relationship".

 

Kamille's right in that we tend to say things like this in the beginning of relationships. Sometimes we're telling the truth, sometime's it's a defense mechanism. In either case, he's thrown out the wild card and now you have to decide to either take that risk or walk away.

 

Personally, if I were you, feeling the way that you do, I'd walk away. And I would be clear with him on why you're leaving. Not that you're expecting a long term commitment from him right now, but that you are not just looking for a fling either. You're not sure of your feelings for him just yet, and you're not sure if you're ready to commit to him either, but you do want to work towards the eventual goal of having a relationship with someone. And it sounds like he's not ready for that. To each his own, it's just not right for _you_.

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Apathetic Established Member

Apathetic

Posted
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You have a good point Dgirl,especially with how I have to figure out if I want to take that risk or just walk away.I suppose thats what it comes down to.Part of me wants something with him,but then again I dont.And now that I know he doesnt want anything right now,its kind of making me back off.

I feel like im being torn in two directions.For him,all he wants is to just go out and enjoy eachothers company,but im afraid that i'll eventually feel something for him,and he wont be ready for a relationship.Then what? Im screwed.

 

Im just not sure if im willing to take that risk.Its like part of me know it will go nowhere,but the other is hoping it will.

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Apathetic Established Member

Apathetic

Posted
  • Author
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is that your kitten in the avatar? so cute.

 

 

 

Nope,its not my kitten

magichands Established Member

magichands

Posted
Posted
realizing she never rode a pink elephant.

I'm available...to try to take you anywhere you want to go.

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