sassiex Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 decided last night after much thought, that i am going to tell mm that i do love him !! he has told me a several times that he loves me; but got no reaction so he hasnt said it for a while ? why do you think that is ?? the other day after we had made love i had a real urge to say it accompanied with a warm feeling all through my body ; but i did not !! i know it wont make any difference really but i feel if i dont say it soon i will burst ! he has no friggin idea , so i think it will come as quite a shock to him !! do you think im doing the right thing ? will i frighten him ? we have been together for16 months now is it too soon, said to men b4 but never meant it ! its easier to say if you dont mean it ! thoughts please xxxx:confused:
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 why do you think that is ?? because he got no reaction. Would you continue to say 'I love you' to someone who never said it back? Eventually you just stop saying it. he has no friggin idea , so i think it will come as quite a shock to him !! I doubt it will come as a shock to him. People say "I love you" through body language all the time and I expect he sees it in the way you are with him. 1. do you think im doing the right thing ? 2. will i frighten him ? we have been together for16 months now is it too soon, said to men b4 but never meant it ! 3. its easier to say if you dont mean it ! 1. It depends really. His words are telling you one thing - what are his actions telling you? 2. Maybe, maybe not. My guess though is that he knows already. Putting it into words might scare him in the sense that he may feel guilty hearing it from you if he has no intention of leaving his wife. 3. Let's hope that he doesn't feel the same way and was telling you that without really meaning it.
kymberann Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 I suggest if you do decide to disclose and you really mean it don't do it during or after sex, that would just be a physiological response. Say it during a lesser intense time or conversation. Ask yourself why you really want to tell him this. Would it be to strengthen the bond? Will him to want to be with you more? Leave his wife for you? What's the pay off? And what will you do if he doesn't say it back this time? Just thoughts!
puddleofmud Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 You DO have every right to feel your feelings and express them. Although, generally, "Being in love" together contains a safe and supportive environment where when one says this for the first time one has no fear other than giddy excitement. If you are worried about his reponse you may have already answered your question. Saying "I love you" is not a test. It is a place of honesty from the one who states and then from the one who hears. Ideally, there should be an historical and set foundation of honesty and respect which underlines the love. Are you seeking honesty and respect--will you have that if he answers in a positive manner? Or do you feel lustful and wish that to be validated as to its continuation? What does this "being in love" actually mean to you and what do you want and what can you accept as an answer? Are you seeking to be placated? To hear only what you want to hear? And I agree, do tell him at a sober less intense time. Do you wish a constructive reply or just a passionate reaction?
Author sassiex Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 because he got no reaction. Would you continue to say 'I love you' to someone who never said it back? Eventually you just stop saying it. I doubt it will come as a shock to him. People say "I love you" through body language all the time and I expect he sees it in the way you are with him. 1. It depends really. His words are telling you one thing - what are his actions telling you? 2. Maybe, maybe not. My guess though is that he knows already. Putting it into words might scare him in the sense that he may feel guilty hearing it from you if he has no intention of leaving his wife. 3. Let's hope that he doesn't feel the same way and was telling you that without really meaning it. I AM REALLY CURIOUS TELL ME ABOUT BODY LANGUAGE PLEASE X XSASSX
Author sassiex Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 I suggest if you do decide to disclose and you really mean it don't do it during or after sex, that would just be a physiological response. Say it during a lesser intense time or conversation. Ask yourself why you really want to tell him this. Would it be to strengthen the bond? Will him to want to be with you more? Leave his wife for you? What's the pay off? And what will you do if he doesn't say it back this time? Just thoughts! good god if i did say it and he didnt say it back....................think id throw up !!
Author sassiex Posted November 25, 2006 Author Posted November 25, 2006 You DO have every right to feel your feelings and express them. Although, generally, "Being in love" together contains a safe and supportive environment where when one says this for the first time one has no fear other than giddy excitement. If you are worried about his reponse you may have already answered your question. Saying "I love you" is not a test. It is a place of honesty from the one who states and then from the one who hears. Ideally, there should be an historical and set foundation of honesty and respect which underlines the love. Are you seeking honesty and respect--will you have that if he answers in a positive manner? Or do you feel lustful and wish that to be validated as to its continuation? What does this "being in love" actually mean to you and what do you want and what can you accept as an answer? Are you seeking to be placated? To hear only what you want to hear? And I agree, do tell him at a sober less intense time. Do you wish a constructive reply or just a passionate reaction? im not sure what you mean sorry , dont know what some of those words mean xx:(
LucreziaBorgia Posted November 25, 2006 Posted November 25, 2006 I AM REALLY CURIOUS TELL ME ABOUT BODY LANGUAGE PLEASE X XSASSX It is when "I love you" is in your every action, even if it doesn't verbally come out of your mouth: Freqent small intimate touches: brushing stuff off face, running fingers through hair, etc - small but significant stuff. This shows your partner that you feel intimate enough with him to be in his personal space, and shows a certain 'protectiveness' and tenderness. Not something you do with casual friends. Frequent larger intimate touches: long strong hugs, passionate (not simply pecking) kisses, holding hands, showing passion during lovemaking (not just feeling it, but actually showing it) etc. This shows your partner that you are intimate enough with him to share his personal space and that you want to show him how pleased he is making you feel. Definitely not something you do with a casual friend. Even a f*ckbuddy has limits on this. A f*ckbuddy might get the physical part, but be missing the intimacy. With a f*ckbuddy, you show a great deal of pleasure, but it is more a case of showing how pleasured you are, not how much the partner is pleasuring you. Its a more selfish sort of thing with a f*ckbuddy. With a f*ckbuddy its all 'take' in physical terms. With a partner you are in love with its more of a 'give and take' in terms of emotions and intimacy terms. Paying attention to him - really listening to what he has to say instead of looking away and busying yourself with some other task as he is talking - looking into his eyes - lots of eye contact. Sharing information and having him listen to you. Really caring about what the other person has to say. How many times has a MM said that his OW 'truly understands him'? That's because if she loves him, she will make an effort to listen and not just busy herself with something and say "uh huh, yes, that's nice dear, uh huh... etc." That said, do you find yourself doing these things with your MM? If so, there's a very good chance that he already knows that you love him. Just understand that putting it into words is different than simply knowing it. Sometimes putting it into words can generate guilt and anxiety for the MM, who knows that he cannot truly and freely give you all of the love you need. There's only so much a married person can give outside the marriage.
Author sassiex Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 It is when "I love you" is in your every action, even if it doesn't verbally come out of your mouth: Freqent small intimate touches: brushing stuff off face, running fingers through hair, etc - small but significant stuff. This shows your partner that you feel intimate enough with him to be in his personal space, and shows a certain 'protectiveness' and tenderness. Not something you do with casual friends. Frequent larger intimate touches: long strong hugs, passionate (not simply pecking) kisses, holding hands, showing passion during lovemaking (not just feeling it, but actually showing it) etc. This shows your partner that you are intimate enough with him to share his personal space and that you want to show him how pleased he is making you feel. Definitely not something you do with a casual friend. Even a f*ckbuddy has limits on this. A f*ckbuddy might get the physical part, but be missing the intimacy. With a f*ckbuddy, you show a great deal of pleasure, but it is more a case of showing how pleasured you are, not how much the partner is pleasuring you. Its a more selfish sort of thing with a f*ckbuddy. With a f*ckbuddy its all 'take' in physical terms. With a partner you are in love with its more of a 'give and take' in terms of emotions and intimacy terms. Paying attention to him - really listening to what he has to say instead of looking away and busying yourself with some other task as he is talking - looking into his eyes - lots of eye contact. Sharing information and having him listen to you. Really caring about what the other person has to say. How many times has a MM said that his OW 'truly understands him'? That's because if she loves him, she will make an effort to listen and not just busy herself with something and say "uh huh, yes, that's nice dear, uh huh... etc." That said, do you find yourself doing these things with your MM? If so, there's a very good chance that he already knows that you love him. Just understand that putting it into words is different than simply knowing it. Sometimes putting it into words can generate guilt and anxiety for the MM, who knows that he cannot truly and freely give you all of the love you need. There's only so much a married person can give outside the marriage. every thing you have just said makes so much sense to me ! there is so much yu can tell just from body language so how can i tell from his body language, is t exactly the same ? sass x
Guest Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 How exactly does one show passion during lovemaking? How does one distinguish between passionate lovemaking vs just hot se?
HennyPenny Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I'm not proud to admit this, but I've tested an MM this way when I should have been trying to stay away from him, but that's a whole other thread. One fun test is to see if he mimics your body language. It has to be very subtle. For example, once during conversation I leaned toward him a little and started "absent-mindedly" stroking my eyebrow gently with my middle finger. Sure enough, he almost immediately began manically scrubbing at his eyebrow with his fingers. I'll also tilt my head to the side and he almost always will tilt his the exact same way. Or I'll start messing with my hair just to see him mess with his hair. There are endless little things I can do to amuse myself. Try it on a man who you know isn't attracted to you and you'll notice that (for the most part) he won't mimic you. Some people do it here and there regardless, but someone who's attracted to you is subconciously watching your every move. It's so easy to pick up on. Not that I condone messing with people this way, but it's kind of fun. Supposedly if someone mimics your body language it means they're attracted to you and feel a connection with you.
whichwayisup Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 One fun test is to see if he mimics your body language. It has to be very subtle. For example, once during conversation I leaned toward him a little and started "absent-mindedly" stroking my eyebrow gently with my middle finger. Sure enough, he almost immediately began manically scrubbing at his eyebrow with his fingers. I'll also tilt my head to the side and he almost always will tilt his the exact same way. Or I'll start messing with my hair just to see him mess with his hair. There are endless little things I can do to amuse myself. Try it on a man who you know isn't attracted to you and you'll notice that (for the most part) he won't mimic you. Some people do it here and there regardless, but someone who's attracted to you is subconciously watching your every move. It's so easy to pick up on. Maybe this works in an affair or in the beginning stages of a relationship, but once the honeymoon phase is over, I doubt that will work! Let alone if you've been married a long time! Stupidly enough, for the heck of it, I am going to try doing this on my husband when he comes home from work later on tonight. (My best bet is, he's going to make fun of me and ask me WTF I'm doing! )
silentalways Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 personally, i would only add this: speaking as someone who in a very short period of time managed to do the opposite of everything i believe in and in doing so hurt those i love, i would do whatever it take, is required, is needed, is wanted in order that past mistakes never happen again and just have a normal, safe, healthy, honest and trusting place [in her heart] [i know i am dreaming but that's how things are] but i would settle for a smile and her voice. ok...time for my meds! lol
puddleofmud Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I am going to be somewhat of the "devils advocate". What will him saying "I love you" really mean to you? As this seems so very important to you.
Author sassiex Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 How exactly does one show passion during lovemaking? How does one distinguish between passionate lovemaking vs just hot se? would be interested to know .......good question...guest;)
Author sassiex Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 I am going to be somewhat of the "devils advocate". What will him saying "I love you" really mean to you? As this seems so very important to you. answer.........**** knows help tell me about his body language ....you have my full attention sass x;)
norajane Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Passion stems from your heart and head; hot sex is just your body. Passion is a desire, an emotional and intellectual intimacy that is expressed in sex. Hot sex just expresses the need to get off, physcial cravings for the other person. You can tell the difference more easily once you've had both. If you're looking into each other's eyes as you kiss and touch and f*ck, if you're both giving pleasure rather than just taking. If you're both giving rather than only one of you giving, then you've reached a place where intimacy and passion are there and it's not just hot sex. The hot sex is taken to another level, a deeper level, and is more fulfilling because of it.
Guest Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 You started this thread almost a week ago. Have you told him?
GreenEyedLady Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Passion stems from your heart and head; hot sex is just your body. Passion is a desire, an emotional and intellectual intimacy that is expressed in sex. Hot sex just expresses the need to get off, physcial cravings for the other person. You can tell the difference more easily once you've had both. If you're looking into each other's eyes as you kiss and touch and f*ck, if you're both giving pleasure rather than just taking. If you're both giving rather than only one of you giving, then you've reached a place where intimacy and passion are there and it's not just hot sex. The hot sex is taken to another level, a deeper level, and is more fulfilling because of it. I agree 100%!!!
peacelove Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 How exactly does one show passion during lovemaking? How does one distinguish between passionate lovemaking vs just hot se? IMO passion can't be taught. It comes naturally. If you have to be taught, it's fake.
noforgiveness Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 personally I think if you tell him you love him he is going to get scared and cut contact with you. He's married. he wants some fun. He doesn't want you to fall in love and bog him down with all the emotions love brings.
Author sassiex Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 personally I think if you tell him you love him he is going to get scared and cut contact with you. He's married. he wants some fun. He doesn't want you to fall in love and bog him down with all the emotions love brings. was going to tell him sunday.....but decided against it better that way please tell me more about body language im so interested thanx sassxx
GreenEyedLady Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 personally I think if you tell him you love him he is going to get scared and cut contact with you. He's married. he wants some fun. He doesn't want you to fall in love and bog him down with all the emotions love brings. The reasons that A's go on so long is because someone/both partners (depends on the situation) fall in love...I said I love you before I knew he was married and guess what, didn't matter, he didn't get scared or run away...he fell in love, too...maybe it starts out as just for fun, but the reason it lasts is because it becomes more and it is hard to walk away when you love someone... S: If he does get scared and cuts contact with you, then you know you're wasting your love on someone who's not worth it...you've been with him a long time...what do you think you should do?
noforgiveness Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 The reasons that A's go on so long is because someone/both partners (depends on the situation) fall in love...I said I love you before I knew he was married and guess what, didn't matter, he didn't get scared or run away...he fell in love, too...maybe it starts out as just for fun, but the reason it lasts is because it becomes more and it is hard to walk away when you love someone... S: If he does get scared and cuts contact with you, then you know you're wasting your love on someone who's not worth it...you've been with him a long time...what do you think you should do? wasting UMMM helloooo he's married. She is already wasting her love on a married man. A man committed to someone ELSE.
GreenEyedLady Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 wasting UMMM helloooo he's married. She is already wasting her love on a married man. A man committed to someone ELSE. If he's that committed, why is he sleeping with someone else?
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