Summer2000 Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 I know this is going to be a funny question to some of you, but I would like to know what the difference/feeling of being in love with someone and actully being obsessed with someone.. I think/thought I loved my ex who broke up with me, but now I am thinking that I may actully just be obsessed with this guy.. I feel like I should know the answer as I will be 30 soon, but I guess maybe I don't know.. So if anyone can give me some input that would be great.. Thank you, Summer [FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]
silentalways Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 if u loved this person u will feel heartbreak - if u are obsessed, you will only want them. just my 2 cents. anyhooo, that's it for tonite. big love to all u out there in cyberland.
Author Summer2000 Posted November 23, 2006 Author Posted November 23, 2006 but that is just it, I dated a man for a year and I do feel so heart broken, at the same time I just want him to tell me he wants me back.. I don't know.. I guess I just feel like maybe I am obssesed with this man rather then being in love.. I want what I can't have
blon_dee Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 HI there.. yeah, im hearing you! I think thats how i feel about my recent ex.. i'm not sure that i am really in love with him either.. But i have been trying to get him back too... Always want what we cant have ...
pureinheart Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 "love" wants the best for the other person...."obsession" is only about self
amaysngrace Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 "love" wants the best for the other person...."obsession" is only about self What if you think you are the best person for the one you love? Then what?
magichands Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 What if you think you are the best person for the one you love? Then what? Then I had to stop after offering my heart twice. The second time was a kind of "open ended" promise, but I got rebuffed just the same. All I ever wanted to be was a love slave. Oh well.
theadventure50120 Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 but that is just it, I dated a man for a year and I do feel so heart broken, at the same time I just want him to tell me he wants me back.. I don't know.. I guess I just feel like maybe I am obssesed with this man rather then being in love.. I want what I can't have He dumped you , you probably feel he is better then you or has the upper hand. I don't even think i love my ex either i just wanted her because she dumped me , but after 2months looking at her pics i don't find her as attractive as i used to , and now thinking i am better then her because she told me she is depressed and i'm doing fine Who ever dumps someone won't feel as much pain as the dumpee because it was there decision , while were still thinking huh..We think of the good times and not the bad times always. Get out your head he is better then you , think your better then him.
Author Summer2000 Posted November 23, 2006 Author Posted November 23, 2006 I just have this sick feeling in my stomach.. I want him to pay for his actions, at the same time I don't want to see him hurt.. So I don't know how I am feeling.. All's I know is that I think about him almost 24/7 and all's I want to do is talk to him.. when I do talk to him all's I want to do is get off the phone.. As he does not make me a happy person.. I guess that is why I am so confussed here..
amaysngrace Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 I want him to pay for his actions, at the same time I don't want to see him hurt.. So I don't know how I am feeling.. All's I know is that I think about him almost 24/7 and all's I want to do is talk to him.. when I do talk to him all's I want to do is get off the phone.. As he does not make me a happy person.. I guess that is why I am so confussed here.. If your thoughts are consumed by him, then I'd definitely say obsession. If contact with him leaves you unhappy, why bother? I know I wouldn't. I think you are taking things too personally. He didn't set out to hurt you. It wasn't deliberate. Yet you seem to hold some vendetta against him for being hurt by him. It's a risk you take when you choose to get involved with another. You chose to jump. Now you are placing the blame on him for how you feel. It was your choice. And it's your choice to think about him regularly. If you don't like the way things are, it's up to you to change them. I don't mean to sound hard on you, but this thinking of yours is most unhealthy and completely damaging to yourself.
Author Summer2000 Posted November 23, 2006 Author Posted November 23, 2006 I do put blame on this man, he used me for sex for a entire year.. He never loved me, he told me this.. So, I guess in ways I am pretty upset by all of this..
maay Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 I do put blame on this man, he used me for sex for a entire year.. He never loved me, he told me this.. So, I guess in ways I am pretty upset by all of this.. i have the similar situation with you! but i was with him for four years! i can blame him for hurting my feeling as he told me manytimes that he likes me, but he doesnt want to hurt my feeling. i am the one who choose to stay with him all these years.. but i always feeling insecure and fear when i meet him.. as i donno when am i going to see him again after our outing. or when is he going to call me again... i always leave the card on his side, he always the boss, eventhough he wanted to see me, i will beside him right away. but when i am in trouble and need him, he neither not respond to me msg or didnt answer my call. there was a time when i call him the whole night he didnt pick up, and i found out that there is a women at his place that night. i am stupid enough to go back to him the next day. realise all this long ago, but just cant let go. think the winning feeling is the instint for human being. we tents to wan things that we cant have. hang on there, i am sure you can go through this. i hope i can too.
Author Summer2000 Posted November 23, 2006 Author Posted November 23, 2006 Oh Maymay, I am so sorry.. My ex cheated on me and I stayed as well.. The guy gave me a std and I still stayed... We would go to dinner or a movie and I always got the bill.. Alls he ever wanted to do with me was have sex and that was it, but I thought by him having sex with me was his way of loving me.. I know in my heart this man was no good for me, but I was so scared of being alone again.. I do know that I need to move on and let him go, and I am just so confussed on if I love this man or just obsessed with him.. All's I do is think about him, I think of the good moments we had, and then I get this sick feeling like I have to talk to him.. So I call him, let him treat me like crap and then I feel better in some ways.. In a sick way I guess I want him to hate me, I want him to feel something for me.. Anything, just have some kind of feeling for me.. I know that I sound like I need some medical attention here, and I know I have low self esteem, but I did start taking a anti- depressent.. I hope none of you judge me for what I am saying.. [FONT=Comic Sans MS][sIZE=2][COLOR=#800080][/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT]
forgotten1 Posted November 23, 2006 Posted November 23, 2006 Sometimes the fantasy of the relationship is much better than the reality. In your case this sounds very true. I too just broke up with my ex. Even though she texted me the other night, I still ignored her. I myself am confused about the way I feel. I mean, I feel as though it would be amazing to spend just 5 minutes alone with her. On the other hand, If I weigh out everything bad and good, there are much more things wrong with what we had then right. No contact has helped me clarify this. Its not what I WANT to believe, but its the truth, and the truth hurts. Ignore him, push him away all you can, think about yourself. You are all that matters right now so put yourself on a pedestal. Its not easy, but its the best thing. I've only been truly broken up with her for about 2 wks. Its still very painful, and I still have urges all the time to call etc. I know that it won't get me anywhere but hurt, so I avoid it. if you want to call him, call a friend instead. Anything......just no contact.
amaysngrace Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 I know in my heart this man was no good for me, but I was so scared of being alone again. I'm so sorry for what you're feeling right now. I use to have low self-esteem at one time too. And I thought that intimacy = love somehow. But it's really not like that. I was treated badly by men myself, but then one day I realized they only treated me badly because I allowed them to. I also learned that it is better to be alone than in bad company. At least when you're alone, you know what to expect and there is no outside force that's going to make you feel bad. If you give and get nothing back, that hurts. And it sounds like this is what's happening with this guy. Do you even LIKE to have sex with him? Or do you feel used each time? I think you are hoping others will make you feel good. But really you need to feel good about yourself before anyone else can do that for you. You should cut this guy off NOW. You should use the time and energy you would have spent on him, on YOURSELF. He's not worth it, but YOU ARE. The money you've spent on taking him out, spend on YOU. Treat yourself to something nice, even if it's just a small bouquet of flowers. You deserve them! Make a list of all of your good qualities. I bet you have a lot. If you hear your little voice telling you something that's negative from your past, ignore it. It's not true. It's just some unnecessary garbage that someone put there, and you believed it. But you know better. You know your strong points. You sound to me to be a very loving and giving individual. You should give that love to yourself first. Don't waste it on someone who doesn't matter. You are what matters. And getting your head right, with you thinking of yourself as your number one priority, is something that must happen before you should consider being in a relationship. The very most meaningful relationship you will ever have is the one you have with yourself. Do yourself a favor and treat yourself as the special person that you are.
Author Summer2000 Posted November 24, 2006 Author Posted November 24, 2006 To be honest with you.. I did have sex with him for the wrong reasons.. I never really got off with him either, I was always worried about if he was happy or not.. Wow, I really have some serious issues here!
magichands Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 I was always worried about if he was happy or not.. Wow, I really have some serious issues here! Since when is selflessness a "serious issue?" Don't be so hard on yourself. You just need the faith and trust to be returned. Then everything will be wonderful.
amaysngrace Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Wow, I really have some serious issues here! Serious maybe but definitely fixable! Don't beat yourself up about it, nobody's perfect you know? You just need to think more highly of yourself. You are you and there is nobody else just like you. But I bet you have many good qualities other people admire.
magichands Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 You are you It's true. And I am me. I think. Who are you, again?
alphamale Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 I know this is going to be a funny question to some of you, but I would like to know what the difference/feeling of being in love with someone and actully being obsessed with someone.. Let me explain S2K....being in "love" is when you're actually in a relationship with someone who reciprocates your feelings. Being "obsessed" is when you're not in a relaitonship with someone and you're stalking them and they are not reciprocating your feelings...
Author Summer2000 Posted November 24, 2006 Author Posted November 24, 2006 So by me calling him and him talking to me but being kind of rude to me, makes me more obssesed for the fact I keep reaching out to him?
magichands Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Let me explain S2K....being in "love" is when you're actually in a relationship with someone who reciprocates your feelings. Being "obsessed" is when you're not in a relaitonship with someone and you're stalking them and they are not reciprocating your feelings... Ahhh...so I am in love with myself. Yay for me. Someone said I was self-obsessed, and I told them that was crap. But now I have an awesome comeback line.
magichands Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 So by me calling him and him talking to me but being kind of rude to me, makes me more obssesed for the fact I keep reaching out to him? It depends which part you are reaching out for.
alphamale Posted November 24, 2006 Posted November 24, 2006 Ahhh...so I am in love with myself. Yay for me. Someone said I was self-obsessed, and I told them that was crap. But now I have an awesome comeback line. dude, give the droll sarcasm a rest for a while...
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