Guest Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 Since you have been living together for a year and half then I would suggest that you talk with your partner about your unresolved feelings as you two now have a relationship that should be the one you concentrate upon. Leaving a difficult past behind is often a core issue in any relationship. I feel you need to forgive yourself and realise that no one else can do that for you. Why are you depending on the ex-spouse for your own well-being? I do feel that that IS self-centered since she should not have to shoulder this--as these are YOUR feelings. Should she have needed you for HER healing she would have already let you know....and perhaps may do so later, but until such time do not contact her! She needs to do what SHE needs about this and she should be allowed that respect. Write a letter and mail it to yourself. Then burn it once it arrives. If you really can't let go of this find a therapist that can help. Forgiveness is truly devine and it says a great deal about you that you are deeply concerned about other's feelings! Thank you for your input. Yes, I spoke with him about it -- and he feels badly as well -- but their split has gotten so ugly that it's kind of a sore subject. It's sort of like "well, I'm sorry you feel badly but I'm the one getting raked over the coals and I feel badly too." He's not said that, but it's my interpretation. Of course I will discuss with him before sending anything. Honestly, I thought I HAD forgiven myself -- I've gone round and round with this in my brain for so long. I'm not sure why I keep second-guessing myself. "Why are you depending on the ex-spouse for your own well-being?" -- I never thought of it that way. I guess I shouldn't be. I don't feel that way, I think... just trying to do the right thing. If sending the letter is a bad idea, I won't do it and eventually be ok with the situation.
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