Author HopefulOne Posted December 12, 2006 Author Posted December 12, 2006 Well I thought I would give you guys an update and no I have not responded or texted him but he sure has... Here goes 1st one: "Just forget it! Im not going to explain anything to you. I am fed up with you. You just dismissed me that night" 2nd one: "Your world is so pretty. I wish it were real. Bye" 3rd one: "You are never wrong. Even when you are" 4th one: I wish I wasn't so mad. I hate being questioned/you always question everything, if I question you it's a broken commandment." That's all for now folks....
IpAncA Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 He keeps going back in forth with negative and positive messages. I think it's really time to consider whether or not you want to continue seeing him. If so then you both need to work this out. If not then you know you need to break it off with him. You seem like your just hanging around not knowing what to think or do. Part of you wants to work it out and part of you doesn't. There's not really much that can be said to you. Personally he's not worth it and there are much better guys out there who won't play games and who won't be inmature and know how to treat a person, like they matter. This whole thing is just stupid and he is not worth your time.
crazy_grl Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Geez. That guy's unbelievable. He's trying to draw you into more arguements. I commend you for not falling for it. If you want him to go away, just keep on ignoring him. Eventually he should stop. If he doesn't, he's got bigger issues than we all thought.
dropdeadlegs Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 Geez. That guy's unbelievable. He's trying to draw you into more arguements. I commend you for not falling for it. If you want him to go away, just keep on ignoring him. Eventually he should stop. If he doesn't, he's got bigger issues than we all thought. My thoughts exactly...Be strong, HopefulOne! We are here for you!
Author HopefulOne Posted December 13, 2006 Author Posted December 13, 2006 My thoughts exactly...Be strong, HopefulOne! We are here for you! " Have blood work and physical planned... maybe there is something wrong with me...doesn't mean you were not wrong but i get too angry....":eek:
crazy_grl Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 " Have blood work and physical planned... maybe there is something wrong with me...doesn't mean you were not wrong but i get too angry....":eek: Ha. Looks like he's starting to realize you aren't going to take his bait so he's changing tactics. Now it's not all your fault. Maybe part of it's his fault... all because you're ignoring him. I won't be surprised if he starts taking the blame and pulling some "wo is me" BS, appologizing, crying, talking down about himself and all that. It's not a very far step from "maybe there is something wrong with me" to "I always screw things up. I'm such a loser." which translates to "Please feel bad for me and give me attention again."
IpAncA Posted December 13, 2006 Posted December 13, 2006 I won't be surprised if he starts taking the blame and pulling some "wo is me" BS, appologizing, crying, talking down about himself and all that. It's not a very far step from "maybe there is something wrong with me" to "I always screw things up. I'm such a loser." which translates to "Please feel bad for me and give me attention again." Gezz..what is with this guy. Yeah I agree too. Don't be surprised. Has he does this before or is this something new?
Author HopefulOne Posted December 14, 2006 Author Posted December 14, 2006 My thoughts exactly...Be strong, HopefulOne! We are here for you! He texted me today as well... he also called.... I so wanted to pick up that phone... I don't know anything anymore.... I am so confused... but trying to stay strong...
crazy_grl Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 He texted me today as well... he also called.... I so wanted to pick up that phone... I don't know anything anymore.... I am so confused... but trying to stay strong... Just remember how much of a complete *sshole this guy was for no reason. If you answer him, you'll just get more of this treatment. Even if he's initially appologetic, he'll eventually go back to being a jerk.
justagirliegirl Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 Good for you for ignoring him! It is funny how all was fine with him when he would disappear for weeks at a time leaving you hanging but he doesn't seem to like it so much when it is done to him! It seems like he has some type of emotional problems. Maybe you have to decide if it is really worth it putting up with something that will very unlikely change. At the very least he needs to learn how to treat others properly and communicate fairly.
Gala Posted December 14, 2006 Posted December 14, 2006 Hopeful - It is entirely possible that this guy does have a psychological disorder that can be diagnosed. I dated someone who was bipolar, and probably also had some PTSD. The definitions of these areas get murky, but/and narcissism often goes hand in glove with bipolar disorder. I ultimately decided that my ex's issues were so large that I couldn't have a relationship with him; he was also good and comfortable with being unpredictable and controlling, and that wasn't going to change. I don't know the age of the guy you're dealing with, but if he's young there may be time and opportunity for him to make those decisions. However - those issues are not about you. They are not within your control. They are for him to deal with. You need to focus on your own needs. Something else for you to keep in mind is that people with these behavioral problems tend to act out the same way with most people - it's not like they meet the "right" person and their problems go away...
panzer6 Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Hey, Hopeful, Gala is right when she says that these people don't change their behaviour when they are with other people. I have gotten to know some people who knew my ex a few years back and she was doing the same things to her husband as she has done to me. She always seemed to put me down or freak out about literally nothing! For a while I really thought it was me, that there was something fundamentally wrong with me. My therapist told me that I was a very stable person and that I have lots of confidence and great self-esteem. She said I was one of the most well adjusted specimens she had ever encountered and she even questioned my need for therapy. I think it helped me regardless if I needed it or not. It let me view things from a different perspective and it really made a difference with me. My ex just seems to hate me more and more, I tried to talk to her the other day and she just hung up on me. Even after all this time it still hurts. Your ex will be the same way no matter who he is with. I understand this now and it helps me alot. You need to do the same and realise that it was not you, it was him, and unless he gets serious help he will continue to treat his partners like garbage and he will end up very alone. Please understand that I know exactly what you are dealing with and I wish I could tell you how to make it better, but I can't. You have to deal with him in a very tough manner and tell him to get lost forever. You are not alone, be strong!!!
dropdeadlegs Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Hi HopefulOne, Just checking on you to see how your day is going. I know yesterday was a tough one and I'm sure you handled it in the best way for you. Is it getting any easier? Are you feeling better, or worse about the whole situation?
D-Lish Posted December 15, 2006 Posted December 15, 2006 Okay, I'm just jumping into this one late in the game, but I read the entire 15 pages... It's both an amusing and sad story. Hope you don't mind if I put my two cents in. What is going on with this guy? I didn't get too much insight into what he was like, or what your relationship was like in the 3 years you were together... did he seem a little more normal than he has been acting recently? It's completely off the wall to actually think he has any claim to anger over what happened. All because you got stopped by the cops and didn't pick up your phone? the cop would have been pissed if you had have been talking on your cell. Did he actually think you cheated with an officer? It totally sounds like something else is going on with this guy- something estranged from the incident that took place that infamous evening that this whole thing started. He could have been using it as an excuse to justify to himself taking space? Did you feel a break up coming prior to this incident? I'd be madder than hell if I were you. I have an ex who just went cold on me one day and never spoke to me again. We had a minor arguement and he didn't speak to me for four days, then I finally got a hold of him and he told me he didn't love me anymore and went off on me for making him miserable- blamed the break up on me and never spoke to me again. That was three months ago. It's frustrating and painful to be going through what you are. Believe me, I know. I've been through it, am still going through it. At the very least, you deserve some proper closure on this. I hope you find it. D
Author HopefulOne Posted December 18, 2006 Author Posted December 18, 2006 Okay, I just got home from a holiday party... fun.. all my old friends.. I want to tell you about my weekend and answer your questions... I will do so tomorrow... You won't believe it... or maybe you will... but it was quite strange to say the least... but I am very tired... and need to get up early...thanks again for everyone's support, you made me strong and gave me support..........
Author HopefulOne Posted December 23, 2006 Author Posted December 23, 2006 Let me see.... I had been saying he had been texting and stuff... So, apparently he really does have some physical issues that are affecting his moods, sleep, etc... He said he wanted to take things slow, as his mind is all messed up and that he wanted us to work.... Then when I tried to ask him some questions, his response was -- "stop asking so many questions and let things take there natural flow and have fun ".... he said he wanted us if we can get along... Then when we talked he did listen and he still didn't answer any of my concerns.... saying that he didn't know what he wanted from us... I said that's not a good thing after all this time... He said I am trying to deal with a lot right now... He said I know I love you... He said he is miserable and has been for a long time.. He ended up hanging up on me again, which was strange cause he was the one who was talking at the time.. I don't know what to think anymore... I am glad that he is trying to find out what's wrong and trying to fix it.. I hurt, it's hurts.... I have been so upset the last couple of days I haven't even been myself...
dropdeadlegs Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I had been waiting on pins and needles for your reply. I'm sorry I don't have encouraging words for you, but here goes. If he cannot even handle questions after all you have been through his problems are far too deep seated for you to wait around hoping he will change. Change of this kind will take years and ultimately make you even more miserable in the meantime. Please love yourself enough to demand better treatment RIGHT NOW! Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.....and you are suffering at this point.
IpAncA Posted December 23, 2006 Posted December 23, 2006 I'm so sorry your going thru this now, especially around Christmas. You know how I feel about this so I just hope that everything works out for you, I really do.
Author HopefulOne Posted December 24, 2006 Author Posted December 24, 2006 I had been waiting on pins and needles for your reply. I'm sorry I don't have encouraging words for you, but here goes. If he cannot even handle questions after all you have been through his problems are far too deep seated for you to wait around hoping he will change. Change of this kind will take years and ultimately make you even more miserable in the meantime. Please love yourself enough to demand better treatment RIGHT NOW! Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.....and you are suffering at this point. I think it may be to deep seated for me.... I can't do it anymore... I know I love him and I want to help him.... but only he can help himself... I want to be there for him but at this point it is just to hard to deal with... It makes me sad....
Author HopefulOne Posted December 24, 2006 Author Posted December 24, 2006 I'm so sorry your going thru this now, especially around Christmas. You know how I feel about this so I just hope that everything works out for you, I really do. It is so hard, I can't even tell you.... I just don't even know what to think anymore.... I have cried so much the last few days.... I want to be there for him but I just don't know that I can do it anymore.... Now, it's all about the " well look what's wrong with me".... that's not an excuse to treat me badly.... I just can't deal anymore... I will spend Christmas alone... he will spend it with his daughter,which is good, I think he should... but I will never be part of his life... I think I get that now... FYI... I have never met his daughter... she is almost 21.... sad...
D-Lish Posted December 25, 2006 Posted December 25, 2006 It just seems as if his issues are creating unhappiness IN YOU...as well as him. Relationships have their rough periods- even the best ones do. But you're right in recognizing only he can help himself. The sleep-mood disturbances....hmmm, hopefully he can talk to a professional about that. Depression? When people aren't happy with themselves, they see the world in a much different way. It sounds as if he needs to do a lot of self-exploration before he can deal with being a good partner to you or anyone for that matter. Feeling "overwhelmed" is also a symptom of an anxiety/depression mood disorder. You mentioned that he won't deal with anything "heavy" in terms of talking right now, so that is why I mention this. Only a professional can make that kind of diagnosis- I would never presume to make that assumption based on what you've said. I only mention it because it might be a possibility. The bottom line is that if his problems and behaviour are bringing you down, it's time for you to make a choice in regard to what you want to do. You deserve to be happy, and to be in a relationship that fulfills you. He's not providing you with anything but angst right now. Well he works on his issues- it's time for you to find some happiness in your life again. Your story is sad, I feel for you. Enjoy the holidays, D
Author HopefulOne Posted January 6, 2007 Author Posted January 6, 2007 So much has happened... So come to find out ( I thought he had been legally seperated for awhile, since I started dating him, back then I knew he lived in his condo that he owned with his so called soon to be ex-wife, who lives in the other house with his daughter). I Know it's confusing. Come to find out through one of his ex-friends he moved back into that house two years ago or so the friend said.. I asked he denied. But the more I think about all of this, the more it all comes together. As, you all know he months back moved to a different state for a promotion and I know he is there on his own but the lies, the deceit... I asked if was legally seperated and he said we have been seperated for many many years and that makes sense to me unless they HAVE some arrangement of sorts... The house is on the market and has been for months. Although I didn't find that out from him, when I asked he was like OH yeah I meant to tell you that. THere is so much to tell here and I have so many questions ... Right I have to get going but I will be back later...
jidgey16 Posted January 6, 2007 Posted January 6, 2007 i dated a guy like this for 2 years...reading your post brought me back to that...absolutly crazy..he must have HUGE jealousy and posessiveness issues...this will only get worse as time goes on...believe me...as for the cursing...this will get worse too...one time i said hi to a guy leaving a bar and my boyfriend at the time flipped out and trashed his house when he got home all because i said hi to someone...be careful!!
Mary3 Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 I think it goes far beyond his possessivenes and his jealousy... I think he is deeply disturbed , irrepairebly damaged and now we find out he is LYING too. You can NOT love this man although you think you do because he is cruel, he hangs up on you, still is married ( married is married / no halfway ) plays games with your mind. Sends weird text messages. He is Emotionally Abusing you. You are hanging on when you need to STOP and love yourself ! This is not easy. But let him go before he does any further damage to you. He is TOXIC ! Back away now... Screw his * time * RUN !
IpAncA Posted January 7, 2007 Posted January 7, 2007 So much has happened... So come to find out ( I thought he had been legally seperated for awhile, since I started dating him, back then I knew he lived in his condo that he owned with his so called soon to be ex-wife, who lives in the other house with his daughter). I Know it's confusing. Come to find out through one of his ex-friends he moved back into that house two years ago or so the friend said.. I asked he denied. But the more I think about all of this, the more it all comes together. As, you all know he months back moved to a different state for a promotion and I know he is there on his own but the lies, the deceit... I asked if was legally seperated and he said we have been seperated for many many years and that makes sense to me unless they HAVE some arrangement of sorts... The house is on the market and has been for months. Although I didn't find that out from him, when I asked he was like OH yeah I meant to tell you that. THere is so much to tell here and I have so many questions ... Right I have to get going but I will be back later... There's more to this crazy stuff? There is just to much baggage, crazy, and drama mixed in this with man. So I take it he's talking now?
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