Author HopefulOne Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 Hey Hopeful, I went Christmas shopping today, boy were the malls busy, it's weird cuz when i was there all I could see was couples. Here, there, everywhere. It made me miss her so much. But I at least got some of my shopping done, just a few more things to get and then i can relax and try to enjoy the holidays. I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough day, I have tough days too. Many times I wish I could just stay in bed and sleep the day away. Sometimes I dream about her and I wake up feeling strange. When you have days like that try to do something constructive that will keep you busy, that way you wont think of him so much. I know it's easier said than done but it's one of the few ways we can deal with the pain. I wish I could make it better for you, just remember that you are not alone. Hope is always available to us. When we feel defeated, we need only take a deep breath and say, "Yes," and hope will reappear. I waws glad to hear that got some Christmas Shopping done... The holidays just aren't helping... I am so BAH HUMBUG.... I normally love Christmas but I haven't even put my decorations up.... It makes me sad... I just want to call... I don't know why... I want him to be a real person and tell me what he thinks rather than leave in limbo... and I know I have a choice... but it's still hard.... You seem to be holding it together.... I hope that you continue to feel better... and get stronger... and it's very good to know that you guys are out there to support me... Thanks again Panzer... Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 You have all these things that you want him to be. But do you think that what you want is going to happen with him? You can't stop feeling because that's who we are. We feel and I understand that sometimes we think it's better not to feel but then were just hidding from it wishing that it goes away. If you do decide to break up with him, eventually those feelings you have for him will deminish. But until then, it probabaly won't because you sound like you don't know what you want to happen. Look how he is acting over something as stupid as this. He doesn't even want to talk about it so is ignoring you until HE is ready. No one in a respectable relationship or normal one for that matter does this. O don't feel bad about Christmas. We haven't even put anything up yet ourselves and I feel like a loser because our neighbors and such have lights up, trees, etc... My H doesn't want to put anything up yet because he feels that it's to early so I managed to at least put two freaking bows up by our driveway lol!! . Link to post Share on other sites
lisapizza Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 HOPEFUL~ tell him to "F*ck Off!" if this is how he treats his Girlfriend, imagine how he would treat you if you were married! Well Said!! If he treats you like this now..he definately has trust issues. What did he think you gave the officer some lip service to let you off?? Get rid of him, he's definately a jerk!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefulOne Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 Maybe I should help myself here... not sure... I obviously have tried to communicate with him.... and still have not heard from him other than the Not ready to talk text... Do you think it wise that get my own closure here, tell him goodbye, that way I am not in limbo and I will taking charge of my life instead of feeling in this limbo... ??? Link to post Share on other sites
panzer6 Posted December 4, 2006 Share Posted December 4, 2006 Hey Hopeful, that may be the only course of action left to you. It really is cruel on his part to push you away like that and leave you hanging. He seems somewhat immature in his handling of the relationship. He must realise that he is hurting you by his actions. If he doesn't then he has a lot to learn about people. You should let him know that you have had enough and tell him goodbye. That may get a reaction from him and then you may gain back some control. I know you don't like to play games with him but you need to be strong and tell him very bluntly how you feel. Either way you need to do something, you can't keep going on like this. Be strong!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefulOne Posted December 4, 2006 Author Share Posted December 4, 2006 Hey Hopeful, that may be the only course of action left to you. It really is cruel on his part to push you away like that and leave you hanging. He seems somewhat immature in his handling of the relationship. He must realise that he is hurting you by his actions. If he doesn't then he has a lot to learn about people. You should let him know that you have had enough and tell him goodbye. That may get a reaction from him and then you may gain back some control. I know you don't like to play games with him but you need to be strong and tell him very bluntly how you feel. Either way you need to do something, you can't keep going on like this. Be strong!! I agree that I need to do something... I just have no idea what to say and I know I don't want to call ( even if I did he probably wouldn't answer) I guess texting would be my only way.... I don't want to be nasty ???? Link to post Share on other sites
panzer6 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Tell him exactly what you are feeling. Tell him that you feel as if he does not respect your feelings. Tell him you feel as if your being manipulated by him because that is exactly what he is doing. If his answer to your relationship problems is to not talk to you then he will be losing you very quickly. The basis of any kind of relationship is communication!!! Even I know that. One person cannot choose to ignore or delay a discussion pertaining to a relationship. If that happens then the relationship is in dire straits and will probably come to an end. Tell him that and anything else you can think of. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefulOne Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Tell him exactly what you are feeling. Tell him that you feel as if he does not respect your feelings. Tell him you feel as if your being manipulated by him because that is exactly what he is doing. If his answer to your relationship problems is to not talk to you then he will be losing you very quickly. The basis of any kind of relationship is communication!!! Even I know that. One person cannot choose to ignore or delay a discussion pertaining to a relationship. If that happens then the relationship is in dire straits and will probably come to an end. Tell him that and anything else you can think of. I just don't know.... I am so in the middle on sending him anything but yet I feel so in limbo.... Texting that seems so I don't know.... not right.. at least to me.. I guess I could send an email... Link to post Share on other sites
panzer6 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Sure, send him an e-mail. You could also try calling him and telling him you want to meet face to face so you can talk it out. Tell him it's now or never. You need to take back some control of this situation. You have feelings, you matter, you deserve to be treated better than this. Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Your * so called * ex bf does not deserve ANYTHING from you for treating you so low and cruel . The one thing that caught my attention right away was " You are being pulled over by a police officer and this bf of yours is calling/texting you while you are being interviewed by the officer." This bf of yours continues to call you ( INSECURE ) and then when you don't pick up the phone fast enough , he questions * where * you were ( INSECURE ) and then when he gets pissy he says F* you . ( DISRESPECT ~ JERK ) . He's been playing you since all this time ( since you got pulled over by the Officer ) and is * punishing * you for what you did and makes you think you * deserved it * ( ABUSE ) this guy would only have gotten WORSE if you stayed with him. DIAGNOSIS : Immature and insecure idiot. Be glad. Hey just text this : Its over . You are wayyy tooo insecure and selfish. Goodbye ! No sappy stuff. He does not deserve one ounce of feelings or regrets. Dump him completely from your mind. He's probrobly fishing for a new victim : Hence you need to wait LOL ! NOT ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefulOne Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Your * so called * ex bf does not deserve ANYTHING from you for treating you so low and cruel . The one thing that caught my attention right away was " You are being pulled over by a police officer and this bf of yours is calling/texting you while you are being interviewed by the officer." This bf of yours continues to call you ( INSECURE ) and then when you don't pick up the phone fast enough , he questions * where * you were ( INSECURE ) and then when he gets pissy he says F* you . ( DISRESPECT ~ JERK ) . He's been playing you since all this time ( since you got pulled over by the Officer ) and is * punishing * you for what you did and makes you think you * deserved it * ( ABUSE ) this guy would only have gotten WORSE if you stayed with him. DIAGNOSIS : Immature and insecure idiot. Be glad. Hey just text this : Its over . You are wayyy tooo insecure and selfish. Goodbye ! No sappy stuff. He does not deserve one ounce of feelings or regrets. Dump him completely from your mind. He's probrobly fishing for a new victim : Hence you need to wait LOL ! NOT ! Thank you Mary3...I do happen to have to agree with you...Insecure and selfish... I guess I sometimes still can't believe he did that but just thinking back yesterday to like February, something similar happened ( how we like to forget). I was coming home from being out and called him and he got kinda pissy about where I was ( or so I thought) then we got cut off and I assumed that he hung up on because I tried to call him back and when I didn't get an answer -- I was like I am not going to do this tonight I am tired and not gonna fight. So, I went home and went to bed, woke up very early and turned my volume back up on my phone.. He called VERY early and said did you get my messages, there were like 6 of them. I said no, I haven't yet, he said well listen to them and call me back.. So, I did, they all said call me back, I am concerned. He then proceeded to question to me about where I was and I told him exactly what happened, I didn't want to argue and I thought he was mad, so I just turned down the ringer and went to bed... He insisted that was not the truth and told me he knew me better than that, that I never turn down my ringer and for the most part, he was right, but I didn't do anything.. He kept at me and told me I have had people do this to me before and I won't do this again... I was calm and said, I was home and I am not one of them. He also acted like I was out partying or something, which I was not.. I met one of my girlfriends out for drink, that was that. So, then he said listen to me -- tell me the truth... I said I am telling you the truth... he said then this is the last time we are going to talk, don't ever call me again, understand.. I said Yes... I did not call him or anything...Then when we started talking he ask why I didn't call him and I said you told me not too... and he still tried to say I wasn't telling him the truth... Anyway, my point was that it's all coming back, that was the only other instance of that particular behavior but I do think it shows that he is extremely insecure and jealous.... Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Thank you Mary3...I do happen to have to agree with you...Insecure and selfish... I guess I sometimes still can't believe he did that but just thinking back yesterday to like February, something similar happened ( how we like to forget). I was coming home from being out and called him and he got kinda pissy about where I was ( or so I thought) then we got cut off and I assumed that he hung up on because I tried to call him back and when I didn't get an answer -- I was like I am not going to do this tonight I am tired and not gonna fight. So, I went home and went to bed, woke up very early and turned my volume back up on my phone.. He called VERY early and said did you get my messages, there were like 6 of them. I said no, I haven't yet, he said well listen to them and call me back.. So, I did, they all said call me back, I am concerned. He then proceeded to question to me about where I was and I told him exactly what happened, I didn't want to argue and I thought he was mad, so I just turned down the ringer and went to bed... He insisted that was not the truth and told me he knew me better than that, that I never turn down my ringer and for the most part, he was right, but I didn't do anything.. He kept at me and told me I have had people do this to me before and I won't do this again... I was calm and said, I was home and I am not one of them. He also acted like I was out partying or something, which I was not.. I met one of my girlfriends out for drink, that was that. So, then he said listen to me -- tell me the truth... I said I am telling you the truth... he said then this is the last time we are going to talk, don't ever call me again, understand.. I said Yes... I did not call him or anything...Then when we started talking he ask why I didn't call him and I said you told me not too... and he still tried to say I wasn't telling him the truth... Anyway, my point was that it's all coming back, that was the only other instance of that particular behavior but I do think it shows that he is extremely insecure and jealous.... Amen ! You can do alot better than him Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Anyway, my point was that it's all coming back, that was the only other instance of that particular behavior but I do think it shows that he is extremely insecure and jealous.... It's strange how that happens...we start seeing warning signs so long after we should have see the red flags just glaring at us along the way. I know I have been there. I think you are beginning to heal! Healing is such a wonderful thing and the human body and mind are very good at it if we just let them do their thing. I am looking forward to next year when you are gushing about how you are marrying your Prince Charming, who is definitely on his white horse looking for you right now. You have so much to offer him! Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefulOne Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 It's strange how that happens...we start seeing warning signs so long after we should have see the red flags just glaring at us along the way. I know I have been there. I think you are beginning to heal! Healing is such a wonderful thing and the human body and mind are very good at it if we just let them do their thing. I am looking forward to next year when you are gushing about how you are marrying your Prince Charming, who is definitely on his white horse looking for you right now. You have so much to offer him! Thank YOU SO MUCH !!!!! I needed that today.... and I do have a lot to offer!! I really need to boost today... and I am so glad I saw your post. I tried writing it all down, all the things that I should remember, all the flags, etc... but today is a day I can't help remembering the good... then I get angry at myself again for believing and trusting this man with my heart... I still want call or email and tell him I don't appreciate being treated this way.... I guess your heart sometimes wants to believe when your head is TELLING YOU RUN SCREAMING... No, he still hasn't contacted me in anyway, guess he is still NOT READY TO TALK... Goes to show you that I never really meant anything to him anyway... Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Goes to show you that I never really meant anything to him anyway... At least now you have a chance to find someone who you WILL mean something too. I'm actually curious if he were to call, what he would say.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefulOne Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 At least now you have a chance to find someone who you WILL mean something too. I'm actually curious if he were to call, what he would say.... You know I am really trying to be strong.... I am feeling like I might cave this evening.... Probably something like sorry I am a *******... I heard that one before.. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 You know I am really trying to be strong.... I am feeling like I might cave this evening.... Probably something like sorry I am a *******... I heard that one before.. Can I ask you something. Maybe you would be willing to answer this because for some reason some people tend to avoid this. What is it that this guy does for you? What makes you want to stay with him regardless if he does this or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefulOne Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 Can I ask you something. Maybe you would be willing to answer this because for some reason some people tend to avoid this. What is it that this guy does for you? What makes you want to stay with him regardless if he does this or not? Well, I can't say right now that I want to stay with him... Really I want for him to have some respect for me and our relationship... and that's obviously not happening and truly making me lose respect for him as well.. You don't have to be a ******* to break-up with someone... You can have respect for yourself and the other person... I hope this helps shed a little light... Yes, we hurt when break-ups occur.... but it can be done with some sense of decency.... Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Have you made it know to him that you want respect? Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefulOne Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 Have you made it know to him that you want respect? Yes, many times..... I have told him before during one of his dissappearing acts, that his actions show that he does not value or respect me or our relationship and that I do not appreciate being treated like that.. Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 No sounds like he doesn't. He can't even listen to what your saying. Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefulOne Posted December 7, 2006 Author Share Posted December 7, 2006 I don't know what came over me last night but I wanted him to answer me --"why couldn't you just tell me"??? So that's what I texted, I know, I know...he replied immediately with WHAT? Then I was like what did you just do you idiot, to myself... I sat there for a little while and thoughts of not being so nice crossed my mind but in the end I couldn't be nasty or mean... so I replied back with "that you didn't want us anymore"? I got no reply after that. I tell ya.... I have no idea what the heck was going through my brain... Why do we have such lapses in judgement sometimes... or maybe I knew he wouldn't answer and it would just make me mad and lose all respect for him.... It was stupid on my part... Have at me guys... Link to post Share on other sites
dropdeadlegs Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 I don't know what came over me last night but I wanted him to answer me --"why couldn't you just tell me"??? So that's what I texted, I know, I know...he replied immediately with WHAT? Then I was like what did you just do you idiot, to myself... I sat there for a little while and thoughts of not being so nice crossed my mind but in the end I couldn't be nasty or mean... so I replied back with "that you didn't want us anymore"? I got no reply after that. I tell ya.... I have no idea what the heck was going through my brain... Why do we have such lapses in judgement sometimes... or maybe I knew he wouldn't answer and it would just make me mad and lose all respect for him.... It was stupid on my part... Have at me guys... No lashes from me, Hopeful One. You could have kept that to yourself if you wanted, but chose to share because you are still hurting so badly. I hate to bring this up, but every day he IS speaking to you, he just isn't using many words. His volume is LOUD and CLEAR to me. I wish he would give you the closure you need, but I don't see it happening. It's been, what, three weeks now? Write him a letter you never mail. It has worked wonders for me to just release the feelings and emotions that don't seem to have anywhere to go. This is HIS loss and you will be so much better off in a few short months that will pass quickly. Keep yourself as busy as possible. Hang out with family and friends that won't let you text him. I guess that's what you're doing here, right? Try to smile! I know it hurts, but you need one good belly laugh to be on your way to happiness!:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author HopefulOne Posted December 7, 2006 Author Share Posted December 7, 2006 No lashes from me, Hopeful One. You could have kept that to yourself if you wanted, but chose to share because you are still hurting so badly. I hate to bring this up, but every day he IS speaking to you, he just isn't using many words. His volume is LOUD and CLEAR to me. I wish he would give you the closure you need, but I don't see it happening. It's been, what, three weeks now? Write him a letter you never mail. It has worked wonders for me to just release the feelings and emotions that don't seem to have anywhere to go. This is HIS loss and you will be so much better off in a few short months that will pass quickly. Keep yourself as busy as possible. Hang out with family and friends that won't let you text him. I guess that's what you're doing here, right? Try to smile! I know it hurts, but you need one good belly laugh to be on your way to happiness!:) Thanks for not giving me a couple of lashes !!! You are correct his actions are speaking loud and clear... I do wish he would give me that closure... it really isn't that hard to do... Why would you want to keep someone in that limbo, for you own selfish reasons?? I have written those letters and no I never sent them... They were good for me too write.. Yes, that's what I am doing here, getting the support from great people like you... It really does hurt badly.. but what doesn't kill you, makes you stronger right I am trying, I really am... I am angry at myself too.. for letting this person get too me, using me and discarding me like I am nothing... and not having the decency towards another human being to be kind and let them go... Link to post Share on other sites
IpAncA Posted December 7, 2006 Share Posted December 7, 2006 No lashes from me, Hopeful One. You could have kept that to yourself if you wanted, but chose to share because you are still hurting so badly. I hate to bring this up, but every day he IS speaking to you, he just isn't using many words. His volume is LOUD and CLEAR to me. I wish he would give you the closure you need, but I don't see it happening. It's been, what, three weeks now? Write him a letter you never mail. It has worked wonders for me to just release the feelings and emotions that don't seem to have anywhere to go. This is HIS loss and you will be so much better off in a few short months that will pass quickly. Keep yourself as busy as possible. Hang out with family and friends that won't let you text him. I guess that's what you're doing here, right? Try to smile! I know it hurts, but you need one good belly laugh to be on your way to happiness!:) Yep I agree too. I'm suprised he was ready to reply. Link to post Share on other sites
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