IpAncA Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 So if he contacts you again and wants to work things out or says he's sorry, are you going to take him back?
panzer6 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I go away for 8 hours and this is what I find! Your'e sitting here and arguing over the semantics of you messages!! Ask yourself this, "Are you happy?" Does he make you happy? Are you a better person because of him? You were throwing up because of him! Hello!!!! Time to kick this guy to the curb! Stop second guessing yourself and do what is right for you. If you want him then fight for him!! If you don't then boot him into high earth orbit!! Remember that tough times require tough decisions. Relationships are alot like combat, you hope for the best but you prepare for the worst.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 I go away for 8 hours and this is what I find! Your'e sitting here and arguing over the semantics of you messages!! Ask yourself this, "Are you happy?" Does he make you happy? Are you a better person because of him? You were throwing up because of him! Hello!!!! Time to kick this guy to the curb! Stop second guessing yourself and do what is right for you. If you want him then fight for him!! If you don't then boot him into high earth orbit!! Remember that tough times require tough decisions. Relationships are alot like combat, you hope for the best but you prepare for the worst. Panzer... I wasn't arguing, I was asking opinions based on what was said.. I ask myself these questions daily.... No, I am not happy... did he make me happy... yes he did.... I am a better person because of everything that has happened in my life... You live, you learn... You keep going and use those tools in your life.... I don't think I was second guessing myself, I am open to opinions and constructive criticism... Your quote that relationships are a lot like combat, you hope for the best but you prepare for the worst.... to me that is saying I can't give it my all because I have to be scared of what might happen and I must prepare... My glass is half full, not half empty... You give it everything you have and if it doesn't work, then at least you know you tried... and you learn.... but at least you know that you are capable of loving, even if they don't love you back... Okay, I got kinda deep there...
panzer6 Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I understand what you mean, I'm all for giving it everything you can. Love is a chance at best. We don't choose who we fall in love with. Attraction isn't a choice, but you have to be able to protect yourself from toxic people who come into your life. Otherwise they leave scars and baggage that we will drag into our next relationships. Just sit quietly for a while by yourself, turn off the tv, turn the lights off and think about what it is that you want from him and how it fits into you life. The answer may come quicker than you think. Meditation really works when we apply it properly. You already know the answers to all the tough questions that you are asking yourself. You just need to believe in yourself and your ability to do what is right for you. I know you will do the right thing, of that I have no doubt.
justagirliegirl Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I agree. Just because you love someone or they may love you doesn't mean they are good for you. I think that if you are more unhappy in a relationship than happy then it is time to let it go. The bottom line is that regardless of why he is behaving the way he is, his behaviour is still very hurtful and he knows this and is doing nothing to make it better. I do understand about getting more angry every day! Thankfully there is a point where it does subside.
Author HopefulOne Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 I understand what you mean, I'm all for giving it everything you can. Love is a chance at best. We don't choose who we fall in love with. Attraction isn't a choice, but you have to be able to protect yourself from toxic people who come into your life. Otherwise they leave scars and baggage that we will drag into our next relationships. Just sit quietly for a while by yourself, turn off the tv, turn the lights off and think about what it is that you want from him and how it fits into you life. The answer may come quicker than you think. Meditation really works when we apply it properly. You already know the answers to all the tough questions that you are asking yourself. You just need to believe in yourself and your ability to do what is right for you. I know you will do the right thing, of that I have no doubt. Panzer... I will try my best to do the right thing.... thank you for having faith in me...
Author HopefulOne Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 I agree. Just because you love someone or they may love you doesn't mean they are good for you. I think that if you are more unhappy in a relationship than happy then it is time to let it go. The bottom line is that regardless of why he is behaving the way he is, his behaviour is still very hurtful and he knows this and is doing nothing to make it better. I do understand about getting more angry every day! Thankfully there is a point where it does subside. How are things with you ? Did he ever call you?
justagirliegirl Posted December 1, 2006 Posted December 1, 2006 How are things with you ? Did he ever call you? Thanks for asking. Yes, we are talking again. Seems he is obsessed with some video game. sigh.
Author HopefulOne Posted December 1, 2006 Author Posted December 1, 2006 Thanks for asking. Yes, we are talking again. Seems he is obsessed with some video game. sigh. Did you guys talk about what happened? Is that why he wasn't calling you? and your welcome....
panzer6 Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 I'm glad to be of help. Were lucky to have forums like this to air our problems. I think it it lets us know that we aren't alone. Alot of other people are going through the same things that we are and I guess in some way it makes it a little easier to deal with this crap. I hope you are doing well.
Author HopefulOne Posted December 2, 2006 Author Posted December 2, 2006 I'm glad to be of help. Were lucky to have forums like this to air our problems. I think it it lets us know that we aren't alone. Alot of other people are going through the same things that we are and I guess in some way it makes it a little easier to deal with this crap. I hope you are doing well. Panzer... Your terrific, thanks so much for your support... i still haven't heard from him since the text message but I have been going out and trying to have some fun with my friends and just think about things... I am trying... and I am doing okay right now... I am sure I will have my moments but I promise I will try.... Thanks again...
justagirliegirl Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 Did you guys talk about what happened? Is that why he wasn't calling you? and your welcome.... No, unfortunately the issues still haven't been discussed or resolved. This has to happen at some point. How are things for you?
panzer6 Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 Your welcome, you know you will have moments of weakness when you will want to call him and talk to him. It only means that you are human and you have real feelings running through you. My ex has moments too, she calls me late at night and flirts with me on the phone. I know she misses me as much as I miss her so I know it's just as hard for her as it is for me. I just wish the ache would go away but for some reason it doesn't want to or I can't let it go. Sometimes at night I just wish I had her in my arms. It's tough to sleep alone sometimes. I get frustrated because I know she is probably doing the same thing, missing me and feeling lousy because of it. I guess with time these feelings will fade and I wont think of her very much anymore. I know things are a mess between us but I still get very sad when I think about losing her forever. Everyone tells me to move on and avoid her like the plague which is the right thing to do. I just wish it didn't hurt so much. Last night I was walking out of a store in town and I ran into one of my other ex girlfriends, we talked for about 15 minutes, she was with some guy, we talked about our families, talked about Christmas and then finally said goodbye. It was weird because I felt nothing for her. It made me think of my current situation and that one day I will feel nothing for her as well. I went and got some chinese food and went home and layed on my new leather sofa and watched tv. I felt really lousy about everything. I guess I just want to feel better about things. I just wish it didn't have to take so long.
Timberlane Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 I simply will not tolerate friends or lovers who will say "F you" like it is nothing, having heard my parents say such things to each other for years. When that happens, the friend and I have a little talk to discuss how this is truly a deal breaker and that they should never use those words again. That usually works. I make it a point to never use those words to someone I am friends with or seeing. In fact, a lot of us could stand to curse less in general and I am no exception.
Author HopefulOne Posted December 2, 2006 Author Posted December 2, 2006 I simply will not tolerate friends or lovers who will say "F you" like it is nothing, having heard my parents say such things to each other for years. When that happens, the friend and I have a little talk to discuss how this is truly a deal breaker and that they should never use those words again. That usually works. I make it a point to never use those words to someone I am friends with or seeing. In fact, a lot of us could stand to curse less in general and I am no exception. Agreed.... but if the person isn't speaking to you, it's hard to have that conversation... I try to not to cuss at all... although I have been known to when I am really mad, although I would not use it towards a person ever.
dropdeadlegs Posted December 2, 2006 Posted December 2, 2006 I can't read minds either, but unless he has a whole lot of redeeming factors I could not forgive the act of hanging up on you especially under the circumstances followed by weeks of not "being ready" to talk. I cannot see a long term relationship working out. How could you live together or marry and not speak for weeks? I do, however, understand that this is one part of the total relationship and that the heart wants what it wants. If you take him back and try to work things out, make sure he understands that these behaviors ARE deal breakers and then stick to your guns. Tell him that f you and/or hanging up on you will constitute the end of the relationship in your mind and that if he chooses to do those things that he better make sure the end is what he wants. At that point the lines are drawn. I would not continue in the relationship because I just see a bad ending for it. Respect is a huge thing for me (and loyalty too) but it took a long time for me to value myself in a way that made me demand those things. You sound like a smart, caring lady that does not have communication issues, and he seems to have many. This move out of state may have contributed to his jealousy issue and seems to coincide with the timeframe you mentioned for the bad behavior. While I agree that the written word is easy to misinterpret because we don't have the rise and fall of pitch that spoken words allow, there was nothing offensive about your texts. If he couldn't see them as a cry for tying up loose ends in your circumstances, he is emotionally blind. Sure we could spend all day discussing other words that could have been used and how those words could be misinterpreted, but none of that really matters now. I once read that it takes one month for every year of a relationship to begin healing and moving on. It doesn't usually take me quite that long, but I would say 3 months is about right for me. You're mad? You should be mad and you have to rev anger up to be able to reach the apex and start being less angry. If you look up the seven stages of coping with death, you will see that anger is one of them, and what you experiencing is the death of your relationship. Truly, look this up and you will see how you are having the same thoughts and feelings, but time does heal all wounds. The good news is that while I cannot read minds, I can predict the future. You will find love again and will be in a better position to find someone compatible because you learned so much about what you desire, and will not tolerate from this very relationship. Love, laughter, trust, respect...you will have them all.
Author HopefulOne Posted December 2, 2006 Author Posted December 2, 2006 I can't read minds either, but unless he has a whole lot of redeeming factors I could not forgive the act of hanging up on you especially under the circumstances followed by weeks of not "being ready" to talk. I cannot see a long term relationship working out. How could you live together or marry and not speak for weeks? I do, however, understand that this is one part of the total relationship and that the heart wants what it wants. I have thought about this... What would you do if you live together or get married.... I guess then you would call it the silent treatment.. I couldn't do that.... nor could I live with someone like that... If you take him back and try to work things out, make sure he understands that these behaviors ARE deal breakers and then stick to your guns. Tell him that f you and/or hanging up on you will constitute the end of the relationship in your mind and that if he chooses to do those things that he better make sure the end is what he wants. At that point the lines are drawn. I would not continue in the relationship because I just see a bad ending for it. Respect is a huge thing for me (and loyalty too) but it took a long time for me to value myself in a way that made me demand those things. Respect is huge.. You sound like a smart, caring lady that does not have communication issues, and he seems to have many. This move out of state may have contributed to his jealousy issue and seems to coincide with the timeframe you mentioned for the bad behavior. While I agree that the written word is easy to misinterpret because we don't have the rise and fall of pitch that spoken words allow, there was nothing offensive about your texts. If he couldn't see them as a cry for tying up loose ends in your circumstances, he is emotionally blind. Sure we could spend all day discussing other words that could have been used and how those words could be misinterpreted, but none of that really matters now. Thank you.... Yes, it may contributed but I think it's always been there, it's reared it's ugly head before that but I think this made it worse.. He very well might be emotionally blind... He has that way of shutting down and shutting everyone out.. I believe he has huge insecurity issues. I once read that it takes one month for every year of a relationship to begin healing and moving on. It doesn't usually take me quite that long, but I would say 3 months is about right for me. You're mad? You should be mad and you have to rev anger up to be able to reach the apex and start being less angry. If you look up the seven stages of coping with death, you will see that anger is one of them, and what you experiencing is the death of your relationship. Truly, look this up and you will see how you are having the same thoughts and feelings, but time does heal all wounds. I have read those before and I have read other books on that since I dealt with the sucicide of my father... Maybe that better helps me deal with things and put them in perspective.. Time does heal, if we all look back at our previous relationships in life, well some of us that are older now... Not that it hurts less but maybe our coping skills are better now and we realize it's not the end of the world, even though it may feel like it at times... The good news is that while I cannot read minds, I can predict the future. You will find love again and will be in a better position to find someone compatible because you learned so much about what you desire, and will not tolerate from this very relationship. Love, laughter, trust, respect...you will have them all. Thank you so much... You seem to have your head on straight and on the right path.. Your insight and wisdom are very much appreciated..
Author HopefulOne Posted December 3, 2006 Author Posted December 3, 2006 I guess I woke today and didn't want to get out of bed... I guess you have to deal with days when it all just consumes you.... I still haven't heard from him, I guess he still not ready to talk, although the longer this goes on, the more I become closed off ( from him ) which is probably a good thing... why can't I just hate him and get it over with...
IpAncA Posted December 3, 2006 Posted December 3, 2006 Sorry your have a tough day. I can't do much but here's a smily . It's hard to just hate someone and get over it. It's easier said then done. I don't like it when people say "O just get over it" because it doesn't work that way. But in time you will. Cheer up, your be ok in the long run and will be glad when this is all over with. :)
Author HopefulOne Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 Sorry your have a tough day. I can't do much but here's a smily . It's hard to just hate someone and get over it. It's easier said then done. I don't like it when people say "O just get over it" because it doesn't work that way. But in time you will. Cheer up, your be ok in the long run and will be glad when this is all over with. :) Seems pretty easy for him........... Thanks for the Smile... I certainly can use it right now.... I have so picked up the phone a couple of times but have put it back down.... Oh my...........
IpAncA Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Seems pretty easy for him........... Thanks for the Smile... I certainly can use it right now.... I have so picked up the phone a couple of times but have put it back down.... Oh my........... Let me ask you this: What do you want to happen?
justagirliegirl Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Sorry to hear you had a rough day. I don't think you really have to hate them to let them go. Seems like realizing that their behaviour is so over the top and no loving, that you just won't tolerate it anymore. I think it is a very manipulative thing to say well I'm not ready to talk and then disappearing for weeks leaving you in limbo. I think limbo is one of the cruelest things that can be done to someone. I wonder what they would do if they said oh I'm not ready to talk blah blah and we say, oh that's fine. Take all the time you need but just thought you should know, I won't be waiting around for your decision. Who says they get to decide what 'we' do? We really don't have to accept it.
panzer6 Posted December 4, 2006 Posted December 4, 2006 Hey Hopeful, I went Christmas shopping today, boy were the malls busy, it's weird cuz when i was there all I could see was couples. Here, there, everywhere. It made me miss her so much. But I at least got some of my shopping done, just a few more things to get and then i can relax and try to enjoy the holidays. I'm sorry to hear you are having a tough day, I have tough days too. Many times I wish I could just stay in bed and sleep the day away. Sometimes I dream about her and I wake up feeling strange. When you have days like that try to do something constructive that will keep you busy, that way you wont think of him so much. I know it's easier said than done but it's one of the few ways we can deal with the pain. I wish I could make it better for you, just remember that you are not alone. Hope is always available to us. When we feel defeated, we need only take a deep breath and say, "Yes," and hope will reappear.
Author HopefulOne Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 Let me ask you this: What do you want to happen? Honestly, I don't know, I want him to have respect for me, to value what we have or had.... and I don't feel as if he does.... I just want to stop feeling...
Author HopefulOne Posted December 4, 2006 Author Posted December 4, 2006 Sorry to hear you had a rough day. I don't think you really have to hate them to let them go. Seems like realizing that their behaviour is so over the top and no loving, that you just won't tolerate it anymore. I think it is a very manipulative thing to say well I'm not ready to talk and then disappearing for weeks leaving you in limbo. I think limbo is one of the cruelest things that can be done to someone. I wonder what they would do if they said oh I'm not ready to talk blah blah and we say, oh that's fine. Take all the time you need but just thought you should know, I won't be waiting around for your decision. Who says they get to decide what 'we' do? We really don't have to accept it. If we did that to them, they would BYE BYE...... they know it.... but somehow justify there behavior or they are just chickens ****s... Pardon my language...
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