panzer6 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Thanks for the support, I'm glad I could help in any way. It helps to know there are other people going through tough relationships just like we are. Talking about it lets us make sense of it all and, we don't have to feel so alone. I think thats the key, knowing that someone understands what you are going through and that they care about you. Its a basic human need to be seen and understood. I'm really sorry about your father, no one should have to endure that. You can send me a private message as well if you want to talk.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 He texted back today " I am not ignoring you, just not ready to talk".... I think that pissed me off more...
IpAncA Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 I can't believe he responded . I wonder when hes going to be ready. I guess he has to pencil you in:laugh: :laugh:
Author HopefulOne Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 I can't believe he responded . I wonder when hes going to be ready. I guess he has to pencil you in:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: Yeah I know... Actually I am really pissed now... You take all the time you need, when your ready, I will be gone... I wonder how he would feel if someone did that to him...
panzer6 Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Sounds to me like he is playing games with you. Let him know that you deserve more from him and if he isn't willing to give you that then tell him to have a nice life. Don't take any more crap from this guy, he doesn't deserve you.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Sounds to me like he is playing games with you. Let him know that you deserve more from him and if he isn't willing to give you that then tell him to have a nice life. Don't take any more crap from this guy, he doesn't deserve you. Mindgames is right Panzer.... I haven't said anything back.... Nor do I want to.... I am so mad.... not only do you not get an answer you get one of his I am not ready... Heard that before and I told him I didn't like it then and it was not acceptable. You just plain don't do that to someone ... It's kinda like, hey I am doing my own thing right now and I am mad, so you just wait , I'll get back to you soon.... Whatever.... It's one thing to cool down when you are mad or etc... It's a complete other thing when you dissappear and don't answer etc.... for weeks... I had a better today... so we will chalk it up as one of my good days..
panzer6 Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Hey, don't let it ruin your day, he has issues with communication, alot of men do. He knows what to do but he chooses not to. He will have to learn the hard way that he can't treat you like this.
IpAncA Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 :laugh: Yeah I know... Actually I am really pissed now... You take all the time you need, when your ready, I will be gone... I wonder how he would feel if someone did that to him... He probably wouldn't care because he would move onto someone else who buys into his crap.
Guest Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Thats a power play. He is in control and he knows you want to talk about. That makes him even more of a jerk. Why are you letting him do this? Why is it all on his terms? Personally I would send him a break up box. They tend to be rather final in terms of the last word. Sometimes we need to find our own means of getting closure.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Thats a power play. He is in control and he knows you want to talk about. That makes him even more of a jerk. Why are you letting him do this? Why is it all on his terms? Personally I would send him a break up box. They tend to be rather final in terms of the last word. Sometimes we need to find our own means of getting closure. Yes I agree... What would you suggest I say?
Author HopefulOne Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Thats a power play. He is in control and he knows you want to talk about. That makes him even more of a jerk. Why are you letting him do this? Why is it all on his terms? Personally I would send him a break up box. They tend to be rather final in terms of the last word. Sometimes we need to find our own means of getting closure. What is a break up box? I really don't know what that is?
PussInHeels Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 He sounds really jealous. When people get like that, it's best just to let them be by themselves and ignore what they say. I hate jealous lovers, and while I would put up the tantrums, eventually I would get sick of them and tell them to get lost.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Thats a power play. He is in control and he knows you want to talk about. That makes him even more of a jerk. Why are you letting him do this? Why is it all on his terms? Personally I would send him a break up box. They tend to be rather final in terms of the last word. Sometimes we need to find our own means of getting closure. I am having some good days now, maybe it's because I am pissed off... but I still want to know what a break-up box is??? Does anyone know what guest is referring too?
allina Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 I am having some good days now, maybe it's because I am pissed off... but I still want to know what a break-up box is??? Does anyone know what guest is referring too? Glad to hear you're doing well. I think maybe a box of all the things your ex left behind??
IpAncA Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 What is a break up box? I really don't know what that is? Not sure. I even yahoo answered it and found nothing. But for me I would put all their stuff in a box and then hit it with a hammer;) . But he might want his stuff back if he remembers so that might not be good to give him a smashed up box:laugh: :laugh:.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Not sure. I even yahoo answered it and found nothing. But for me I would put all their stuff in a box and then hit it with a hammer;) . But he might want his stuff back if he remembers so that might not be good to give him a smashed up box:laugh: :laugh:. Ah well... I don't have anything of his except for what he has given me... So.. I won't be doing that .... but thanks for help on that one... Much appreciated.... I think I am getting madder by the DAY... or heck minutes..
IpAncA Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Your suppost to be less mad by the day. Not the other way around. So what are you going to do?
Author HopefulOne Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 Your suppost to be less mad by the day. Not the other way around. So what are you going to do? Well, I think mad is good for me right now... it helps me realize how badly he is treating me... Honestly he isn't the only one in the relationship and I don't need to treated in such a manner
IpAncA Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 Ok thats understandable. I probably would be mad also. No you don't. Just sorry he have to be like that.
MassiveAtom Posted November 29, 2006 Posted November 29, 2006 He texted back today " I am not ignoring you, just not ready to talk".... I think that pissed me off more... You know, I read back through the thread to get some perspective here... Sounds like he's feeling a set up. Yeah, he's moody. Okay. But I'm not so certain he's "playing mind games" with this comment. Be careful not to attribute to malice, what is just as easily explained by ignorance. In fact, he may VERY well be thinking about his actions, his words and such. The texts you sent, HopefulOne could be perceivedas passive aggressive on some unconscious level that triggered a bad response in him,( at some level) which drove him further away. While I don't think you're wrong to be insulted by what he said, I do think that dismissing his text as manipulative behavior is..hmmmm.. unfair. But again, only you know the entire dynamics of this situation. definitely changed, MA
Author HopefulOne Posted November 29, 2006 Author Posted November 29, 2006 You know, I read back through the thread to get some perspective here... Sounds like he's feeling a set up. Yeah, he's moody. Okay. But I'm not so certain he's "playing mind games" with this comment. Be careful not to attribute to malice, what is just as easily explained by ignorance. In fact, he may VERY well be thinking about his actions, his words and such. The texts you sent, HopefulOne could be perceivedas passive aggressive on some unconscious level that triggered a bad response in him,( at some level) which drove him further away. While I don't think you're wrong to be insulted by what he said, I do think that dismissing his text as manipulative behavior is..hmmmm.. unfair. But again, only you know the entire dynamics of this situation. definitely changed, MA I am curious why you say it could be perceived as passive/aggressive on some unconscious level ?? It's been weeks now... While he may be thinking about his actions/thoughts etc. If you read through my other post on this site from even a couple of months ago... I would be curious as to your opinion.. ?????
MassiveAtom Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I am curious why you say it could be perceived as passive/aggressive on some unconscious level ?? I haven't quite worked it out either. but I AM working on it...... "maybe you don't want me to love you anymore or are to angry too want me too. Then just tell me that and I will leave you alone but please don't just ignore me, I can't read your mind. " This is the bit that I thought COULD be suspect and open to interpretation. I'm not a professional so I have to say, I could be wrong. See, offerring something like this is to you, putting an idea out there for him...harmless right? Well, what if instead of it being perceived that way, he saw it as you trying to change his mind? There might be some deeper issues with fear there, no? Perceptions are a really iffy thing when people clash like this... You're trying to be open and helpful, but he's seeing manipulative and controlling (my brain is hurting now... ) See where I'm going with this? Both perspectives are valid, and both right, and wrong. But for this fella to be able to trust your perspective and receive YOUR message as you intended, is beyond your control. And apparently beyond his capacity. I'm not saying you intended to be passive aggressive, but that he perceived in your communication, something that wasn't there. Which is OFTEN the case with people who have problems with jealousy. NOTE: I am in no way attacking ANYONE or taking sides in any way. If you read through my other post on this site from even a couple of months ago... I would be curious as to your opinion.. ????? I haven't read that post... Where is it? gimme the link. just trying to pull a brain muscle, MA
Author HopefulOne Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 I haven't quite worked it out either. but I AM working on it...... This is the bit that I thought COULD be suspect and open to interpretation. I'm not a professional so I have to say, I could be wrong. See, offerring something like this is to you, putting an idea out there for him...harmless right? Well, what if instead of it being perceived that way, he saw it as you trying to change his mind? There might be some deeper issues with fear there, no? Perceptions are a really iffy thing when people clash like this... You're trying to be open and helpful, but he's seeing manipulative and controlling (my brain is hurting now... ) See where I'm going with this? Both perspectives are valid, and both right, and wrong. But for this fella to be able to trust your perspective and receive YOUR message as you intended, is beyond your control. And apparently beyond his capacity. I'm not saying you intended to be passive aggressive, but that he perceived in your communication, something that wasn't there. Which is OFTEN the case with people who have problems with jealousy. NOTE: I am in no way attacking ANYONE or taking sides in any way. I haven't read that post... Where is it? gimme the link. just trying to pull a brain muscle, Thanks MassiveAtom...I do see where you are going with that... I will give you a link to one of the post, I don't want you to get overwhelmed and pull more brains muscles http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=94574&highlight=boyfriend+disappeared
Guest Posted November 30, 2006 Posted November 30, 2006 I am having some good days now, maybe it's because I am pissed off... but I still want to know what a break-up box is??? Does anyone know what guest is referring too? sorry for the slow response - I am in Australia so our time is upside down. A breakup box is where you send all their goods and chattles back to them (I have sent photos back as well but I was really ropeable). I am unsure what I would write. Dear exboyfriend. Not everything is about you. Your silence is maniputalive and speaks volumes for how you value me and our relationship. For my own mental health I am calling it a day. all the best for the future/regards/may your death be less painful than your life/have a nice life (cross out those not applicable). Sorry not much help. If you think that this is over then have some self respect and take your power back. Don't give it away to those who don't respect or deserve you.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 30, 2006 Author Posted November 30, 2006 sorry for the slow response - I am in Australia so our time is upside down. A breakup box is where you send all their goods and chattles back to them (I have sent photos back as well but I was really ropeable). I am unsure what I would write. Dear exboyfriend. Not everything is about you. Your silence is maniputalive and speaks volumes for how you value me and our relationship. For my own mental health I am calling it a day. all the best for the future/regards/may your death be less painful than your life/have a nice life (cross out those not applicable). Sorry not much help. If you think that this is over then have some self respect and take your power back. Don't give it away to those who don't respect or deserve you. Thanks for the reply.... I told him pretty much the same last time he did this... I told him that his actions pretty much were telling me and showing me how much he values and respects our relationship and me... That was the last time and I thought it would be the last time...
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