Author HopefulOne Posted November 26, 2006 Author Posted November 26, 2006 What if one person says, "I need to go now... " and the other person just sits there saying nothing? Is it acceptable for the first to hang up after a moment or two? Honestly we had discussed that in the past, if one was upset or etc and I need to go or I am going to go now, then you just say goodbye... If the other person says nothing, then you politely say I am going to go, goobye or goodnight.... whatever the case may be. That's my take on it...
IpAncA Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 What if one person says, "I need to go now... " and the other person just sits there saying nothing? Is it acceptable for the first to hang up after a moment or two? I don't think that's what the person meant. I think they meant that if you just hang up on them in a rude way then thats unacceptable. For example if I was in a fight with my h and he just hung up on me, he wouldn't be on my good side and I wouldn't let him get away with it. He may hang up on me but he's going to have to deal with me when he gets home.
MassiveAtom Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 Honestly we had discussed that in the past, if one was upset or etc and I need to go or I am going to go now, then you just say goodbye... If the other person says nothing, then you politely say I am going to go, goobye or goodnight.... whatever the case may be. That's my take on it... I don't think that's what the person meant. I think they meant that if you just hang up on them in a rude way then thats unacceptable. For example if I was in a fight with my h and he just hung up on me, he wouldn't be on my good side and I wouldn't let him get away with it. He may hang up on me but he's going to have to deal with me when he gets home. Cool thanks! Not thread jacking, just a target of opportunity. Thanks again. We now return you to your regularly scheduled thread...
panzer6 Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 It's funny but when I read your posts I see the same patterns of behavior in your boyfriend as I do my ex. She would hang up on me in the middle of a rational conversation. Then she wouldn't tell me why she hung up on me. I don't care how upset someone is you don't hang up on your SO. A few days later she would call me and ask me if I knew why she hung up. I would have no clue as to why. She would proceed to tell me that I was an insensitive jerk who showed her no empathy. I never hung up on her, always tried to understand what was making her upset. I remember 1 time we were going to go watch some drag racing and I knew she was sick so I called and asked if she still wanted to go, she said she didn't feel well so I said, I guess you wouldn't want to go to a noisy and smoky drag track. She freaked and hung up on me. What was I supposed to do? I went over there and she had a look in her eye like she wanted to kill me. She went up 1 side of me and down the other. Even her 2 son's were telling her to stop it cuz they wanted to go to the track. Her oldest son said, " Mom, stop it, this is just like you and dad! " She is divorced, I have met her ex-husband, seems like a nice guy. The look she gave her son was unforgettable, she yelled at him and said, " You have no idea what you are talking about" ! Anyway, I feel bad for her, I wish I could make it better for her and the boys, I love them very much. Unfortunately I can't continue in a relationship like this. She seems to love me one day and hates me the next. I feel like I have been through the ringer. I don't sleep very well, but i am getting better. She freaked out on me 3 weeks ago but I haven't heard from her at all. I wont contact her anymore. If she calls or texts me I will ignore it. I feel bad for doing that but I gotta do whats best for me.
IpAncA Posted November 26, 2006 Posted November 26, 2006 She freaked out on me 3 weeks ago but I haven't heard from her at all. I wont contact her anymore. If she calls or texts me I will ignore it. I feel bad for doing that but I gotta do whats best for me. Sounds like you got a taste of what may have caused problems in her previous marriage. Why people hang up and expect you to know why is beyond me. Must think we're mind readers. Um....yeah I wouldn't contact her.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 26, 2006 Author Posted November 26, 2006 Panzer I am so sorry to hear this has happened to you... I completely understand how you feel... I hope things get better for you and that you stay strong.. She doesn't sound like a very nice person ( she's probably doesn't like herself much and that's why she does this)...
Author HopefulOne Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 Okay, so it's been weeks now and I couldn't stand it anymore.. I sent him two text -- one saying that "I would like to try to talk/listen/communicate better than we have been recently, what do you think, any thoughts".. the other one said and "maybe you don't want me to love you anymore or are to angry too want me too. Then just tell me that and I will leave you alone but please don't just ignore me, I can't read your mind. " What do you guys think??
allina Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Okay, so it's been weeks now and I couldn't stand it anymore.. I sent him two text -- one saying that "I would like to try to talk/listen/communicate better than we have been recently, what do you think, any thoughts".. the other one said and "maybe you don't want me to love you anymore or are to angry too want me too. Then just tell me that and I will leave you alone but please don't just ignore me, I can't read your mind. " What do you guys think?? Personally I think you shouldn't have said that. HE is the one who acted like a major a-hole and should be kissing your butt and apologizing. Why are you acting like the guilty party and giving him all that power, it's like you're asking him to walk all over you.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 Personally I think you shouldn't have said that. HE is the one who acted like a major a-hole and should be kissing your butt and apologizing. Why are you acting like the guilty party and giving him all that power, it's like you're asking him to walk all over you. Wow... I am not trying to act like the guilty party, I am trying to act like an adult and be mature about this... and yes he should be kissing my butt.. I guess I want to talk or end it. I know that I can do that without him but I don't think it's much to ask after dating someone so long.
laRubiaBonita Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 Okay, so it's been weeks now and I couldn't stand it anymore.. I sent him two text -- one saying that "I would like to try to talk/listen/communicate better than we have been recently, what do you think, any thoughts".. the other one said and "maybe you don't want me to love you anymore or are to angry too want me too. Then just tell me that and I will leave you alone but please don't just ignore me, I can't read your mind. " What do you guys think?? any response yet? personally, i would have text "is this how you break it off with all your girlfriends of 3 years?"
allina Posted November 27, 2006 Posted November 27, 2006 "maybe you don't want me to love you anymore or are to angry too want me too. Then just tell me that and I will leave you alone but please don't just ignore me, I can't read your mind. " When you say things like this it's like putting yourself down and making it seem to the other person that they can get away with it, I find it demeaning. Were you hoping that he'd reply and say "I don't want you to leave me alone, I do want you to love me"
Author HopefulOne Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 When you say things like this it's like putting yourself down and making it seem to the other person that they can get away with it, I find it demeaning. Were you hoping that he'd reply and say "I don't want you to leave me alone, I do want you to love me" No, I was hoping for an answer no matter what it is... I wasn't trying to put myself down, I was just being honest, if that's how he feels then he should just say it... I am by no means a doormat and he knows this. I don't think it's wrong of me to ask for answer, at least then I know and we can both move on..
Author HopefulOne Posted November 27, 2006 Author Posted November 27, 2006 any response yet? personally, i would have text "is this how you break it off with all your girlfriends of 3 years?" no I haven't gotten a response.... and maybe I won't... and yes I am getting madder by the minute but maybe that's good for me... I would never treat anyone like this let alone a person I have been in a long relationship with..
Author HopefulOne Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Okay, I never did hear back from him... and I think I am okay, I am upset, there is no doubt about that... but I don't deserve to be treated like nothing.... It hurts like hell to believe you could spend years with person and they show you absolutely no respect for the relationship you had or you. So be it, I did what I had to do and if he can't have the decency to give me a response wether it be leave me alone, anything, it shows a complete lack of character and intergrity. I am sure he wouldn't want someone to treat him like that...........................
laRubiaBonita Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 i dunno if you have any of this guys stuff to give back..... ..... read it and weep....http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t87678/..... take notes!
IpAncA Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Are you sure that he has read those texts or has recieved them yet?
Author HopefulOne Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 i dunno if you have any of this guys stuff to give back..... ..... read it and weep....http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t87678/..... take notes! Bravo to you !!!!!! No, I don't, he moved like 6 months ago outta state for a job promotion.
laRubiaBonita Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Bravo to you !!!!!! No, I don't, he moved like 6 months ago outta state for a job promotion. it was one one the hardest/ yet sooo totally not- decision i had to face, and it was such Perfect timing, and it shoulda happened soooo very long before that. not that i know much into you and your guy, just what you have said which is enough to make any self respecting woman slap the dude spewing it. and once i did get over it, i am soo much stronger and more confident, not that i am saying it has been easy all the time, but so selfworth-it!
Author HopefulOne Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Are you sure that he has read those texts or has recieved them yet? Well I would have to say this... He has never not rec'd one I sent him and I know he always has his phone with him since he uses it for work as well. Why'll I wouldn't it can't happen, I think the odds are slim. I think he read them and just didn't care or who the hell knows, maybe he is laughing but it isn't right, if it's over then you can just say that, hell he could text it if he wants. Maybe I am jumping the gun, but I don't think so.... Given the past history and what he said the last time we spoke and the length of time that has passed, I would say this guy has NO RESPECT for me and I have have showed him respect and respect for our relationship. If he doesn't have the balls to even respond, no matter the answer, then screw him, I don't need it.
IpAncA Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Well I would have to say this... He has never not rec'd one I sent him and I know he always has his phone with him since he uses it for work as well. Why'll I wouldn't it can't happen, I think the odds are slim. I think he read them and just didn't care or who the hell knows, maybe he is laughing but it isn't right, if it's over then you can just say that, hell he could text it if he wants. Maybe I am jumping the gun, but I don't think so.... Given the past history and what he said the last time we spoke and the length of time that has passed, I would say this guy has NO RESPECT for me and I have have showed him respect and respect for our relationship. If he doesn't have the balls to even respond, no matter the answer, then screw him, I don't need it. Ugh you know what... screw him. Him acting like this is really pi$$ing me off. Cut your loss and move on. Sorry but if him acting like this for so long and talking to you like that has loser written all over him.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Ugh you know what... screw him. Him acting like this is really pi$$ing me off. Cut your loss and move on. Sorry but if him acting like this for so long and talking to you like that has loser written all over him. Thanks for your support, I certainly can use some right now... I know I probably shouldn't have texted him but maybe in the long run it will help me. Maybe I did give him more power but in my mind, I said what I had to say and it wasn't nasty or mean, it was an effort to commuicate and if nothing else an out for him.....and if that makes him feel like a man....so be it.... he won't be my problem anymore....
panzer6 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 You know, it's really quite sad. I know you love him and are willing to try to work things out but, how much are you supposed to take? How much are any of us supposed to take? I have been hung up on numerous times. I have been accused of being everything from an insensitive jerk to a dumbass. Somewhere along the line I started to become numb to it all. How could someone who told me that I was like no other man she had ever known, had made her feel things she had never felt before, who's kids couldn't get enough of me, be so hurtful and abusive towards me. She told me she was in love with me and I felt the same. It felt so good and so right. How could it have been so wrong? Was I not seeing clearly, was i blinded by love? I know it's easy to say they are suffering form some mental disorder but, it hurts me to say that. I don't want to be enemies with her and I don't see any reason for it to be so. I never called her names, or put her down, never even raised my voice to her! Maybe i should have, maybe that is what she likes, to have a good fight and then have make-up sex LOL !! Any way you sound like a good, honest and real person. You are feeling depressed because you have feelings and you care about him. You find it hard to understand his behavior and all you want is the truth so you can get on with your life. Thats all any of us want. Thats all any of us deserve. The path to feeling better starts with you taking back some control over the situation.he has feelings too, if you withdraw from him you will make him feel what you are feeling. He sounds like he could use a good dose of that. The bottom line is do what is best for you. Too often we worry about the other person so much that we lose sight of ourselves.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 You know, it's really quite sad. I know you love him and are willing to try to work things out but, how much are you supposed to take? How much are any of us supposed to take? I have been hung up on numerous times. I have been accused of being everything from an insensitive jerk to a dumbass. Somewhere along the line I started to become numb to it all. How could someone who told me that I was like no other man she had ever known, had made her feel things she had never felt before, who's kids couldn't get enough of me, be so hurtful and abusive towards me. She told me she was in love with me and I felt the same. It felt so good and so right. How could it have been so wrong? Was I not seeing clearly, was i blinded by love? I know it's easy to say they are suffering form some mental disorder but, it hurts me to say that. I don't want to be enemies with her and I don't see any reason for it to be so. I never called her names, or put her down, never even raised my voice to her! Maybe i should have, maybe that is what she likes, to have a good fight and then have make-up sex LOL !! Any way you sound like a good, honest and real person. You are feeling depressed because you have feelings and you care about him. You find it hard to understand his behavior and all you want is the truth so you can get on with your life. Thats all any of us want. Thats all any of us deserve. The path to feeling better starts with you taking back some control over the situation.he has feelings too, if you withdraw from him you will make him feel what you are feeling. He sounds like he could use a good dose of that. The bottom line is do what is best for you. Too often we worry about the other person so much that we lose sight of ourselves. Thank you Panzer.... You sound like a very good man yourself... You are right I need to take back control of my life... The last couple of days for me have been very tough... I even find my self throwing up for no reason other than I am making myself physically sick over this and it's not healthy or productive.... I have tried and tried.... and I can do no more.. I don't think of him at this point as a caring individual except for himself that is... He is the type of person I think that can flip that switch. I do hope that you are doing well yourself??? How are things going for you? Thanks again for your support, it really does help me... !!!!!
panzer6 Posted November 28, 2006 Posted November 28, 2006 Things are good for me, work is busy, always busy this time of year. I'm in sales, wireless services. I'm looking forward to seeing my family over Christmas. I love turkey!!! My friends and family have been very supportive to me. My sister told me to tell my ex to f**k off! I just can't be that mean to her. I don't believe in being cruel or hurtful to people. It just makes things worse. However I can only take so much, so I wont be talking to her anymore. She will have to get through things without me. I hope her and her sons are happy and i hope they have a warm and safe Christmas. Thats all I can do now. I'm sorry to hear that you are throwing up from the stress you are enduring. I wish I could somehow make it better for you. Remember that you are never alone, talk to your friends, your family, your co-workers. Just the act of doing that can help immeasurably. I've been going to a therapist for the last 4 months and it has done wonders for me. They can help you identify the issues that affect you and give you new ways of looking at them and dealing with them. I really believe that things will get better for you. You deserve to have real love in your life. When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful.
Author HopefulOne Posted November 28, 2006 Author Posted November 28, 2006 Things are good for me, work is busy, always busy this time of year. I'm in sales, wireless services. I'm looking forward to seeing my family over Christmas. I love turkey!!! My friends and family have been very supportive to me. My sister told me to tell my ex to f**k off! I just can't be that mean to her. I don't believe in being cruel or hurtful to people. It just makes things worse. However I can only take so much, so I wont be talking to her anymore. She will have to get through things without me. I hope her and her sons are happy and i hope they have a warm and safe Christmas. Thats all I can do now. I'm sorry to hear that you are throwing up from the stress you are enduring. I wish I could somehow make it better for you. Remember that you are never alone, talk to your friends, your family, your co-workers. Just the act of doing that can help immeasurably. I've been going to a therapist for the last 4 months and it has done wonders for me. They can help you identify the issues that affect you and give you new ways of looking at them and dealing with them. I really believe that things will get better for you. You deserve to have real love in your life. When the Japanese mend broken objects, they aggrandize the damage by filling the cracks with gold. They believe that when something's suffered damage and has a history it becomes more beautiful. I am glad to hear that you are doing better and that you are getting the help and support you need... I have thought about a therapist... I did go to one years ago when my dad killed himself and it did help... and I agree that they can help you identify with the issues and dealing with them.. I hope that you find love in your life--- you deserve that... we all make mistakes but if you learn from them, that's the key.... I wish you all the best and if you ever need to talk you can send me a private message.. I am here for you.... and I appreciate the support...
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